Old Year Gone

It has been an interesting and busy year.

Can it be said I changed professions? This year I have ceased being a university professor but have become a high school teacher. Both are teachers but, in many ways, they are very different. In university, you teach adults who should already have a foundation of the subject matter. There is the expectation of basic subject matter knowledge. There is always the exception. A high school student begins as a blank slate. It is up to the teacher to build the foundation that university will build upon. I think I prefer the high school student. An empty glass is easier to fill with necessary information.

Jared attained one of his goals this year. He assumed command of a US Navy destroyer. My emotions are mixed. I am proud of him and his accomplishment yet commanding a destroyer takes him away more often and for longer times. A cruiser is an independent ship. A destroyer follows an aircraft carrier so when the carrier sails, so too does the destroyer.

Last year, I was a disaster. I did not do deployment well, acting as a brand-new sailor’s wife. I could not even blame pregnancy or menopause. I have done much better this year. I still missed him. I still got lonely. I think that somehow, working on base helped. I remained rooted in all things navy. A civilian environment sets one up to think civilian. Civilian life vs. navy life never blends well.

I discovered I had cancer this year. I had some small tumors in my thyroid. I probably could have dealt with them earlier if I had gone to the doctor when I first felt the lump in my throat. I think the worst part of all of it was the biopsy. I was repeatedly stabbed in the throat with a needle. It was not painful, but it was uncomfortable. Even then, they only located one tumor. The second was not found until the surgery. The plan was to remove the entire thyroid so the second being discovered was not an issue. Now I am only checked to ensure there is not return. I still have not seen the endocrinologist. That is not until Jan 30. That is when I may get an iodine pill.

Everything else around here has been wonderful. Chao lei and Jun are doing well. Chao lei has been learning piano and is doing well. He does say he would like to learn drums next. I think he is becoming bored with piano. Jun I will relax with if only we can convince her she need not be such a daredevil. I have found her with a chair stacked on another so that she could reach the cookie jar which is kept high up so she will not eat them all in one sitting as she is known to do with many foods. No package of cherry tomatoes is safe! She is an arts and crafts type of girl though. I do not know who she got that from. She is a master of the glue gun. I know what one looks like. And I am not responsible for what she does to you if you touch her supplies.

Pickled green beans. A friend introduced me to them and taught me to make them and I do. Often. My greatest test everyday is to pass by the pantry and not open a jar. The children will eat them if I have a jar open and they are satisfied with that. I am addicted. Anything less than 6 jars and I make more. If the commissary is out of dill, I panic. Sad, out of season beans are used in the off-season because sad beans are better than no beans.

So, it has not been a very interesting year, but it has been busy. Jared is now a captain. I am now a high school teacher. My children continue to grow and challenge me. It was a good year.

Happy Christmas!

 I want to wish everyone a happy Christmas. I pray your day is a wonderful one!

圣诞快乐，新年快乐！

New Routine

Remember in my last post I spoke of reintegration when spouses return from deployment? Yeah. I am now in full reintegration mode. 

Again, I cease doing many of the things I am accustomed to. Strangely enough, in his absence I learned how to take care of the cars. I know when to take them to the shop for their oil changes. I know what to do if a pesky warning light comes on. The mechanic no longer treat me as a child  or try to convince me of un-needed repairs. It is a hard won status at the shop. All that will be lost now that Jared takes the cars in for work. The mechanics will praise me for how well I cared for our cars... you know... for a woman. Jared will be pleased but will not relinquish his duties. As time passes, mechanics will forget I am capable of caring for cars despite my gender. I know this will happen from experience.

I must share sound space with him again. I love sharing physical space with Jared so please do not misunderstand what I say. It is the change in sound that can grate on my nerves. He has a very eclectic  taste in music. Most of it is tolerable. But... and it is usually post cruise his tastes tend towards it... heavy metal is at the bottom of my tolerance scale. It was banned during pregnancy because Chao lei AND Jun threw absolute fits when he played it. Since it was my insides being attacked, it was my preferences that mattered. I am walking with a sore jaw from clenching it. I should have bought those noise canceling headphones I saw.

I have to share the children again. It is not a bad thing completely. It is only Jared has a different disciplinary style than I do; given his recent return it is considerably more lax than mine. The children discovered this very quickly. They now go to their father for requests of things they believe I will answer no to. I pray it is not so long before he returns to the response of, "What did your mother say?"

I have to, as un-defiantly as possible, remind him he is not aboard his ship and that I nor the children are one of his sailors. He is intelligent and this usually does not take long; a couple of weeks at the most. It is an interesting couple of weeks that we are compensated well for putting up with. lol

Much to Jared's pleasure, Mother is still here for two more days before she returns home. That means he eats her cooking rather than mine. My cooking is not bad. I believe it to be quite good. It is only not Mother's. I will not complain for her doing the cooking. It means I have a few more days before I must do it. Do not fret of her Christmas. China treats it as more of a Valentine's day. Still, she will be home before it.

Understand, I love that Jared is home. I missed him terribly and am a willing participant in living this life with him. This is only a vent post. This is one of the things we were warned of in Command Spouses' training. We were encouraged to develop some way to vent outside of the community we are in because vents can go up the chain but never down. My husband is the captain so there is no up for me so. There is only here. If you frequent this blog, be be forewarned, you will see the occasional vent. I will keep them to a minimum. ;-)

Every Winter

 Every winter, we get an influx of new ship mates. With those shipmates come their spouses. Many of them are freshly married, it is their first sea duty assignment, or it is their first OCONUS assignment. In the past, as a ship's officer's wife, it was expected to help the newbies, even if you were one yourself. Now, as the captain's wife, it is expected even more. It is mine to know what is going on with families, though I could have sworn that is what the FRG and Ombudsman were for. I suppose it makes sense though. Experience unshared is worthless. I thought I would share some warnings of what is to come. Knowing is half the battle, right?  

CONTROL...  

you have very little. I would suppose you were prepared to lose some control but you likely are not prepared for the amount of control you will be forced to give up. Every decision you make will be influenced by many other factors. Throw away your pens and keep pencils and MANY erasers handy because all of your choices are subject to change.

LEARN A SECOND LANGUAGE... ACRONYMS... 

Most time, we spouses have no idea what our spouses are speaking of. The number of acronyms used by military personnel are many. Do not depend on war movies to fill in the blanks. You might learn of FUBAR and SNAFU but there are so many more. There are even service specific acronyms so my language may not be the same as yours. A good place to start is HERE. There are so many more. Discover yours and learn them well.

DEPLOYMENT... IT SUCKS

One might think that pre-deployment is all  fun and relaxing before they go. One would be incorrect. It is deployment gear strewn about the home, anxious anticipation of the departure and emotional disconnect. None of these things are avoidable. The disconnect is generally on the spouse's end. They have things to do and having you in the forefront of their thoughts can distract them. A distracted service member is never a good thing.

When they return home is good though. Right? It is really a mixed bag. I am overjoyed when my husband finally returns home! I missed him. There are numerous videos of homecomings that just get the feels going. But now he is home, he wishes to return to his place in the family and it feels like a bad first date. You spend months developing your routine and now they are home and want to change it.

HAVING YOUR OWN CAREER IS NOT EASY...

 Having a career in the midst of military life is sort of like a hamster wheel, and it goes something like this…

1.   Get a job.
2.   Quit six months later to move.
3.   Take nine months to find a new job.
4.   Start that job and work towards promotion. Right before you receive your promotion, you have to quit your job and move overseas.
5.   Repeat until your spouse separates or retires. 

FRIENDSHIPS CAN BE HARD...

Friendship in the military usually comes in stages that look like this

1. When you first move to a new duty station and have zero friends. It can be difficult, especially if you allow it to last for long.
2.  When you attend ayour first spouses’ event and realize you are not on the “in crowd.”
3. When you ask another spouse for her number, but do not call because you do not want to be too overbearing.
4. When you make a new friend but instantly regret it. She is not really your type.
5. Eventually you resign to the fact that finding your new milspouse friend is the equivalent to one bad blind date after the next. 
6. Then you give up on making friends.
7. Woot! You finally make a friend!
8. You realize it is near PCS time and what friends you have are all going anywhere but where you are.
9. Repeat cycle

NO PLAN IS SET IN STONE...

Yes, I know. I mentioned this one before but it needs saying again. Go ahead. Make plans. It has been said, "Military life is having a plan.Then a new plan. Then another plan. Then the first plan. Then a brand new plan only to go back to the original plan.

EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT DEPLOYED, THEY ARE NOT HOME.

In the months preceding a deployment they are gone on and off for months for training. It’s a constant cycle of separation even when service members aren’t deployed.  

OUTSIDERS NEVER SEEM TO TRULY "GET IT."

Unless you are or have been a mil-spouse, it’s hard to understand it.
 Many things can happen to our spouse while they are serving, up to and including the ultimate sacrifice we do not wish to discuss but remains very real. A well-meaning loved one might share something like, “Don’t worry, from statistical standpoint, there’s a very high chance he’ll return home.” or something like “This too shall pass.”

I am sure it will... like a kidney stone.  

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU REALIZED WAS POSSIBLE. 

 This quote from  Legacy Magazine really hits home…

“We like to joke that the Marine Corp owns my husband’s body, and it’s mostly true. Part of his obligation is to personally take all of the risks our nation requires of him. Being a Marine has been the honor of his life — he would have it no other way. It’s something that is difficult for me as a service member spouse to fully understand. But because I love him, I continue to support him, even if it costs us everything.”

Now you know they are coming. They should be easy to work through.

NOT!

Dare I Say It?

Dare I say we are returning to a "normal" routine? I will not say it too loud. The Navy may hear me and throw change our way.

We shopped. All week end. Saturday was spent on the Blue Road visiting all the shops we have neglected for so long.

It is called the Blue Road because, if one looks closely, there are blue flakes mixed with the asphalt. It was an attempt to recycle material from construction. That this is the only blue road and it is so short, I cannot say it was a successful attempt. Being Japan though, they still mix blue flakes in the asphalt so that the road is uniform. It is not aesthetically acceptable to have a solid black square in the middle of blue.

For a change of pace, we spent Sunday in Yokohama. Oddly enough, we decided to walk the Yamatecho Walk, other wise known as  Yokohama Chinatown.

 I actually spent much time conversing in Mandarin and Cantonese, which is not something you expect to do in Japan. We may find it is necessary to make a return trip soon.

Something I love of the Japanese, their menus are pictorial. One need not be able to read the menu, only look at the picture.

Some even go so far as having plastic replicas of their food. Whichever method they use to show their menu, one can reasonable count on getting something they will enjoy with few surprises. Understand, there will be a surprise here and there but always eat as Andrew Zimmern says, "If it looks good, eat it." Sometimes though, it is best not to ask what it was that you just enjoyed.

It was a most enjoyable time. Since it is Christmas time, the shopping is a little crowded so it is best to arrive by train. Sunday ended with a sleeping Jun riding the train in her father's arms and a tired Chao lei helping his mother carry the few packages acquired in shopping. I think we will do this again. Only maybe not two days in a row.

Another Week Done

Another week is done. My get up and go got up and went and has yet to return. According to the doctor, this is normal and I should return to normal as we get my medicines settled. Normal. What will that be? At the moment, I can swallow sips and nibbles. There is a constant feeling of something stuck in my throat that I just can not swallow. I can only hope it improves soon.

It seems the endocrinologist is not so important as to be seen so soon after surgery. I finally have an appointment scheduled for January 30. It is a long time away but there is plenty to occupy my time until then. I have several lab tests scheduled along with follow-up appointments. I will not be bored.

Mother will leave soon and I will return to doing all the cooking. Mother will return home since Jared is finally home after six months. Do not fear. He will enjoy mother's cooking for a few days. Then he is stuck with mine.

The only thing to think of now is will Jared be underway at the end of January? He will not be deployed for months but for days is a possibility. After all, ships are not built to sit at the pier. China could choose to do something foolish and off the ship will go. Oh well. Such is the Navy life. Where else can one have such a large group of people call her Aunt Mei?

We will squeeze in ass many outings as possible while we wait for next year's deployment or the various under-ways that are sure to come. I'm thinking the Lego's Discovery Center will be the first. We will see after that.

I am Back... For Now

I am back to school this week. For how long is a guess. I have yet to see the Endocrinologist. They are supposed to call this week to schedule an appointment. This appointment will determine if I will be given the iodine pill that will result in my week-long isolation. This is the pill that is supposed to make me ill.

Whatever they do, I hope it is soon. It is getting to the time when it will affect Christmas. I do not wish to be isolated during Christmas and neither do I desire to be ill. If the effects do last five days as they say, then there are 13 days they can begin the treatment without affecting our holiday plans. I know. I am a navy wife and should be accustomed to plans being changed. I will also be missing for a week again while doing the iodine treatment so getting into a groove will prove difficult. I have to keep the instruction adaptable if for no other reason than the substitute will need to be able to assign work that makes sense and does not allow for an absence of substantial instruction.

Oh well. Fussing about it will not change it. I am sure they will consider the holiday being so close.

Returning to school, I will have a new visible scar and a still swollen throat. It looks as a man's throat but with an ugly red scar. I am told it will fade and they do offer a scar reduction therapy. We will see. There are many explanations of what happened, how does it feel, etc. to look forward to. Maybe I will wear a turtle neck. You know, out of sight, out of mind. Or a scarf.

I suppose I will establish a routine even if it is a strange one for now. Then Jared will come home and I can change it again.

Closer to Healed

 Each day brings a better level of comfort that the day before. I can swallow reasonably well though they must be kept slightly smaller. I can eat dumplings and that is good enough for me. Pills are a different story. I can only take them one at a time. My custom in the past was all at once but since I cannot swallow liquids as fast, I cannot swallow pills as fast. and I have 11 of them to get down.

I have yet to see the endocrinologist. He is the one who will determine if I will take the iodine pill. I hope he decides soon so I can get the nausea over with quickly. I am tired of being ill. I am also numb on my right hand and arm. I was told this could happen and that I should take calcium tablets. I do but the numbness remains. I am not sure I can take more. Pills are my breakfast as it is. Now that I am getting my air back (I congested horribly from the surgery), Mother, the children, and I can begin going on outings. Maybe even the Lego Discovery Center in Tokyo. 

Have you ever had a moment when , in your mind, you were a little girl again? I had that moment recently. I have an extraordinary mother. The way she has tended me after my surgery brought me back to my childhood. All good things must end though. Now she urges me on refusing to allow me to be lazy and to do those things I must. She is a Chinese mother, willing to tell me what I need to hear with no reservations yet doing so with understanding and love. She will treat me as her little girl but only when I need it. All other times I am her adult daughter. I strive to be just like her.

Strange Holiday

I hope to not have another one like yesterday. I do enjoy Thanksgiving. I tends to be quieter than the others.Yesterday was not a good holiday for me.

Of course, being only a week post surgery, there is the tiredness to deal with. I am just unmotivated or anything. I do not wish to be in bed except for when I wish to be in bed. This coughing must end soon.

The ship remains underway so that means no Jared. Funny how press releases say they have returned to Japan but the reality is they have only returned to Japanese waters. At least Chao lei and Jun had their waizumu with them to make up for my definite lack of enthusiasm for the day.

The absolute worst thing of yesterday was, for the first time in 15 years, I had no single sailor for the day. I does not seem to be Thanksgiving  unless I have at least one for the day. I do not care for the idea that a sailor is alone on a holiday because he serves here and his family and friends are a thousand miles away.

I see the doctor soon. I will discuss how to get past this funk quickly. I do not care for it.

Success

I have had a successful surgery. More so if by successful the object was to cause me to hurt. In that it has been overly successful.

My thyroid is gone. They discovered a second nodule they did not see in early scans. It was close to a vocal cord. Removal has also removed my voice for what we are hoping is temporary. If not, I will always whisper. Jared may care for that should get angry at him and wish to yell a bit.I do not yell often but sometimes a yell is all that will do. Imagine, every argument ends with a whisper and a snicker. Mother says it is likely temporary and will return in a week or two. 

When I awoke after surgery, it was easy. I ate what I wished and guzzle water. Unfortunately, that is normal. After all, many drugs are still coursing through your body preventing the pain. It is the following day the truth is discovered. Only sips so small they will barely dampen the pill are taken. Anything larger is like swallowing a golf ball. I have never swallowed a golf ball but I imagine that first undrugged swallow would be close to it. Mother's delicious cooking? I can smell it as I choke my jello down.

I am told I will improve daily. I hope this is true. I like Jello. Only not this much. I want real food. I want dumplings. I want noodles. Broth does not count.

I will miss the tending by my children. Chao lei always seeing to what I need. He feels guilty of going to school while I recover. Jun lays next to and strokes my hair as she falls asleep. It is awkward to remove her arm from my neck though but one can only endure the needle pain for so long. She makes up for it by giving me booboo kisses.

The cancer? They got it all. They think. Everything proceed well. Except for the little making the vocal chord angry and possibly changing my voice forever. Bright side; I will only be the quiet little Chinese lady next door who never raises her voice.

On with the pain!

Finding Comfort

Finding comfort can sometimes be difficult.Many people search for it yet never find it completely. I am pained for these people. Would that I could give them some of mine, they would feel better.

I have many things in my life that comfort me. My husband comforts me very much. I know that despite him often being gone, I can depend on him blindly. I do not need to worry of him "having my back" in whatever situation. He knows me well which, if I am honest, surprises me. I am unlike any other woman he could have married. I am of Chinese origins. Not a second or third generation but "fresh off the boat" Chinese. Barely speaking English fresh off the boat. He spent much time having no idea what I was on about. He dealt with so many Chinese customs he could not understand as I learned to be more American and less Chinese. He is my greatest comfort.

My children are one of my comforts. They depend on me to do things that even I may not think I am capable of doing. They are understanding when I fail. They do not give me second chances. They give me more chances. Chao lei often relieves me of caring for Jun because "I look tired." I need not tell him of keeping tidy. He often takes that too far and begins to clean the entire house until I scold him for doing so then happily clean with me so I do not get lonely. I remember Jun's reaction to eating a cake that I had made, horribly (read swapped the salt for the sugar). I saw the look on her face at first bite and wondered what was wrong so I tasted it too. Absolutely horrible. Unless you prefer salty cakes. Even while I was tasting it, Jun continued to eat it. When I asked her why she would do such a thing she simply replied, "Because you made it for me." Yes. They are such a comfort to me.

I have an unusual comfort out their in the world. It is left over from before Jared became captain. I have a warm feeling when the ship's crew call me Aunt Mei. It is how I tell of a new crew member because they do not. Some have said this is not appropriate. I tell them to mind their business. They are my family. "All of them? Yes, all of them." I make cookies for them. I remember their birthdays. I do my best to ensure none are forgotten. It is common to walk anywhere on base and hear, "Hi, Aunt Mei!" That comforts me.

I have a comfortable life. I may fuss from time to time but that is only to "clear the ducts."

The Day Before

 It is the day prior to my surgery. I am having mt thyroid removed because of cancer. It was discovered early so the likelihood of a complete is 99%. After they remove it I will have an Iodine tablet that will track down any remaining cells and kill them. I am told I will likely become nauseous for about a week and I will need to isolate myself during that week. I do not believe I will enjoy the time as my children will be kept from me.

I am fortunate mother is coming. She will arrive here in approximately four hours. Having my mother here has distinct advantages. She is a doctor so is aware of the restrictions I will be facing. She will also be able to explain to Chao lei the reason for the separation. He will be reasonable. Jun?  Jun will be Jun so it is only to keep her out of the room. Somehow.

I find it curious that some adults do not understand the idea of isolation. Did we not just come through a time of isolation? Can they have forgotten so quickly? Adults are asking for good times to come visit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I wonder if Mother will be able to tell them to return much later.

I will just be happy that it is over. I wonder if I will be able to enjoy mother's cooking.

He Has Been Replaced

 Jared has been replaced. I was in another mood last night.

It was one of those moods that requires music. In this case, it was Michael Bublé. I have been known to dance myself around. It is a secret I try to maintain but I have been caught too many times. "Dance like no one is watching" has occurred too many times with people watching.

Last night, as I was dancing to Mr. Bublé. Chao lei decided to make me not look so silly dancing about alone. It would not have surprised me much if he would have danced a short time with his mother. What surprised me was he danced until the disc was finished. I put on the album "Higher" and he joined me immediately. Thirteen tracks later he wanted more. Given the time of night and there being school the next day, I declined his invitation after which he declared, "I have to tell Dad to do this with you more often." I have a good son.

The day has started well since I find I am in the same mood as last night. There is no music available at the moment. At the least, I see no ear buds in anyone's ears. If I become desperate enough, there is always my phone. I would not be disappointed to enjoy this mood all day. People would find me overly cheerful but that would be their problem/blessing. It has lightened the mood in first period. 

I like good days. Maybe there will be a dance tonight. It would not hurt. lol

Winter is Coming

I know many that dread the coming of winter. I do not care for it. For many, it is the dreaded Seasonal Affective Disorder where one is depressed at certain seasons of the year; most often Autumn or winter. For me, it is usually Autumn; when the weather takes a turn to the gray cloudy days. If you have ever been depressed or lacked energy without a reason you can discover, you have likely suffered S.A.D.

I am one that begins the affliction in Autumn. My dislike of winter springs from the cold weather. I hate being cold. Given the choice, on a cold day, you will likely find be in my chair near a source of heat, be it a fireplace, a space heater, or even a heating pad, sipping a hot beverage and reading anything I can find.

Autumn is my difficult time. It is not the temperature. It is the grayness. Of all the colors on an artists palette, gray would be the one I banned. Now that I think of it, all US Navy ships are painted gray but I find them beautiful in their way. Fine, Mr Artist. Paint the ships gray but not the clouds.

After doing research, I discovered ways to keep myself more cheery during these times. Some are free. Others take a little investing but I have found they all help.

The first thing I do when Autumn comes is ensure my UV lights are all working. I have invested in four. They are not expensive. I use Circadian Optics lamps but there are many others. I place these lights in my living room, kitchen, dining room and bathroom. You do not need so many as to replace other lights in the room. Just one is enough unless the room is a very large one. Turn them on during the day and off at night like normal lamps.

Lights are not magic. They help tremendously but staying active does too. Do not sit and wallow in misery. Get up a do something. I have been known to haunt stairwells, traveling up and down, over and over. Is the sun finally peeking out from the clouds? Run outside if you can! Soak up as much of that precious sunshine as you can while it is there.

Vitamin D in large quantities. At least 1000 IU or up to 4000 IU. Get it from food or supplements but get it. The main sources of vitamin D are sunshine (thus the reason to run outside whenever you spot the sun), fatty fish, egg yolks, fish liver oils, fortified foods, and supplements.

Remember to get enough sleep and if that is not enough, eat cake. No, seriously, eat cake. Just keep it under control, especially if your not doing so well at the "keep active" bit. How can you not be happy eating cake? The sugar is a boost that accompanies all the happy memories that are associated with cake. Do NOT bake a cake and eat it all by yourself... in one sitting. Fine, wrap it up in a party or something if you can not have a cake for no other purpose than having a cake. Share it and make other people happy too. My children become very happy when I offer them cake and it is no one's birthday. Allow your cake to be a happiness bomb. It goes boom and is quickly gone but still has accomplished its purpose.

These are the things I do to stave off the grayness that is Autumn and Winter and help me survive until spring colors erupt again. Maybe they can help you too. And do you really need gray skies to justify a cake?

10 Weeks and Counting

It is ten weeks and counting that Jared is gone. It is not a record by any means. That will be set in an additional eight weeks. 

The drawback to reaching that record is my surgery is in three weeks. Mother will be here but mother is not Jared. Of course, if Jared does return prior to my surgery, he will enjoy mother's cooking as he sees to what needs to be taken care of. Is that not how it always works for husbands? I must do all with no assistance for weeks, yet he will have help doing what I have been doing alone. He has such an easy life. lol

How a school can have the same photographer but deliver pictures at different times is beyond my understanding. The pictures were taken on the same day. I have June's picture but not Chao lei's. Do they process them in some sort of order? It certainly is not alphabetical. Perhaps it is by grade and they began with preschool. I have frames that require pictures. Do they not understand this? I also have grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, demanding pictures.

Speaking of school, Chao lei's music class is having a performance. They will be performing a song called "Play That Funky Music." Really? There are no better songs to play? How will that sound on a violin? Chao lei is competent on his violin but even now I hear the piercing screeching of his violin as he practices what he has heard. I certainly hope the teacher has a plan that will do something to make the song ... hear able... I will dutifully listen to the final product and clap appreciatively when it concludes regardless of ear pain but I can not help think there has got to be a better song.

June has decided she will become a gymnast. For now. Who knows what she will decide to be next week. Last week she was a soccer star. I will support whatever goal she sets for her self but I do hope she stays with gymnastics. She seems a natural. She has already mastered handstands and walking on her hands. Her cartwheels are not horrible. She even pulls the cushions off the couch so she can do flips. We will see. Fingers crossed.

Second quarter has begun and all of my students seemed to survive the first quarter in one piece. I suppose a good thing of AP students is there are fewer cell phone problems with them. Speaking to other teachers I have discovered there is an epidemic of phone usage in class. I believe what contributes to this is we are not allowed to take away phones. I have not had an issue yet but my students have been warned I have zero tolerance for phone usage in class and I will immediately dismiss the offender to the office and they will get a failure for the day. It is my job to teach them. I will teach them their life is the result of their choices and their choices have consequences; good and bad. And, after I have been duly warned, I am prepared to take on parents that disagree. Conferences approach.

All in all, life goes well in our house. Now if we could just get Jared home.

Exam Results

After grading all exams and looking to accepted ratios, it seems I am an effective teacher so far. The amount of pass and fails were well within the normal ranges except that I had no fails in my AP classes. This is not because I am such a perfect teacher. It is because those students are advanced placement students. High performance is expected.

In my non-AP classes my ratios remained good. I had three failures but those were due to absences or tardiness and makeup tests will be available. I had several (mostly in languages) that were close to failure. I will review the exams with the students to understand why their scores were so low. 

A teacher told me, it is rare that the student is bad; it is usually the teacher. The teacher fails to understand how the student learns. It becomes necessary for the teacher to adapt themselves to the student. It is not always so easy to do so. It can be quite complicated or even seem against everything a teacher is taught of what teaching is. As an example, I have a student who it seems ignores me during every class. He does work from other classes , pausing occasionally and seems to pay attention before returning to being distracted.

I discovered this student has severe ADHD. He can accept new information very quickly but just as quickly lose track of the class. He has accepted the information but without more that quickly follows, he loses interest. I must regain his attention. When information is new I say zhǎnshì (zhan3 shi4, I show) at the beginning to get his attention. It is short but enough to stand out as not common enough to be ignored. The other students think it is only my version of umm. Imagine the frustration of feeling you are being ignored while teaching. His scores have gotten higher so I must assume this method is working.

So, I am pleased I am not a horrible high school teacher.

One Quarter Done.

OK. The high school version of mid-terms is underway! I know my students are not as excited as I am of it. For them, it is a test of their acquired knowledge. For me, it is a test of my teaching methods. Am I an effective teacher? My impressions so far tell me they are absorbing the information given to them fairly well. Impressions can be wrong though. The tests should prove if my impressions are correct.

At the same time, I know that some students do not test well. Place an exam in their view and their minds blank. My habit at the university was to orally quiz students on what seemed problem areas. Most proved to have the knowledge but were unable to express it on paper.. I intend doing the same with my current students.My job is to teach them, not score them solely by some metric I had no influence developing.

A frustrating thing I have observed is, administrators are fond of saying "each student learns in their unique way" then expect me to teach them the same as every other student. The contradiction makes my brain hurt so I will do it my way until instructed otherwise. I anticipate that would be an interesting conversation.

I do not assign homework on a regular basis. It seems my students receive plenty of that from other teachers. All I hope for is I am considered a fair and reliable teacher. I will not baby them through a course but I will help where I can. Every student will be held to the same standards. I am astounded by the weight of their back packs as they leave the school for the day. In my opinion, homework should be rare. There are other more effective ways to prove their knowledge. Besides, did you know there are apps that will do your math homework for you, including advanced maths? Am I to wait until they fail exams before discovering problems because they have used these apps?

I suppose my questions (fears) will be answered by the end of Friday. Then I can adapt and move on.

It Is Too Early

Here it is 0430 on a Sunday morning and I am very awake. It is good I went to bed at 2000 but it means I am to have a long day.

Maybe I could fill some of the day with a visit to Parcabout Tree Nets or even Cosmo world. The former is a "jungle gym," the latter a theme park. Either one would occupy and tire Chao lei and June while keeping me moving to prevent me sleeping all day.

A ship's spouse has been calmed. I hope. This being my second tour here at Yokosuka may be an advantage. I have experienced the missions and pace before and survived. A younger spouse sees the activity in the East China Sea and it can become frightening when it is a thought left to itself. It requires explanations of this activity is nothing new. It occurs every day and is simply each side flexing its muscles. Is it a possibility that someone does something stupid? Yes but it is very unlikely. China knows the caliber of its ships and that most are far inferior to even just our ship. Telling this wife these things seemed to relax her at least some. Just so that you know, sometimes it is far easier giving this advice than it is living it. 

I was born Chinese and immigrated to America. Sometimes that helps by giving a perceived level of knowledge of the Chinese government. That knowledge is exactly that; perceived but non-existent. In these times, I am able to state some knowledge of or predict the behavior of the PRC and it is generally accepted. This is very helpful when trying to comfort a worried spouse.

Other times, my opinions are suspect because of my ancestry. I often feel as the Japanese-Americans at Pearl Harbor must have felt as their loyalty to the US was questioned for no reason other than ancestry. Fortunately, most Americans can not see the difference of Japanese and Chinese appearance so it occurs rarely here in Japan.

"Chinese Living in English." It is an old blog name of mine that reflected what I thought of my life at the time. I was a Chinese woman learning to live as an American woman. Back then, my speech was heavily accented. I still have an accent but now it is more refined and my words are better understood. I no longer have the constant need of the ever-present Mandarin-English dictionary of my past. There remain occasions where one is helpful though. My thinking was always through a Chinese mind-set that often conflicted with an American lifestyle. I believe I have found the balance of being American while keeping hold of my Chinese history.

I believe I have gotten adept at ignoring the negatives. Offenses must be fairly overt to garner my attention. The only time I get angry of it is when I have to explain it to my children. The Navy has become adept at preventing much of it with the potential ending of careers for it. Single sailors were the usual culprits. The Navy must be doing something right since those occasions have become rare. It was/is tiring to be judged for skin color rather than character. The most common instances of being treated poorly is by single women on the base because single men demonstrate a preference for Japanese women. I still do not understand how that is my fault. I am not even Japanese.

I can still see the duality of my life. Not as often but it remains noticed. The bad part of growing and learning is that I have learned to see where offense can be found. It is fortunate that I have also learned I need not be offended for every little thing that happens.

I Will Admit.

I will admit that current events in the South China Sea are a bit unnerving for me. Regular stories from the news of coalition ships doing "Freedom of Navigation" and Chinese responses do not help settle me. I have received email from Jared of course but they say the usual things; nothing. He tells me where they have been but not where they are going.

I am told not to worry. China is, after all, a paper tiger. The problem is, even paper tigers have claws that, if caught unaware, can do as much damage as a strong tiger. Jared is capable else they would not have put him in command. But he is a new captain. It is a real threat. It is not as if he has not seen this behavior before. Being XO on a cruiser brought him into the same area often.

I do not write these things because I am overly worried of them (though I do tense up when I first turn on news broadcasts). They are only thoughts in my head that I need to express then move out of my mind. I wish to remain happy as I have been since school has started. Also, it would not be good for the ship's families to see the captain's wife having a negative attitude. I would be unable to help keep their morale up if mine was down. 

I did not volunteer for this place I am at. I steadfastly refuse to "wear my spouse's rank." I did, however, volunteer to marry Jared and, by extension, the Navy. Whether I like it or not, there are expectations of me in this place I have volunteered to be in. My behavior has the ability to affect his career for the good or bad. My behavior has the potential to affect the ship's families morale which could forward to the ship's crew.

This is the portion of a captain's wife they tried to prepare us for in the Command Spouse Leadership Course. It is almost funny how it is easy to accept in the abstract but becomes more difficult to accept in reality. I tended to believe they were being dramatic in the beginning. Now Jared asks me what is happening at home because some sailor on board is worried for his wife because she is near panic. It seems it falls to me to make contact with her to try and calm her fears which I will do after school today. 

They warned me.

OK. I believe I am vented. Now to go on with life. I am off to spread joy and peace!

Moving Forward

Now I have a date to work with in my planning. November 17 I will have surgery. I requested it to be in November since I have several events happening through the rest of October that I will need my voice. Being without a voice, and being radioactive, would definitely put a damper on those events.

The order of events is supposed to help me get through this. I have surgery where they will remove my thyroid

The school has spoken of me doing remote instruction for my classes. I am not sure of it though. I have been informed the iodine treatment could cause me mild nausea to being camped over a bucket. I suppose a further discussion with the doctor at the preop appointment will be necessary. 

So, there is no reason to suffer extra stress over this cancer. Some of the events surrounding it almost require it but not the cancer itself. It is not akin to having your tonsils removed but neither is it op surgery. Besides, they have already stabbed me in the throat with needles. why should I not expect they would cut it too?  lol

The Chao lei and June seem to be doing well with this event. They were very concerned with it in the beginning. Chao lei wondered if I was hurting. June has tears thinking I might die. I reassured them that I was ok. I did not hurt and I would not die. Not yet anyway. Then I allowed them to come to the doctor with me and ask him questions. They seemed calm after that. I also told them they may hear things about cancer that scares them again but to always  remember what the doctor told them and to ask me of it if that did not help ease their worries. June's teacher tells me that she talks to her classmates about it freely and almost as if she is proud of it.

Now if we can just get Jared home for at least some of this side journey. It is not that he can change anything of it physically. It is spiritually where he would work wonders. He already works to keep me cheerful. He jokes of the new scar I will have. "It will be only a small one among the many. How am I going to notice it?"

Life will go on. What will my fretting change? Nothing, so why fret of it? I will continue to care for my family despite some little undisciplined cells. I will treat them as I would a disagreeable person. They will be removed from my life and I will carry on happily.

The "C" Word has finally Been Uttered

 I went to the oncologist this morning and finally had someone say cancer. It was strangely settling to actually hear the word rather phrases like "highly suspicious."

It is cancer in my thyroid so I will be scheduled for a thyroidectomy in a few weeks. As cancers go, this one is a very slowly progressing one and it has been discovered very early so time is important but not of the essence. After surgery, I will be given a radioactive iodine pill that is supposed to chase down and kill any wandering thyroid cells. For this part, I am supposed to isolate from others because of the radiation I will be eliminating over a week avoiding contact with everyone and everything. I will have to tell my sweet little Yuki to go away. It is difficult enough for the children but the children will understand much more than her. She will only know that I sent her away.

I have questions. Questions such as, What do I do with my children for that week? Will Jared be home during this time? What is he supposed to do? If he is not home, what am I supposed to do? I have much to figure out in a short amount of time.

Now comes the time to discuss this with Chao lei and June. I would rather be the one to tell them the facts rather than give them little information to let others fill in with bad information. June already knows of the lump on my throat. She is the one that discovered it while snuggling. They both are curious but have been told I have no information until the doctor gives it to me. This should be fun. :/

When all is done, I will simply carry on living. What else is there to do?

September is Done

Do you believe September is finished already? It has gone by so quickly. 

Perhaps it is because it is something new but but teaching at high school has kept me busy enough to not feel Jared's absence as intensely  as I have in the past. Or it could be I just grew up and have learned to deal with this life. Which ever. I am happy it is as normal as Navy life can be.

Jared did warn  that a change of ship type meant a change in underway frequency and duration. He has been gone for six weeks so far. Not the longest trip but long enough. It is safe to say our home routine is firmly established now and I sort of dread the homecoming. Not because I do not want Jared home, of course. I suppose it is better to say I dread the disruption of our routine. After all of the time I have lived with the Navy, one would think I would have discovered the off switch to our deployed routine and return to our family routine. That has been an elusive switch.

It is much work to reintegrate the family after Jared returns from an underway. I have to surrender my total control and return to him what is his share of running this household. I must deliberately think to allow him to do those things that have always been his portion. 

Of course, it is not all of my burden. He must remember that I am not one of his sailors and neither are the children. I understand why he does it at time. If you spend months commanding at sea, you tend to command all the time with everyone you interact with. There are no civilians on board. It usually takes a little nudge to remind him of his loss of command when he is home.

I am pleased with how I am living now. I think resigning the university and joining the high school faculty was just the thing to get me here. I am with my children now. I am with Jared now, (well, when he is home but I can be pier-side when he returns!)

Go, Navy!

A Strange Forecast

I suppose it is typhoon season so we must accept the impending. While we are not under TCCOR warnings (typhoon warnings) we are to expect gale conditions (winds of 32-60 mph). We have gale warnings for Tokyo Bay and Sagami Bay. We live on the peninsula between the two. Can they have different weather? I can see both from where I sit right now.

It should make school interesting. I have been warned that "My homework was blown away" will be a common excuse for the next couple of days. Despite the best attempts at warnings, some will lose their homework to the winds. 

Chao lei and Jun have backpacks for this purpose AND I drive them to school so their time in the wind will only be the distance from the drop off to the school door. Should I discover either have attempted this excuse, they will discover their mother can determine make up homework in addition to redoing the teacher assigned work.

Speaking of mothers, mine has determined her time to visit me. She has decided she will come October 16 and stay a few days. The children are excited for it. She will bring things of China they do not get here. It is very likely she will do the cooking and I will be required to learn from her. That does not bother me. It means I get to eat very well cooked food and a lot of it. Jared will not be pleased if he is not home for it at least a short time.

It is Autumn in Japan. Gone are may days of sunshine. The days will mostly be soggy and cool. Hiking boots will require lugs. Unless you thrill at slipping and sliding. I suppose it adds to the adventure.

Hey, It IS Japan!

I was hoping the weather would cooperate with an outing today. It seems that will not be so. This is Japan. Of course there will be rain. I had only hoped it would be a light rain. 

Not so. We are in a "Heavy Rain Warning for Ground-loosening." I knew we were not going out this morning before I looked to the weather because I could plainly hear the rainfall. Looking out my windows I could see the small rivers of water flowing past.

Father up the road they have been warned of mudslides so I watch for muddy water flowing past us. We are not in the danger area (so they say) but I will take Chao lei and Jun on the base if the hillside seems to sliding.

Now the task for me is to think of something to occupy the children. Nothing is scarier than bored children. Yu Kids Ai Land is an enclosed play ground with ball pit and other obstacles. It is a reasonable option. It is only ¥600 (about $4.50) per child. Adults are free with child. 

I have some craft items. I even have small craft kits but how long will those last? I suppose we can fill time watching movies while eating popcorn. With a VPN, we are able to stream Disney channel or another streaming channel. AFN is not so good for entertaining children. Unless they prefer football then it is more than up to the task.

I will think of something to keep them from becoming restless. I must hurry. they will awake any moment.

SAT's Are Over

 At the least, until next month. They have chosen to administer the SATs and the ACTs on different days though. I am thankful for that. This last time made for a very full day doing both.

This last week has been uneventful. The surgeon has remained silent about our appointment. The lack of communication from him leads to two possible conclusion. First, the issue is so negligible as to not warrant any haste in the matter. The second is, I am beyond hope and a delay will make no difference in the outcome. But are those not the usual extremes when dealing with medical issues?

For me, It is the use of such terms as concern, suspicious, and make sure to cause me to believe the first. I take this seriously as I know "suspicious" can grow into "confirmed killer" quicker than I could predict. I have determined to call my GP if I have not heard from the surgeon by Friday. I have no desire to fall through the cracks and become worse than is necessary. 

I do have one thing for my advantage that most do not. Mother is a medical doctor and she is coming for a visit soon. She can give me the advice I may need in addition to what my GP may offer. She gives me much advice even when I do not desire it. It may be refreshing for her to discover I would welcome her advice on this.

I have also spent a lot of time soothing Jared of this. He worries when there is nothing to worry about yet. Should the worst happen, even then there is no need to worry. What would it change? I do need him to become more relaxed of it though. How am I to tell our children that everything will be fine if he has not settled it his mind that it will be fine? I would like for he and I to tell them.

And no, I have not told the children. I must be careful not to reveal to much even among my coworkers but I may have already said too much. I mentioned only an appointment with the surgeon to one other teacher about a thyroid issue with no mention of cancer at all, and somehow a student of mine over heard it. Now it has grown among the students in my classes. It seems I must have surgery very soon or I will die before the first semester is finished. Ordinarily, my students are very intelligent. You have to love the rumor mill because ordinarily intelligent people get caught up in it and believe what they hear based on no facts or evidence. So, I have been forced to tell them it is not as they believe it to be in the hope it goes no farther or ,at the least, the damage is minimal. I really hope it does not reach an adult serial gossip's ear. I pray my children hear it from me rather than some other child or, even worse, an adult that has bad information.

Hospitals are Wierd

Am I the only person that thinks that when they send you reports, they should give the results in an understandable way? 

I had my biopsy done and received a report withing an hour that stated I had a procedure and how they performed it. I was there. I know how it was done. I was told of each step, why it was being done and what to expect as they did it.

The day after, I received a "Final Pathological Diagnosis." I would have believed that this report would have said cancer/no cancer. I was incorrect. It said "highly suspicious" And a note from my doctor telling me I was being referred to the thyroid surgeon so we can "determine for sure" if it is cancer and how we might treat it.

I am ok with facts. I believe I do have cancer. Why can they not say it? Fear of over reaction? They would eventually have to say the words. Why not say them early and be done with it so emotions do not interfere with decision making? This is not one of the "big scary" cancers from what I understand of it. It is cancer but it is a 99+% curable one. Since mine is so early, I have confidence of a full recovery. Yes, there is that 1% chance but I prefer to focus on the positive and assume it will be cured.

I told Jared the results this morning. I almost regretted it. He wanted to return home but to what purpose? Childbirth is more dangerous than this particular form of cancer yet he did not come home for that. There is no reason for him to come home now. The Navy is fickle about its captains and prefers them aboard a ship not home nursing a wife they did not issue him.

It is off to the surgeon next to determine for sure it is indeed cancer and then, what to do about it.

Another Week

I cannot say I do not miss Jared. I certainly do. They have been underway for 3 weeks. I have received the customary e-mails and texts as well as face time.That has not changed. I suppose being busy has made it easier to carry on. Even Chao lei and Jun do not ask as often of their father even though they are as excited as ever when he calls. It is best to be busy.

I found a small bump on my throat A few weeks ago so I made an appointment to have a doctor look at it. I thought it was a simple lipoma. The doctor discovered that it is a bit more. He performed an ultrasound but could not be conclusive so he referred me to the local hospital where they looked closer at my thyroid. They found nodules in it but saw that my pituitary glands were clear. I am told that is a good thing. But now I must have a biopsy done on the nodules tomorrow. Yay. Needles in my throat.

I have not told Jared of this. I will wait until there is something to tell. There is no reason to cause anxiety for him. He is a new captain and must focus his thoughts on his ship. Even in a worst case scenario, nothing will happen that cannot wait for his return. He could not return anyway. The Navy does not keep spare captains laying about so he can be relieved to see to me.

I do not care for the fact that I must miss an afternoon of classes. Especially because they are mid week classes. Were the missed classes only language classes I could leave exercises for a substitute to administer. But they are Advanced Quantitative Reasoning and AP Calculus. It seems they will have a day of personal study.

I suppose I will just move on through my days as normal. At the least, until there is something to worry about.

One Week

It has been one week and already I have a lost and found box in my desk drawer.

There are limited number of people in my classroom. I could probably think of who these items belong to but why should I expend the effort to do so? It has been only a week. But how do you not notice that you cannot see well because you do not have your glasses? When did the care and custody of their belongings become my responsibility? I cannot but sit back and snicker at their carelessness. I certainly hope they are not so careless in their studies. I have heard whispers of their concerns for gpa's.

So far as I can tell, I am considered a nice teacher. So far. They have only known me for a week. What would they know of me? There have been no quizzes or exams yet. Of course, that is to be reconciled Friday. I will inform you of any change in status then. lol

I have learned it is good to study the school calendar well. In my classroom scheduling, I have scheduled quizzes in all but the language classes. That requires grading to be done over the weekend. Expected. Not expected, I have been scheduled to be the SAT proctor on Saturday. There will be  a morning test and an afternoon test. It seems my quiz grading will be done that evening and Sunday afternoon. And I do not have Jared to assist me with the children. Totally my fault but ARG! It is tempting to postpone the quizzes though.

Mother has told me she intends to visit now that CoVid has tamed a bit and restrictions have eased. An advantage is I live off base so there is no need to do extra military paperwork for a Chinese National to visit my home. She must only satisfy the regular visa requirements of Japan.

Jared hopes he is home when she visits. He loves her cooking as much as I do. I suppose my Chinese/American fusion attempts fall short sometimes but if I only prepare Chinese food his face begins to say, "Oh no. Not again" and he begins to find reasons to eat in the ship's galley.

Chao lei and Jun enjoy their schools. Jun to the point I get jealous. If it were not for child locks on the car doors, she would have the door open before I am even stopped. I need to discover this magic they use.

The Week in Review

 Last week was more pleasant than I thought it would be. I had myself expecting it ti be a bit of a nightmare basing my expectations on the input from others. It ended up being nothing close to what I had imagined it to be.

I should not have expected anything else. Advanced students tend to be more adult like in their behavior. They have goals and are intent on achieving them. Anything that does not get them to their goal is generally ignored. I have what I suppose you could call class clowns but their clowning is usually reserved for times that do not interfere with the subject at hand. No, they are not perfect students so far. But they are extremely well behaved and focused.

I had some veteran teachers try to help the rookie teacher and caution her of unruly students she will face. To be honest, I am left wondering why they are teachers if they really believe the things they were telling me of the students; calling them military brats and spoiled little @$$holes. I understand there are those few who certainly fit the descriptions exactly but, so far, they have seemed to be a rare creature. 

Chao lei is as I knew he would be. He feigns a lack of interest in school when I inquire of his school but every now and then he forgets himself and I can hear the excitement in his voice. Even when he is not so excited to talk, I know better. 

Jun is unashamedly thrilled with school. I need not ask her of her day. Before the door of the car is closed and I have said hello, she is telling me what I believe to be every single moment of her day so quickly, it is often difficult to understand what she says. 

With both of them, it is difficult to not smile as they speak. I hope this does not change. At the least, not too soon.

The sandals are working exceptionally well during the day. My feet are not aching at all. I will need to order more before I wear these out prematurely. It has been many years that my feet have felt as good at the end of the day asa they do now.

School Has Begun

 It is day 2 of high school A "B" day to be precise. The schedule here will require getting used to. I have one set of students on an "A" day and another set on a "B" day. It seems the mathematics classes are one day and science/language are another. I can accustom myself to students having classes on different days since most of my classes are AP classes. Mandarin and Japanese classes are the exceptions. 

I met all of my students yesterday. They were as I imagined they would be on the first day; wide eyed and unsure. I tended to receive rather intelligent questions from them but I have discovered my class clowns already. More may appear after they discover how I deal with these first two.

Jun was unsure of  her preschool/daycare. While not clingy or tearful, she was somewhat reluctant to be left there. Who could blame her? I was leaving her with strangers in a strange place. Today, she was anxious to get there. I almost felt abandoned as she ran to her classroom with such glee and no apparent thought of me.

Chao lei was, well, Chao lei. It is school. He is happy to see his friends that he has not seen much of all summer but now he must settle into the "boring" routine of school. At least he does well being as bored as he claims he is. I suspect he is not as bored as he claims but keep up appearances with his friends.

To be honest, I am somewhat glad school has begun and we are all busy now. It is not that I do not wish to be with my children. I enjoy that very much. It is only that now I have something to do. All day. And with coming deployments, they will occupy my, and the children's, mind. There will not be extended times to dwell on absences.

I hate it when...

 I suddenly awake with a feeling that something has happened and it is not good.

I have not done this for several years. It was more common when Jared first became Navy. I did not know what to expect when he was underway. I thank my former homeland for that. It was only sabre rattling but one cannot expect normal behavior from China sometimes.

I could have understood this type of behavior a week or so ago. Jared was sailing in the South China sea and very near Taiwan. But he is home now. As I woke with a start, I felt him there right next to me. That did not comfort me. 

Still having the feeling, I got up to check on Chao lei and Jun. They were were sleeping and well. Chao lei was easy to tell since he has a slight snore when he sleeps. Jun is more difficult. In the dark, one must feel for the rise and fall of her breathing. She sleeps very soundly. Wherever she falls to sleep is where she remains until she wakes. Chao lei? Not so much. It was somewhat comforting to give each a small kiss on their cheeks knowing they were well.

Still, I could not return to sleep so I got up and checked online base resources for something wrong. Nothing. The Ombudsman's site is usually very quick to post news but it was clear of any catastrophes. It seems all is well and my feelings are unfounded. that is a good thing.

I suppose I will just consider it an overactive imagination that I must ignore, return to my bed, and hope was an isolated occurrence.

Once in a While...

 Sometimes, Jared's trips result in pleasant gifts. Usually, these are gifts from whatever ports of call they have visited. I do not mind them. He puts much thought into them. If he were to go to Hawaii without me, the gift would not bea little grass skirted bobble head doll grabbed from the terminal as an after thought. It would be something well thought out and meaningful. 

On this trip, he did perfectly. Rather than the usual gift fare though, he brought me a package he had ordered and was waiting in the ship's FPO rather than our personal box. He did not want me to see if without him giving it to me since it was for my birthday and they were underway for it.

It is funny to say this considering what the gift was but it was an absolutely perfect gift. It was a pair of shoes. Not just any pair of shoes but a pair of Vionic Platform Sandals.

I am not normally a sandal fan. They tend to be uncomfortable for my nearly flat feet. I tend to require a bit more arch support than many. Without it, my feet ache long before the day is finished. Sandals do not usually have arch support.

Jared's explanation for getting them is the XO's wife has flat feet but swears by anything Vionic. His thoughts were the worst that could happen is I would not care for them and there would be another pair of shoes in the closet not being worn. His choice of color was perfect but I reserved an opinion of the style until after I wore them for a time. To say I was, and still am, impressed with them is an understatement.

I wore them the entire day without pain. In fact, I forgot I had them on. I believe I have my shoes for the new school year. It seems these shoes have arch supports in them and the shoes are designed to relieve many issues related to feet. I am convinced of them.

Jared thinks long about what he gives to me. It seems, according to him, I am difficult to buy for. I believe that to be nonsense. My tastes are simple. I have never, and will never, take for granted any gift he chooses for me. But if I were to rate his gifts to me, this one scores as number 1. They are certainly worth exploring other styles. Jared may regret telling me I do not spend enough on myself.

I wonder if they sell hiking boots?

First Real Underway... So far

Insomnia is not fun. Fortunately, it has not been so bad this time. I spent a few days with little to no sleep but it seems to be easing. I have not returned to "my head on the pillow and I am asleep" yet but at the least it is only  an hour or so before I sleep now. I opted to go medicine free this time since all the times before were with sleep medications that rarely worked as advertised. They always seemed to begin working as I had to begin my day, making my day miserable. The best sleep I would get was a cat nap now and then. Until there were children that is. Then it was nap when they did and wake when they did. That was never long enough. lol Now with Jared being underway, I do not get his snuggles to help me sleep. Not that they did very much but why would I turn him away when he offered?

Speaking of Jared, he is underway. So far he is away for only a week but his return is, as usual, unknown. I am informed it is the usual mission of sailing around with no specific task at hand. Of course, anyone with a globe knows it is likely "Freedom of Navigation" exercises since they were in the Brunei area recently. To get there requires transiting the South China Sea. And we all know the PRC tends to claim almost all of it is their territorial waters. These do not give me anxiety as much as them sailing in the Gulf. China is many things but stupid is not one of them. They will harass but not attack. Jared's ship could reply rather to forcefully to any Chinese provocation. 

On the child front, Jun makes mommy happy. Most of the time. She follows me everywhere. She seems to like everything I like. I am required to be specific with her though. She will do exactly what I say. When she is going to eat something she likes and I tell her to get a bowl, she gets one. The biggest one. Same for the spoon. I have to tell her she is not permitted to do something until I tell her she may else she only waits for some time to pass then do as she wished. "But I waited until later, Mommy."

Chao lei has come to listen to Jared's "music." Not all of it is horrible. There is some I can listen to without wanting to throw the listener out of the house. I wish Chao lei was as eclectic in his music as Jun. How a nine year old boy enjoys 40 year old music is beyond me. I try to introduce him to good music but to no avail. My only recourse is to make him wear headphones or ear buds.

Our outdoor adventures have been more frequent this year. Out latest hike was to Jinmuji temple. It is not a difficult hike but does have its challenges. I suppose one would call it a moderate trail that is about 7.5 kilometers so it only takes a couple of hours to hike. That suits Chao lei. It is long enough to challenge him but not long enough to bore him. I miss the days of him filling our pockets with little pieces of treasure. He has left that to Jun. I have decided we will hike to Hosshoji Temple next. I am told it is shorter but a little more challenging.

Here we go again.

 Insomnia. That horrible event that comes regardless of your wishes to the contrary. I thought I had defeated it a couple of years ago. It would seem it has returned.

What causes it is unknown to me. Doctors have said it is stress. It is possible. But why didn't I experience it during Jared's deployment to the gulf last year? A common deployment is stressful. A deployment to the gulf during "active" times is much worse. There was no insomnia then.

One doctor said it could be due to Jared's new command. Huh? How can an event in Jared's life cause me stress? For me, his new command is different only in that he is captain. He remains Navy. He will still deploy. Nothing new. Where would new stress come from?

Another doctor suggests it is because  of a new career start for me. I can understand the suggestion for this since it affects me more directly. I do not see it but can understand it. After all, it remains a teaching position but with younger students. I know my classes and my prep work for the courses is complete. What stress could I have?

I am hoping I will find this bout of insomnia short lived. Heavy doses of medicines do not help when one has children. Jun is a daredevil and cannot be ignored long. Her brother finds her antics entertaining so does nothing much to prevent her.

I suppose that until my body decides it wishes to sleep normally again, I will survive on a couple of hours of sleep and a few power naps.

#1 Has Begun!

Jared's first underway as captain has been accomplished. To be honest, it was somewhat of an anticlimactic event. At the change of command, there was much pomp to be seen. For his first launch, nothing. I do not know what I was expecting to see at the launch but I did expect to see SOMEthing. It looked no different to any other launch. 

I admit too that the change of command was not as I expected either. They spoke of the outgoing captain's accomplishments and then of Jared's qualifications to assume command. The admiral spoke and congratulated the outgoing captain and the incoming captain. 

Being the only Chinese-American woman present, the receiving line was somewhat intimidating. There I stood in a long line of white people dressed in WHITE! The dress whites are the best looking uniform but when you are not dressed in white (and you are not white) it feels a bit awkward. I did not think my choice if informal wear was a bad choice until we entered the room. I was in a dark blue blouson dress... among that sea of white. I could easily be found anywhere in the room, even with my short stature. I know this because in some of the official photos, I am plainly seen almost as if I was attempting to be in a majority of them. Jared said I looked beautiful but that is his job to say to stop my fretting. 

Change of Command accomplished, they got underway two days later. It was a short one before they returned to port. Now I suppose the Navy is letting him settle in? They will have the ship leave soon enough. The difference of now and his last ship, he will know approximate sailing times in advance. How much advance? Who knows and I am not permitted to say in any case. I am imagining it will be no different from any other underway except he will always be the first onboard and the last to leave the deck. Now I wait to see if he will be here for our anniversary. 

I have also come to a startling realization. Jared is approaching retirement eligibility. Combining USCG and USN service, his TIS is 17 years. I have not heard him speak of retirement but I wonder if it has even been a brief thought in his mind. I doubt it. He loves the Navy. As for me,I have thought of when he will retire and what we will do. 

He does seem fond of reminding me I am eligible to claim half of his retirement should we divorce. What is wrong with him? Does he not know that I can remain married to him and wait for him to die and get all of it? Besides, who else would put up with his nonsense?

Counting Down

The countdown has begun. The Change of Command is set to happen next month. It is becoming more real each day as it gets closer. I believe I can safely say I feel as the the day got closer for me to immigrate to the United States.

I began this post as a long post, whining about the upcoming changes. Then I read it and thought, "I would not want to read all that whining." so I deleted it. Instead, I am choosing to focus on the positives. I know I can do this. My fears usually end up being unfounded anyway.

The only difference between now and next month is Jared's position. He will remain in the same Navy as before, only his job will be different. He will still leave me and the children several times per year. The Navy will still change my pans, often. I will remain in known, comfortable surroundings. It will remain the Navy.

Another upside to this is, my brother's wife is jealous. I know I should not be so pleased in this but I can not help myself. She is such a 婊子 ( I do not often speak in such a manner so I will hide behind my original language and pretend I never said it). Even mother is able to silence her boasting of every event in my brother's life with the mere mention of Jared.She is proud of her son but her boasting is said to be tiring.

I will have more time with my children. I am a new teacher at school. It is not the best choice to advance my career but my children are my first priority. The university will have to make do without me and some intern will enjoy the decorations in what was my office.

I am giddy about the prospect of getting the students so early in their academic careers. One thing I noticed at the university was how poorly many students were prepared to expand their knowledge beyond the simple. I believe "AP" means one is being made ready to deeply study their subject. Not all will be computer science majors. Some will be physics majors, science majors, etc. What matters is, their foundations should be formed now. Not after they reach university level.

The best thing is, I am home with my children for the entire summer. Well, till the end of August anyway. That give plenty of time to explore Japan more.

 

Changes

 I am finished with the university. Grade packets are complete and sent to distribution. All I need do now is answer any questions about the grades. I do not pretend there will be none but I have already told student they will be limited to 15 days to ask. They will continue to have 30 days to appeal grades but anything past 15 days is not my concern.

I have also begun making preparations for my first day of the high school. I have discovered there are enough students registered for AP classes to require a teacher. The administration has decided to offer mandarin classes. All that is required is for enough students to register for it.

There has been a lull in the preparations for the change of command. I cannot say I am sad of it. It is nice to have no real duties to see to for a short time Chao lei and June have also been enjoying it. We have had warm and tolerable weather enabling them to spend much time outdoors. I hope that Jared has time soon for an outing before his duties occupy too much of his time. A hike would be a good thing for us before he assumes his ship. I fear he will have very little time after that.

I think I will have to make some adjustments for this time. It will be much different than deployments I fear. I have watched other captains and their families. Even Dorothy says when her husband is not deployed, it seems as if he is gone because his duties do not end because the ship is docked. I expected this Navy life would be different. I was only unaware of how different it would be and how often the different would change.

It Is Almost Over

 I have paperwork to finish my time at the university. My final grades need to be completed and posted. Preparing students for new professors is more important than one would think. The academics are difficult enough without adding learning a new professor's preferences and quirks, especially in a doctorate program.

As I finish this time in my life, my emotions are mixed. I will miss certain of my students and the that I will not be present for their graduations. I will not miss certain other students. The reasons are too numerous to name all. Let us only say I prefer students that are dedicated and have parents less involved than lazy students with parents that have spoiled them and continue to do so by demanding their spawn receive better grades than are deserved.

I do not pretend to think there will not be such student/parent such as the previously mentioned spoiled students/parents. The difference will be I will not be at the disadvantage I am now. In university, I am not a powerful position nor well positioned. I have been "the new kid." At the Base school system I will remain the "new kid." I will have the advantage of it being a DoD school where serious consequences are possible for misbehaving students... and parents.

My children surprise me sometimes. This morning, my first conversations with Jun began with fussing about and her brother called her a big baby. She responded "I am not a big baby! I am a little baby!" As we walked to the car our usual morning routing, Chao lei said "My friends are easily entertained. The dumber the joke the harder they laugh." We all got into the car and I asked Jun if she were buckled and I heard Chao lei respond, "Yes. And I am not Jun." I giggled. Chao lei: "See? The dumber the joke..."

Is It Too Late?

Can I not do this "Captain's Wife" thing? There is much to remember and much to do. My head still hurts from so much information being introduced to it. Thankfully, I was gifted with many manuals and pamphlets to remind me of the information I received. I was rather intimidated by the stacks of booklets and brochures on the tables as we entered the meeting place. No one could remember it all from the first time hearing it. I brought a 2,000 page notebook with me. It was not enough. Do you know how difficult it is determining even which language notes should be taken in? Mine looks as if it was written by someone with multiple personalities; part in English, part in Mandarin, and part illegible. Jared also has the information overload look to his face from his classes so at the least, I am not alone in that.

I suppose all I may do now is begin rearranging to suit the new life. Dorothy thought I was an inconvenient distraction before? I can only think of how much worse she will believe me to be now. I will also need to mine much information from the current captain's wife.....errr, spouse. I discovered spouse has become the preferred term. I suppose "dependant" is unfavorable because too many "spouses" do not care for it to be insinuated they are dependant on anyone.

Some things in the books I am already familiar with. I know how the FRG functions as well as the Ombudsman. Other things will require some study to become familiar with. It seems I will need to know every office on base and what they do so I am able to refer questions/needs of families to the proper office. I am told to expect yet resist being considered the de facto work around to the Navy system. Apparently, some believe a captain's spouse should be able to accomplish anything despite the Navy.

Being friendly with crew's families is expected. Being friends is discouraged. It seems the Navy does not trust my judgement is this. I understand this though. Much experience has probably developed this attitude and continually reinforces it. Who am I to assume I would be the exception? I know what my intentions would be, but I have never "been there, done that." As such, I will defer to the Navy way just to be sure.

Of all this, there is an extra bright spot. My brother's obnoxious wife is jealous that my husband is becoming a captain of a ship while hers is not becoming an executive soon. I say nothing because I love my brother and I know he performs his duties exceptionally. Perhaps his company questions his wisdom of what wife he chose also.

It Has Begun

The preparation for the change of command has begun.

It seems this may be a complicated ordeal for me. The Navy has issued a handbook for spouses of sailors assuming command. It is not a leaflet but a real book. Not large but more than a few paragraphs. So, if you wonder of what I have been reading this month, it has been this handbook. It will require re-reading and much study.

I have also been scheduled to attend "Command Spouse Leadership Course" in the Naval Leadership and Ethics Center in Newport, Rhode Island. Most people use their spring break to get away from school. It seems I will be using mine to attend school. My impression from the description of the week is, it is much information given in a short amount of time, thus garnering the "intense" description. Jared will attend the CLC at the same time. We will deposit Chao lei and Jun with their grandparents.

The meetings have also begun between me and the leaving commander's wife. That seems logical to me. I too believe that seeking the advice of one who is experienced in whatever is your pursuit is wise. Since I have never been a captain's wife, my knowledge of the requirements and expectations are nil. 

Until the Navy announces the CoC, I am unable to say what date it is to be held. I understand OPSEC. It seems it is not well practiced here since his current ship knows his departure date and his future ship knows when he assumes command. Even spouses know more than I do of the details. Even so, I do not understand the restriction. Saying when a ceremony is to be performed tells nothing of ship movements because a CoC can be performed at sea. It says nothing of a mission or deployment schedule, nor anything else that would reveal secrets. At least everything is normal because not understanding why the Navy does what it does IS normal.

Going by what is in the handbook, I believe it is good that I have made the change in positions. Being a teacher here on base will make me more available. My privacy is to be further reduced as my responsibilities are to increase.

Now I understand why they say when a sailor retires, the spouse is awarded a retirement certificate too.

Changes Are Coming

 The first change is the ship is to be no more. Actually, the ship is to be decommisioned in 2024. At least, that is the announcement of what the Navy desires. Congress has challenged the retirement. If Jared was not changing ships later this year, this would be a big thing for him. He would be a part of the last crew and would sail it to CONUS to turn over the ship for decommisioning. That means they could leave Japan months early while Chao lei, June, and I remain to pack and process out of USFJ authority. But since he is leaving, it is a thirty-year-old ship. Let it go.

I will remain a teacher next year but not for the university. Beginning with the 22-23 school year, I will be the new teacher of AP Calculus, AP Computer Science, and AP Statistics at the DODEA High School on base. Now, whether I will teach all at once is to be determined by student registration. If I do not, then I will be assigned other math classes, presumably for the Junior/Senior classes. I suppose this means I must learn all those things of a school, such as the mascot, school colors, and learn the school manual, as well as other things I am sure to discover.

I look forward to this opportunity. It means I will get students earlier in their academic life and will be able to instill a firm foundation to their university careers. I found many students at university woefully unprepared. Some were so due to their own efforts (or lack thereof), but many did not receive adequate preparation before arriving. University is not where foundations are built but where the building upon it is done.

Childcare will be easy! There is a center at the school. I did not know this before but that is probably because it is only for people connected to the school. I will still be required to take Chao lei to his school, but it is on my way, and they have early drop off for teachers.

I only need to remind myself that these will be children, not fully grown adults. What warnings of teaching in a high school are there? lol