I have received the latest email from Lt. He expended great effort to tell me nothing.
"Dear Mei, I can't tell you where we are at or where we are going or when we will be home. Things are going well. I look forward to coming home. Lt" His version was much more wordy (214 words) and I am too lazy to write it all. I suppose I could copy/paste. No, there is no cause for you to be bored too.
We will require time to decide what is an acceptable email. I know there is often very limited time when underway. But I do believe my version would be faster to write. "Dear Mei, I am well. I think of you and Little One often. I love you. Lt." It tells me what I wish to hear; he loves me and is well. I already know he is unable to tell me of ship business. What is the purpose of telling me he can not tell me?
I suppose I should be happy he writes at all.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Some things...
... are not always what they seem at the beginning.
Some may remember Rude gate Guard from my arrival in Japan. A most unpleasant experience I do not wish to remember. Unfortunately, it is not so easy a thing to do. Especially since I must pass through that particular gate often.
Yesterday I was sitting and resting (something I do often of late) at my favorite bench along my usual walking route. As I rose to continue my walk it seems I emitted a groan. I did not realize I had done it. A young woman happened to be walking by and heard it. She asked me if I was well and I assured her I was. She decided to accompany me "just to make sure."
I recognized her immediately. In her eyes I could see a glimmer of recognition but she could not quite seem to come to who I was. I did not inform her of who I was beyond my name.
Her behavior was not that of the woman with which I had such a poor meeting shortly after my arrival. This woman seemed caring and interested in my well being. We chatted as we walked. Eventually, we arrived at the food court. I invited her to lunch with me at Sbarro's. After some encouragement she agreed. We had very pleasant conversation and enjoyed some pasta. Mine was rather plain since Little One does not care for spices.
As lunch concluded I invited her to visit if she wished to do so and gave her my tower and apartment number. As we walked to my car I saw her face flush. It seems she sees many faces so they tend to blur but when coupled with THAT car... She remembered well who it was she had just eaten lunch with. It is not often one eats lunch with someone who caused such difficulty in their life.
She asked me if I remembered her. "Of course." I replied. "Then why did you just have lunch with me?" she asked. You were kind to me. The confusion was apparent on her face. I explained to her that she did not treat me well at our first meeting. In turn, I did not treat her well. This time she was kind. It is only right I return that kindness as quickly as I had returned anger. Besides, what she showed me proved who I met at the gate was not who she truly is. That first day was not a good day for either of us. I did not want her to continue believing that is who I am.
I do not know if she will visit. I do know as I pass through her gate, the difference now is she smiles as she salutes my car and I smile as I wave to her.
Her name is Tammy.
Some may remember Rude gate Guard from my arrival in Japan. A most unpleasant experience I do not wish to remember. Unfortunately, it is not so easy a thing to do. Especially since I must pass through that particular gate often.
Yesterday I was sitting and resting (something I do often of late) at my favorite bench along my usual walking route. As I rose to continue my walk it seems I emitted a groan. I did not realize I had done it. A young woman happened to be walking by and heard it. She asked me if I was well and I assured her I was. She decided to accompany me "just to make sure."
I recognized her immediately. In her eyes I could see a glimmer of recognition but she could not quite seem to come to who I was. I did not inform her of who I was beyond my name.
Her behavior was not that of the woman with which I had such a poor meeting shortly after my arrival. This woman seemed caring and interested in my well being. We chatted as we walked. Eventually, we arrived at the food court. I invited her to lunch with me at Sbarro's. After some encouragement she agreed. We had very pleasant conversation and enjoyed some pasta. Mine was rather plain since Little One does not care for spices.
As lunch concluded I invited her to visit if she wished to do so and gave her my tower and apartment number. As we walked to my car I saw her face flush. It seems she sees many faces so they tend to blur but when coupled with THAT car... She remembered well who it was she had just eaten lunch with. It is not often one eats lunch with someone who caused such difficulty in their life.
She asked me if I remembered her. "Of course." I replied. "Then why did you just have lunch with me?" she asked. You were kind to me. The confusion was apparent on her face. I explained to her that she did not treat me well at our first meeting. In turn, I did not treat her well. This time she was kind. It is only right I return that kindness as quickly as I had returned anger. Besides, what she showed me proved who I met at the gate was not who she truly is. That first day was not a good day for either of us. I did not want her to continue believing that is who I am.
I do not know if she will visit. I do know as I pass through her gate, the difference now is she smiles as she salutes my car and I smile as I wave to her.
Her name is Tammy.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Apparently...
... I am now "some little gook b***h."
I happened upon a conversation between two female DoD employees. It seems my Lt was the subject of the conversation. One of the women has desires for my husband. I know this from the portion of the conversation I happened upon. They spoke of Lt by name and ship. The one said she wanted to be with him while the other reminded her he was married. It is then she said, "Oh she's just some little gook b***h. It won't be hard to get her gone."
Really?
First. Do not under-estimate me. In spite of, or perhaps because of, being pregnant, I would fight vigorously for what is mine.
Second. I did not choose my husband lightly. I am not as many other women I have spoken to. My Lt spent several years under my scrutiny. He patiently awaited my decision. I know his character. This simpleton woman has no idea what type of man he is. He would rebuff her convincingly if for no other reason than his integrity would demand it. Her only chance is his dis-satisfaction and if Lt is dis-satisfied already, I am a poor wife indeed and would deserve to lose him.
Are there not enough single men on this base? There are several unmarried officers if it is an officer she desires. If not an officer, the barracks are full of single sailors. There is no shortage of available men. What would cause a woman to seek a man that is another's.
If you wonder if I spoke to this trollop, no I did not. There was no need for me to do so. Her companion saw me and as I walked away laughing told her plotting friend when asked who I was, "That is his wife."
I happened upon a conversation between two female DoD employees. It seems my Lt was the subject of the conversation. One of the women has desires for my husband. I know this from the portion of the conversation I happened upon. They spoke of Lt by name and ship. The one said she wanted to be with him while the other reminded her he was married. It is then she said, "Oh she's just some little gook b***h. It won't be hard to get her gone."
Really?
First. Do not under-estimate me. In spite of, or perhaps because of, being pregnant, I would fight vigorously for what is mine.
Second. I did not choose my husband lightly. I am not as many other women I have spoken to. My Lt spent several years under my scrutiny. He patiently awaited my decision. I know his character. This simpleton woman has no idea what type of man he is. He would rebuff her convincingly if for no other reason than his integrity would demand it. Her only chance is his dis-satisfaction and if Lt is dis-satisfied already, I am a poor wife indeed and would deserve to lose him.
Are there not enough single men on this base? There are several unmarried officers if it is an officer she desires. If not an officer, the barracks are full of single sailors. There is no shortage of available men. What would cause a woman to seek a man that is another's.
If you wonder if I spoke to this trollop, no I did not. There was no need for me to do so. Her companion saw me and as I walked away laughing told her plotting friend when asked who I was, "That is his wife."
Friday, August 24, 2012
Blubbering Idiot
This is what I have become. I hear a song I cry. I see a picture I cry. I get email from Lt I cry.
I do not care for this part of pregnancy! Perhaps it is good that Lt is absent for this part. It will be unnecessary for him to worry of his actions towards me. I have seen the effects of my tears on him. I remember certain times he has seen me cry. His panic became evident and he fretted of what he might have done to cause me grief. I prefer to have his loving attentions rather than seeing him in panic.
This was the greatest source of tears for me this week. It is the 12 week picture of my son. I say my son from conviction and the doctor suspects but will not confirm it. He will do another ultra-sound in four weeks time. I am confident I will be proven correct. I am his mother. I would know this instinctively. At the least, that is what I tell myself. :-)
I have been asked what I would do if it is a girl. Really? Is this question necessary? Is it an attempt to tease?
If they are serious in the asking my reply is "Love her." Why would I do otherwise? My child, whatever the gender, is a gift from God. It is my place to care for them, not with care to what they are, but with care to who they are.
But since it will be a boy I need only concentrate upon that. I will raise him as best I am able. I wish a son who is confident in who he is yet not arrogant. He is strong yet tender when it is needed I will make mistakes as will Lt. It is my prayer that I do not repeat them.
Now...... to see if I am able to go through my day without blubbering for no good reason.
_________________________
I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to: http://s.exps.me
I do not care for this part of pregnancy! Perhaps it is good that Lt is absent for this part. It will be unnecessary for him to worry of his actions towards me. I have seen the effects of my tears on him. I remember certain times he has seen me cry. His panic became evident and he fretted of what he might have done to cause me grief. I prefer to have his loving attentions rather than seeing him in panic.
This was the greatest source of tears for me this week. It is the 12 week picture of my son. I say my son from conviction and the doctor suspects but will not confirm it. He will do another ultra-sound in four weeks time. I am confident I will be proven correct. I am his mother. I would know this instinctively. At the least, that is what I tell myself. :-)
I have been asked what I would do if it is a girl. Really? Is this question necessary? Is it an attempt to tease?
If they are serious in the asking my reply is "Love her." Why would I do otherwise? My child, whatever the gender, is a gift from God. It is my place to care for them, not with care to what they are, but with care to who they are.
But since it will be a boy I need only concentrate upon that. I will raise him as best I am able. I wish a son who is confident in who he is yet not arrogant. He is strong yet tender when it is needed I will make mistakes as will Lt. It is my prayer that I do not repeat them.
Now...... to see if I am able to go through my day without blubbering for no good reason.
_________________________
I added cool smileys to this message... if you don't see them go to: http://s.exps.me
Saturday, August 18, 2012
So....
I have returned to living the pregnancy alone. It is good Lt was not home very long. I could have easily became accustomed to him helping me accomplish all that must be accomplished. I could have easily became re-accustomed to his attention. It was a nice visit.
My concern now is rumors of the ship, after finishing this year's cruise, being underway again at the end of February and nor returning before the end of May. Little one is due to make his appearance March 10th. I would not prefer delivering alone. My mother will be here but she is not Lt. She will encourage me. But her encouragements, if I am to judge by her previous times, will be as her encouragements for my brother's wife. "Push harder Mei! You are being Lazy! Do you wish for this to continue all night? Others wish to sleep so hurry!" She does not say these things to be cruel. This is how wai po encouraged her.
At the least, the nausea has lessened though I continue to abstain from dumplings. Everything is growing as it should. Lt was not displeased with some of it.
Lt took this picture before he left. It is at 10 weeks. I had thought myself to be getting fat but the doctor assures me I am normal. I need only watch my diet, drink plenty of fluids, take my vitamins, blah, blah, blah... For someone who never has and never will be pregnant, he seems to believe he knows what I feel. I know he has graduated school and is well trained but it is not the same as experience. I can tell him what I feel but he is limited by his experience of what something felt like to him.
Since he is the doctor, I will do as he says.
Meanwhile... life continues without Lt. It was surprising how easily I could resume my habits. I do not like it. I do not wish to be independent of him. If I wished that I would have remained unmarried.
Aside from the pregnancy and my location, my life is much as it was before I married. I went about my day doing what was good for me. I did not concern myself with what another would think. I am not unhappy for it but I do not wish it to be this way.
Perhaps in more time I will come to accept it. For the now, I will continue as before and live differently when Lt is home. I thought the duality of being Chinese/American was difficult! It seems the duality of being a Navy wife is more so!
My concern now is rumors of the ship, after finishing this year's cruise, being underway again at the end of February and nor returning before the end of May. Little one is due to make his appearance March 10th. I would not prefer delivering alone. My mother will be here but she is not Lt. She will encourage me. But her encouragements, if I am to judge by her previous times, will be as her encouragements for my brother's wife. "Push harder Mei! You are being Lazy! Do you wish for this to continue all night? Others wish to sleep so hurry!" She does not say these things to be cruel. This is how wai po encouraged her.
At the least, the nausea has lessened though I continue to abstain from dumplings. Everything is growing as it should. Lt was not displeased with some of it.
Lt took this picture before he left. It is at 10 weeks. I had thought myself to be getting fat but the doctor assures me I am normal. I need only watch my diet, drink plenty of fluids, take my vitamins, blah, blah, blah... For someone who never has and never will be pregnant, he seems to believe he knows what I feel. I know he has graduated school and is well trained but it is not the same as experience. I can tell him what I feel but he is limited by his experience of what something felt like to him.
Since he is the doctor, I will do as he says.
Meanwhile... life continues without Lt. It was surprising how easily I could resume my habits. I do not like it. I do not wish to be independent of him. If I wished that I would have remained unmarried.
Aside from the pregnancy and my location, my life is much as it was before I married. I went about my day doing what was good for me. I did not concern myself with what another would think. I am not unhappy for it but I do not wish it to be this way.
Perhaps in more time I will come to accept it. For the now, I will continue as before and live differently when Lt is home. I thought the duality of being Chinese/American was difficult! It seems the duality of being a Navy wife is more so!
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Fill In The Blank Friday!
A week has passed already! Well it is Fill In the Blank Friday again over at The Little Things We Do. Here are my answers!
1. The age I will be on my upcoming birthday is 30
2. The best birthday present ever would be having my entire family (both sides) in one place meeting each other and becoming friends.
3. My favorite birthday to date was my 27th. It is my first birthday as an American citizen!
4. Birthdays make me feel happy to be with my friends.
5. The worst birthday I ever had was my 29th birthday. My husband was underway and I spent the day alone.
6. When I was born I was 6 pounds 9 ounces in Xi An, China.
7. So far my favorite age has been 21. It was the year I came to live in the USA and met my spirit sister.
Enjoy your weekend!
1. The age I will be on my upcoming birthday is 30
2. The best birthday present ever would be having my entire family (both sides) in one place meeting each other and becoming friends.
3. My favorite birthday to date was my 27th. It is my first birthday as an American citizen!
4. Birthdays make me feel happy to be with my friends.
5. The worst birthday I ever had was my 29th birthday. My husband was underway and I spent the day alone.
6. When I was born I was 6 pounds 9 ounces in Xi An, China.
7. So far my favorite age has been 21. It was the year I came to live in the USA and met my spirit sister.
Enjoy your weekend!
Saturday, August 04, 2012
Fill In The Blank Friday!
It is Fill In the Blank Friday again at The Little Things We Do. It is not an easy one for this week but here are my answers:
1. I am proud of… my husband. I know it seems the easy answer. My husband makes me proud by what he chooses to do. He serves his nation often at expense to himself. He missed the discovery of his becoming a father. He will miss most of the pregnancy and, given some talk, he may also miss the birth of his first child. He will reluctantly board his ship yet he will perform his duties in spite of this. I am proud of him. Good fortune has truly smiled upon me to give me such a man.
2. This weekend I will… spend what little time I have with my husband before he departs again in a few days. We will walk the local gardens, shop the small store around the base, we will be together.
3. A secret dream I have is… to own my own network and computer consulting firm.
4. I can't handle… people who protest the fallen soldiers. I am unable to understand how they can have so much hatred for the soldier, sailor, airman, or marine that has afforded them the right to their opinion.
5. The most annoying thing in the entire world is… people who behave as if they are the only person to exist.
6. The most relaxing thing in the entire world is… Qigong massages. It often takes much effort from me to move after it is finished.
7. I think everyone should… be more personal with those around them. We are so busy it is easy to become distant and only later to regret it. Put away anything that is between you and them and be face to face with them. Speak more. Listen more. Do this without your texts or computers.
There you have them. They are simple but they are me! Enjoy your weekend!
Friday, August 03, 2012
Lt is home...
...for now. I am informed this is only a "half-way break." There are other duties that will take the ship from port in the mean time.
Jean was correct. Homecoming, even for only a break, was wonderful. New daddies and soon to be daddies were allowed to leave the ship first, provided they were not on watch. Lt was third to leave. We were surrounded by the other families welcoming their sailors home. The atmosphere was excited. Smiling faces and happy tears were everywhere.
I was exuberantly lifted from my feet and given a very firm embrace! Then set to my feet with immediate apologies! "I am sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you ok?" lol After reassuring him I was not injured, we embraced again with less.... energy. His attention was to me so he did not notice the Captain patiently waiting to speak to him. I found it necessary to bring Lt's attention to him. Since I am usually not included in these conversations, I will refrain from discussing it. If it were mine to share I am sure I would have been informed of it. The Captain then congratulated Lt and me and left to his own family.
I held Lt's arm as we walked to my car. He told me of his cruise so far and places they had been. I smiled with appropriate ooo's and ah's. I have seen many of the places he had seen but I did not wish to dampen his excitement. It was his first visits to these places and I wished to share his excitement. It amuses me that, while Lt is clearly happy of becoming a father, his excitement focused on his time at sea. I could not help but, with a very large smile on my face, take his face in my hands and give him a kiss. lol I am so proud of him and what he does.
Lt brought me several gifts from where they had been. Since Korea is the only port visit officially released it is the only gift I will tell you of. Lt brought me a perfume and lotion set. They are in the most beautiful bottles. Even though they will eventually empty I will keep the bottles.
Is it only Lt who believes I am untouchable because I am pregnant? I do not ask to be improper. I ask because I do not know. Mother did not tell me of this (this should surely be written down somewhere since she has told me everything else). No other pregnant woman I have spoken to has told me of this. The doctor say it is permissible with cautions as the pregnancy progresses. I believe I will arrange an appointment before Lt leaves again.
It is becoming obvious to Lt I know more of the base than he. He tells of a place he needs to find... I take him to it. He gives me those looks. Those looks that say "you're not supposed to know this!" He tells me of changes that are required... I tell him they are complete. Again, the looks. I have found it necessary to "not know" where certain places are and let him search for them. This can be difficult. I want to scream, "It's right there!" as we pass it a third or fourth time but I refrain. Lt asks me why my cheek hurts. Cold sore dear.
Lt is home. I am happy for many things.
Jean was correct. Homecoming, even for only a break, was wonderful. New daddies and soon to be daddies were allowed to leave the ship first, provided they were not on watch. Lt was third to leave. We were surrounded by the other families welcoming their sailors home. The atmosphere was excited. Smiling faces and happy tears were everywhere.
I was exuberantly lifted from my feet and given a very firm embrace! Then set to my feet with immediate apologies! "I am sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you ok?" lol After reassuring him I was not injured, we embraced again with less.... energy. His attention was to me so he did not notice the Captain patiently waiting to speak to him. I found it necessary to bring Lt's attention to him. Since I am usually not included in these conversations, I will refrain from discussing it. If it were mine to share I am sure I would have been informed of it. The Captain then congratulated Lt and me and left to his own family.
I held Lt's arm as we walked to my car. He told me of his cruise so far and places they had been. I smiled with appropriate ooo's and ah's. I have seen many of the places he had seen but I did not wish to dampen his excitement. It was his first visits to these places and I wished to share his excitement. It amuses me that, while Lt is clearly happy of becoming a father, his excitement focused on his time at sea. I could not help but, with a very large smile on my face, take his face in my hands and give him a kiss. lol I am so proud of him and what he does.
Lt brought me several gifts from where they had been. Since Korea is the only port visit officially released it is the only gift I will tell you of. Lt brought me a perfume and lotion set. They are in the most beautiful bottles. Even though they will eventually empty I will keep the bottles.
Is it only Lt who believes I am untouchable because I am pregnant? I do not ask to be improper. I ask because I do not know. Mother did not tell me of this (this should surely be written down somewhere since she has told me everything else). No other pregnant woman I have spoken to has told me of this. The doctor say it is permissible with cautions as the pregnancy progresses. I believe I will arrange an appointment before Lt leaves again.
It is becoming obvious to Lt I know more of the base than he. He tells of a place he needs to find... I take him to it. He gives me those looks. Those looks that say "you're not supposed to know this!" He tells me of changes that are required... I tell him they are complete. Again, the looks. I have found it necessary to "not know" where certain places are and let him search for them. This can be difficult. I want to scream, "It's right there!" as we pass it a third or fourth time but I refrain. Lt asks me why my cheek hurts. Cold sore dear.
Lt is home. I am happy for many things.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Really?
I have heard stories. I doubted the truth of it.
Why does it now seem I have a bladder that is the size of a thimble? I now immediately spend time locating the lavatory in any building I enter. I am slowly mapping them all. My walks are routed according to lavatory locations. Walking in town is challenging. Yesterday I was caught in town far from a toilet. Fortunately for me a kind woman invited me to use the toilet in her shop. It was only meters away but I came near to not requiring it!
And it seems someone is entering my home and stealing my bras, replacing them with smaller ones! I know there is to be an increase but so soon?!?
Little one is again playing loop-de-loop. The short break from it was nice but it seems it was only to build energy. No one told me the he would eventually choose what foods I may eat. I have not eaten a dumpling in days. The smell of them sends Little one into fits. Just who is responsible for giving him such power? Who installed the nausea button within his reach? I am working on disconnecting this button.
I am sorry! All those I doubted when they told me of this, please forgive me! I will never doubt what you tell me again!
Why does it now seem I have a bladder that is the size of a thimble? I now immediately spend time locating the lavatory in any building I enter. I am slowly mapping them all. My walks are routed according to lavatory locations. Walking in town is challenging. Yesterday I was caught in town far from a toilet. Fortunately for me a kind woman invited me to use the toilet in her shop. It was only meters away but I came near to not requiring it!
And it seems someone is entering my home and stealing my bras, replacing them with smaller ones! I know there is to be an increase but so soon?!?
Little one is again playing loop-de-loop. The short break from it was nice but it seems it was only to build energy. No one told me the he would eventually choose what foods I may eat. I have not eaten a dumpling in days. The smell of them sends Little one into fits. Just who is responsible for giving him such power? Who installed the nausea button within his reach? I am working on disconnecting this button.
I am sorry! All those I doubted when they told me of this, please forgive me! I will never doubt what you tell me again!
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