Living Reserved

 

Many of the posts I have read lately have discussed simple things and simple difficulties. Reading them has reminded me how spoiled I have become. I go to my kitchen and turn on the faucet and there is water. I push the handle and whatever is in the toilet vanishes without a further thought. I forget too easily that it was not always so for me. I am also just a bit nostalgic.

My family was not considered a poor one in Xi’An. We were thought to be upper-middle class. This meant Father owned property with a house. He had a government job and mother was a doctor. By western standards though, I suppose we were poor. The house I grew up in was beautiful and sturdy. I was born in it. Until I was 13, we had no indoor running water. Until then, we (I usually) drew water from the well outside the kitchen door. I was 16 before we had an indoor toilet.

I do not say I had a bad life as a child. I was happy. I did not know I was supposed to feel deprived without the indoor water. It never entered my mind to feel less because of it. It was just how you lived. Oh, I complained about it (not too loudly. You know how parents can be). Especially in winter when I had to take a piece of heavy kindling to break the ice holding the bucket to the wall or breaking the ice from the rope. If it taught me nothing else, it taught me to pre-plan so there need be no freezing cold morning visits to the well. Perhaps you now understand my aversion to cold weather.

There are many things I did not know I was supposed to have. Now that I have them, I become spoiled and take them for granted. It is difficult not to. I must choose to strive to not forget what is important for living.  I am happy that my children will never experience my life as a child. On their recent visit to their grandparents’ house, the well was a novelty.  For me, it was a necessity. They will not fully understand the different childhood their mother had but if I have my way, they will never find it necessary to live that way and learn to be content with a little less. I do not wish for them to be poor or to go without. I wish only for them to strive for their best but be content with what meets their needs and not reach for more than they can reach. I hope that they forget “the Jones” and live their own lives with happiness.

Concerning our upcoming PCS, our HHG is scheduled for packing and pickup on April 18. After that I will have base loaner furniture. Now it is time to sort what is needed and what is not. I do not look forward to it but Jared and I decided that two months without furnishings here is better than four months without furnishings there. It should make Chaolei happy though. He will have far more time on his electronics than is usual since all his things will be gone. Or… maybe… I could keep him occupied by visiting our favorite places one last time. A mother can try.

I must tell you of my pride for my son. First, yesterday, Chaolei and Jun wanted sandwiches for lunch. From the kitchen I hear from

·        Chaolei: Where is the mayonnaise?

·        Me: There is none. (feeling ill, I had not done any shopping yet)

·        Chaolei: How are we supposed to have sandwiches?

·        Me: Google it.

I had determined to go shopping but to my surprise, he searched how to make mayonnaise. Then he made some. I walked into the kitchen to see what they were doing only to find him making sandwiches for him and his sister. My expression must have been a quizzical one. Upon seeing me standing there, all he said was, “What?”

But that is not where his only skills lie. On Sunday, Chaolei said to his father and I that we should rest for the day and he would prepare dinner. We (I) hesitantly agreed and I will admit, I was expecting mac and cheese or something out of some other box. Since it seemed to be taking longer that a box of mac and cheese would, I went to check on his progress. I peeked through the door only to be scolded by my son, “Do I bother you when you are cooking?” Chastised, I returned to my seat next to Jared.

After some time, Chaolei announced it was dinner time. Jared and I entered the dining room to find plates and food on the table. This is what he prepared for us.

 

It would seem he pays attention when his mother cooks for him. I am absolutely beaming with pride. And if you wonder, it was absolutely delicious. Now I know that when he grows and leaves his mother, he will not starve. Lol I cannot forget Jun. She set the table well.

A last note: My husband left a song queued on my iPad with a note that said “Play this. I love you.” The song? “Too Much Heaven – the Bee Gees. Would you not weep as a little girl too?

Thank You

 

I have friends that cause me to think. Some accompany me on this journey called faith. Some accompany me on this journey called military life. Some simply accompany me.

This blog has introduced so many people to me that have helped me in ways they probably do not even think of. My oldest and once most thought-provoking friend I rarely see anything from now. If I believe my analytics he regularly visits. At least, I have a regular visitor from his city. I choose to believe he at least keeps tabs on my blog. Now if he would only resume his writing as he promised he would. I am waiting my friend.

Another friend, that has passed away, gave me advice of what to do as not just a wife, not just a Navy wife, but as a naval officer’s wife too. It was such a frightening new world to me. I felt as I did when first coming to America. It did not help anything to discover my behavior could affect his career. Her advice was as a mother to guide me to live well and properly. I miss her so much. I often have moments I forget she is no longer there, and I feel her loss freshly.

Others have abandoned this blogland. I miss Jen and her efforts to become a mother. I once felt guilty mentioning my pregnancy fearing it would cause pain in her life but eventually was able to celebrate her conception and watch the beginnings of her daughter’s life. It seems life became very busy for her after that and she left us. It is understandable. Her daughter must come first. Still, I wonder of 4 year old “E” and pray she is doing well.

One has abandoned this place for “Crackbook”, as she called it once. At least, I can keep in touch with her there, but I must be careful I am not trapped by an addiction to “social media” sites as so many are. I continue to steal her photographs since she has never rescinded permissions.

I have one who may understand my latest compulsion. Korean dramas. I am absolutely hooked by them. She has given me much advice perhaps without knowing she has done so or how much it was needed I have been allowed to watch her children grow and experience a world most children will see only in books. I hope to teach my children the same things.

I have another that has taught me grace. She is somewhere she did not wish to be but has displayed grace enough for the casual observer to believe it was her greatest desire. She finds the positive of her situation. When I begin to think sour of where I am now or where I may be going, I think of her and correct my mind. I do look forward to see when she returns to her islands.

I have a new friend that reminds me of where I have come from. She lives a simple life in a small village. Though it is not so now, my village was small. The life there was simple. I see her difficulties and remember my own. I can only envision her facing them with a determined smile for that is all I see in her writings. What can one do but press forward and find the joy that is there but is not so obvious to some that are accustomed to more? I smile when she writes of difficulties. Not because she is having them but because I know she is pressing forward. She does not get stuck there.  She has better things to do.

Another friend I watch her walking her faith and it inspires me to walk mine better. She does not preach with her words. She teaches with her behavior. I have always been guilty of watching closely, too closely according to some. As I have read her writing, I have found inspiration. If He is anything I believe him to be, her Savior is proud.

I have been blogging here since 2006. I have “met” many people and have been made better for having met them. I have written out thoughts to help me become clearer only to receive advice from those who know better ways. I have received encouragement and correction when I most desperately needed it. I find it disappointing when some take long to write (you know who you are) but I understand life goes on sometimes faster than we care for it to so one must prioritize things.

To any that read here, know this: What you write blesses me more than you may think. I find wisdom and encouragement in every post. I thank you all for blessing my life.

Saturday Soup

Time for soup! Now that the holidays are over, we can get back to normal schedules so here is today's recipe.

It is supposed to feed eleven in a normal environment but I would be lying if I were to claim my house is normal. I had almost a full bowl left over the last time I made this one. It is 25 minutes to prep, 40 minutes to cook.

Minestrone Soup

 Ingredients

    2 large carrots, diced

    2 celery ribs, chopped

    1 medium onion, chopped

    1 tablespoon olive oil

    1 tablespoon butter

    2 garlic cloves, minced

    2 cans (14-1/2 ounces each) reduced-sodium chicken broth

    2 cans (8 ounces each) no-salt-added tomato sauce

    1 can (16 ounces) kidney beans, rinsed and drained

    1 can (15 ounces) chickpeas, rinsed and drained

    1 can (14-1/2 ounces) diced tomatoes, undrained

    1-1/2 cups shredded cabbage

    1 tablespoon dried basil

    1-1/2 teaspoons dried parsley flakes

    1 teaspoon dried oregano

    1/2 teaspoon pepper

    1 cup uncooked whole wheat elbow macaroni

    11 teaspoons grated Parmesan cheese

 

Directions

In a large saucepan, saute carrots, celery and onion in oil and butter until tender. Add garlic; cook 1 minute longer.

Stir in broth, tomato sauce, kidney beans, chickpeas, tomatoes, cabbage, basil, parsley, oregano and pepper. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Add macaroni; cook, uncovered, 6-8 minutes or until macaroni and vegetables are tender.

Ladle soup into bowls. Sprinkle with cheese.

A good wintertime soup.

Not Again

One would tend to believe that at least as far as the US Navy goes, women would be thought of as being in equity with men. It seems there remain some who do not believe this.

I was at the auto shop this morning getting my car checked for a minor problem when it came time to fill out the work order the person at the desk, a man, suggested that I just give him the basic information, i.e. name and number, and have my husband let him know what the problem was.

Being treated as less than intelligent is nothing new for me. I am small, I am female and I am Asian. These things combined have caused me to be treated as an ignorant child many times. You get used to it. It can even be entertaining at times such as when I was buying my first pickup. It seemed to baffle the men that I, a small Chinese woman, would want such a large vehicle. This episode was no less entertaining.I filled out the work order and even used the technical terms for the issue at hand (but only because Jared used them first and there was no reason to tell the mechanic that) I did know what the issue was though. I would have explained it in non-mechanic language. It is funny to watch the efforts expended to talk to you as a child without being insulting.

I admit I am surprised it happened. There are so many ways things could happen to this person. The Navy frowns on such behavior and has an assortment of penalties for it. I would think that was enough motivation to avoid the behavior

I will reserve my complaining of it for a more deserving offense. It is not as if he was rude. And besides, he knows better of it now. You should have seen the look on his face when he read the "Customer Name" line. Dr Mei lian. I do not identify like that often but just this once, it was worth seeing his expression.

Teenagers Are Like Soap

When I was just beginning teaching at a high school and seeking advice, I was once told, “Think of a teenager as a wet bar of soap. If your contact is too light, it will slip out. If you apply too much pressure, it will do the same.”

I have taught both university and high school and while university often gets the bad reputation, managing high school classes seems to be an especially tricky business. It seems often that teachers struggling with classroom management fall under one of two camps.

Camp one: The boss. Trying to come in too authoritarian. It does not go over well. Coming in with a long list of rules and making it clear that they are not going to get away with anything does not go over well. I have discovered that students often start to enjoy breaking those rules and making the teacher angry or frustrated.

Camp two: The other side is the teacher that expends too much effort on trying to have a good relationship with the kids. This may sometimes come from an attempt to show the students they care, but more often than not, the students will take too much advantage and will not respect them at all. These teachers try to address all issues too casually and the students know there will never be real consequences.

The task is to find a very careful balance between the two. For me, I find issues that are important to me and create clear policies that include consequences with them. These are enforced every time, for every student. Attendance is one of my issues. I take attendance every day and as long as you are in the classroom when I call your name, you are marked present and on time. So that no one develops bad habits, the order that I call the roll varies from day to day, so it is not always the A’s called first.

Don't make a huge deal out of everything. Yes, some things deserve an energetic response but the more often that a tactic (the talk in the hallway, the whole class guilt lecture, etc.) is used, the less effective it becomes. I suppose this is the “choose your battles” moment. Not every battle must be fought by the teacher. Sometimes, it is more effective when the battle is left to an administrator or parent.

I have found that students like and respect a teacher that seems approachable and expresses their personality while also holding them to high standards. Not too light, and not too strong of a hold.

Now I only hope to not forget what I have learned. No teaching positions are likely at Rota but neither are they impossible. If nothing else, there is a good possibility of substitute teaching.

Speaking of our next assignment, our appointment with DPS is next week. We just need to decide when we want our HHG to arrive. The question is, where do I wish to be the longest without my things, Japan or Spain? I have told Jared it might be dangerous to allow me too much time in Spain since I COULD buy new furniture on our arrival. For some strange reason, Jared has submitted an application through HEAT for on base housing. Ugh.

As Jared says, we are off to the races! June will arrive sooner than anticipated.