Yay!

After final review of my past education and my qualifying exams by the doctoral committee it seems I will not be required to attend first year studies. For this term I will need only submit my dissertation research proposal and continue residency duties.

After the few lectures I have had to give I have come to understand I must remember these students are just beginning in their learning of computer science. At the beginning I believed them to be slow. How could they not know such common ideas theories? Not until Dr. Ito reminded me these students did not know because they have not been taught yet did my frustration with them decline. Who would believe such a simple answer could elude someone that is supposed to be intelligent.

Teaching in Japanese is not as difficult as I first believed it would be. Fortunately, I do not require great skill in conversational Japanese. It is acceptable to speak it in its most technical sense because computer science is technical by nature.

I do not pretend to believe this elimination of my first year will cause my studies to be easy. In comparison to the remaining years, first year is considered easy. I have only missed easy.

All About Soup

For those who came thinking they would find good soup recipes I apologize. I do have a few but they are not the reason for this blog.

I have changed the name to more accurately describe who I am now. My friend Kat put it well when she said I am a mixture of things. I am no longer that girl who arrived from China in a country that was only seen in books and movies. I am no longer the young woman who had great faith placed in her to be the designer and caretaker of a large company's network.

Not all has been taken. I remain the adopted daughter of Mother and Father Bing. They are second only to my birth mother and father. I am blessed they are fond of each other. Both of my mothers continue their chats even in my absence. I remain Aunt Mei Mei to twelve nieces and nephews. I am tearfully happy when I receive cards and emails from them telling me I am missed and they love me. I remain sisters with my greatest friend. I can not imagine life without her in it.

Things have been added. I am married to a US Navy Lieutenant. I am tremendously proud of him. Even though his chosen career takes him from me often, I would have him do no other thing. What is more noble than for someone to sacrifice portions of their life that another may enjoy all of theirs unmolested? He is a husband many women dream of. He is attentive to me. He cares for me in amazing ways. With him I feel as I am his reason for being. I have striven to make him feel as he is the reason I exist.

I am soon to be a mother. I have longed for the moment. I am excited to hold my son. I have not enjoyed all events leading to this but I would not give up any part of it. Well, maybe the new stretch marks. But just those! And the heart burn. But that is all! Since Little One is to be born soon, Lt may feel he has lost his place in my heart. I have been told of this feeling and have determined Lt will not believe such a thing. I will show him much attention and have time with the three of us together. We have had a discussion of this so we know what to expect.

I am a student again. I have begun studies to receive my DCS degree. So far it has occupied time when I did not wish it to. It is difficult to concentrate when all you wish to do is sleep or throw up. Part of being a student is being a teacher. There are times I am required to lecture in place of the professor. At the beginning I suspected it was only for the professor to take time away. Now I know this is not so since I have a lecture  schedule (though I suspect there will be extra times). I remain teaching violin. I have many talented students. Some children, some teens, and even a few adults.

I also have the Navy. It is a change from what I have always know. No longer is it only me to think of. There are others of the command that need support. There are sailors that are here alone. A box of fresh cookies or muffins work well for their morale. The FRG tends to over look single sailors. They are part of the family also so I do not see why they should be neglected. I have decided to attempt to correct this.

I am a mix of many things. Each is unique but none can be removed. It is like soup. Many ingredients but only one soup.

Huff and Puff

That is what I do now. I attempt to rise from my seat I huff and puff. I attempt to walk on stairs I huff and puff. I am endless entertainment for Lt when I grunt and groan.

I almost made it. Thirtyfive weeks without a stretch mark. Now I have discovered one. Of course, some would ask what difference does it make? It is only one among many others. To answer, if it were on my left side it would make none. But this is my right side. It is the side not marred by many scars. I wished to keep it that way. *sigh*

I am quite the whale now. And I am in mortal fear of sneezing... or coughing... or being startled (which Lt is fond of doing to me). Watch "Finding Nemo" when the small octopus is startled and "inks" and you will know of me.

The hospital insists I have a birth plan. They gave me a form. Is this common in military hospitals? Two pages seems more complicated than necessary. I wish for Lt, Mother, and medical staff to be present. And even though pregnancy is a memorable experience that I am happy to have had, I want Little One out. I no longer wish to pee every 5 minutes and make futile attempts to find a comfortable position. I wish to return to eating food I enjoy rather than only what will not cause heartburn. Coffee... I want some. And mustard!

Mother's timing is close. She is to arrive February 15. Adjusted due date is February 22. (I still believe the first date of March 7. We will see.) The paper work for approval of her visit was incredible! So much to write only for mother to visit me!

First snow in Japan! This was Lt's view from the bridge. For a coastal city this is an impressive snow fall. It did wreak havoc all over the base with gate closures and office closures with the accompanying rescheduling.

I chose to remain indoors.Looking from the windows is preferable for me. It is enough to exit the elevator at the basement to throw away trash. (don't tell Lt I do this. I have told him Sakai empties it.)

Soon I will not be fat! Soon I will hold my son! I am having good fortunes! lol

A Name Change?

I have been considering changing the name of my small place in the blogosphere.

I thought the name appropriate in the beginning. It was a description of my new life in America. It was unique and, I thought, catchy. I was a new immigrant from China suddenly immersed in the American language and culture. It spoke perfectly of the duality of my life then.

Now I wonder if it is accurate to describe what is my life. Yes, I remain of Chinese origins. Yes, there remain differences to become accustomed to. But I am more than what I was. I am now a wife. Not a wife only but a Navy wife. I am soon to have a son to care for. I am a student and a teacher. I have many other things in my life that now influence who and what I am.

Should I choose another name, I suppose the only question is what it should be.

A New Year

My old year is finished. It was eventful.

I found myself readjusting to another country... again. That was accompanied by the inevitable loneliness of a new place. One might believe someone who has immigrated once before would find it easier to do so again. They would be incorrect.

To western ears, Chinese and Japanese language may sound similar. In fact, they are as different as English and French. There are some words that are similar but in general conversation, the two languages are much different. Fortunately, I have had previous instruction in Japanese. I am proficient enough to not starve but conversation remain difficult. I feel as I did at my first days in America.

Of course there were other adjustments to be made. In the beginning of the year I was still a newlywed being married only 6 months. In truth, I continue adjusting. The Navy taking Lt to sea does not speed this process.

Also, I found myself adjusting to being a military spouse. So many things are to be done differently. I can not live my life as I see fit. I must consider how my actions will affect Lt. It is unfair this is so. Not for me but for Lt. Why is he to suffer for what I, an intelligent adult, decide to do?

In the beginning the Navy took him only for short times while the ship and crew refreshed their training. Once that was done, Lt was gone for several weeks with only a short port "visit" in the middle of the cruise. I do not envy those whose husbands are gone for a year. I did not care for the 19 weeks Lt was gone. This is an adjustment I do not care for but know I must make.

As I became adjusted to my new house, the decision was made to move on base. The increase in spendable money was an influence but in honesty the primary reason for the move was spite. I had my point to prove to those who gave me "warnings" of living among enlisted families. I have lived my life being judged for my skin color, my country of birth, or my gender. I refuse to allow anyone to tell me I must judge another based on some silly notion of rank.

I have adjusted to my return to school. At the least as much as is possible. Pregnancy makes what was once simple more complicated. It is difficult to be a substitute for an undergraduate class when all you desire is to throw up or sleep.

My pregnancy was not planned but has been uneventful. All has gone as my doctor has expected. Lt and I thought to wait for a time. This way he could "find his groove" in the Navy and I could return to school. It would seem God has a sense of humor and Lt's groove will be wider than he anticipated since now it will include a son and my return to school will now have less time available to commit to it.

Lt has proven himself more loving and gentle than I had known before. When he learned of the pregnancy, and was home, he spent much time seeing to my needs. That is not to say he did not do an incredible job before this because he did. It is only to say he was much more tender. He would speak to Little One as he applied lotion to my tummy. He promised while he was home there was nothing strenuous I was to do. He made good on his promise so well that even after the ship left he made sure I was to have housekeeping done for me. Sakai is very thorough. Perhaps I will be able to convince Lt to keep him even after Little One is born.

This year has shown me a dark side of  a man. His anger and frustration was released upon his wife. She paid a dear price for his inability to love her more than show his anger. This man did not only affect his wife. Even though I was careful to the choice of my husband, this other man's action caused me to question if my Lt could do the same to me. This man took my faith and trust in my own husband, even if it was only for a moment. What of the future? If Lt should display anger or frustration will I, even for the briefest of moments, believe I will soon be struck because I have seen another act out his anger on his wife?

I have met new friends, including one who in the beginning did not care for me at all. I have lost those who could have been friends but chose to believe what I could not. I have seen the terrible aftermath of violence. I have seen amazing tenderness.

It has been an eventful year. I hope to see as many blessings but less darkness in my new year. I hope you have the same.