Gifts

Have you ever been given a gift that felt.... different?

I recently received a gift that makes me uncomfortable. First, I was given no opportunity of accepting or rejecting it. It was delivered by a senior professor who simply left it at my office with no note or explanation of it. Second, simply giving it back is not an option. It must be noted that in Japan, it is considered exceptionally rude (and possibly career ending) to reject a gift with no reasonable explanation as to why it is rejected, especially if given by a senior. A reasonable reason to return it would be along the lines of you already have one and are offering them an opportunity to choose a different, more suitable gift. Since it was a bottle of wine, and everyone knows I enjoy wine, that excuse is unavailable.

This senior professor I only know in passing since we are in different departments. This makes his gift even more unsettling since the wine is one of my preferred labels and is not available in Japan; it must be imported from the US from a small winery in Walla Walla. Is it coincidence that he has given this particular label or is it intentional?

I have settled for waiting to see what is next while hoping I am just over-thinking this. To make reports of this too early could offend or adversely affect someone who is innocent. I do not wish to be the one that causes a good deed to be punished.

Time for Deployment

 

Tis the season for deployments. 

It is the Navy. You likely knew the time was coming.  You may have been wishing you would be the exception or that it was all a bad dream. You watch your SO lace up his boots, grab his sea bag and you swallow that knot in your throat. There is so much silence! Then you get everything and everyone loaded up and head to the ship. It is the shortest long drive you have ever made. It is dark – why do they always have to leave so early? Then, kisses are done (mine is the last) and the drop off is complete so you head home. Now, the first day of deployment. What now? How do you manage? What do you do with yourself? What about all these emotions bottling up?

I am not going to pretend or tell you it is easy. I will be honest telling you the first day is rough.

It is not the end of the world though. Here are 7 tips to not just survive deployment but to thrive during it. 

Prep the Night Before

Plan what your day will look like. Maybe you have errands to run, children to get off to school or a job to get to. Setting out your clothes sounds so simple but it relieves stress not making that decision so early in the morning and every little bit of stress reduction helps. Set out everything you will need tomorrow. Having a plan in place that you use to stay moving through your first day helps make the transition a little easier.

Go Back to Sleep

Depending on your schedule, going back to sleep can sometimes be what helps you. Not only does it help pass the time quickly, but it also can give you that “fresh start” when you wake back up. A cautionary word: do not sleep the day away. Set an alarm to wake back up and get moving.

Get Moving

After Jared got underway for the 3rd deployment, I immediately went to the gym. I was pregnant with June, so I dropped off Chao lei at the school and walked my normal morning path. Exercise helps get the endorphins flowing to help improve your moods throughout the day. Deployments are the perfect time to set some sort of fitness goal to accomplish. Beginning to work for that goal on day 1 can set the tone for the entire deployment!

Phone A Friend

Your people are there for you. They are there to laugh with, to cry with, and to help manage the day-to-day aspects of life. Do not isolate yourself. If you have no people handy, do not be afraid to go out and find your people. These people (your tribe) are important because they help to fill any void for companionship. They give us a sense of belonging. Exactly what we need during a deployment, especially the first day!

Get Outside

There is almost nothing as therapeutic than going outside and spending time in nature. Even if your outside time is limited by weather, schedule, or pandemic, work on being as close to it as possible. Sit by an open window, do some deep breaths to really soak in the fresh air, close your eyes and enjoy. If it is sunny, soak it up. If you can combine this with some physical exercise (walk/run maybe) even better!

Have a Yes Day

Are you feeling like some ice cream for dinner? Do the kids want to go to the park? Maybe have a pajama day? Setting aside the first day of deployment as a YES day can help you remain positive. Plus, once you fill your cup, going back to “real life” won’t feel so gloomy in the end. Just make sure it does not continue past day one. Day two must return to the reality of the life you have chosen. A few more scattered YES days throughout the deployment can really help break up the time apart from your loved one.

Have a Good Cry

The first day is not going to be fun, or easy. You will find that you may see small things about the house, such as their razor forgotten on the bathroom counter, and you may think he will need that and begin to remind him before he leaves only to realize he is already gone. Your emotions are completely valid and It is ok to cry! But once you have a good cry, it is time to move on. That does not mean you will not be sad throughout the deployment but know that dwelling on it is not healthy. So cry and then move on.

You got this!

That first day can be tough. You may feel you are ready for deployment, but one really never fully is. The first day can make a lot of difference in getting through that first day. How you do it depends on your planning

Most importantly, remember, you are not alone. 

Congratulations! That is the first day. Now, on to the rest!

 I hate when my body insists to follow the routine of when Jared is home. Here I am awake at 0430 for no other reason than my body insists it be so. Chao lei and June are sound asleep so here I sit alone. Well, there is Yuki my cat to contend with. It is difficult to type when she is on my keyboard demanding attention.

I do have a day of usually intelligent students to face. They are intelligent but only lack confidence in what they already know. Being a teacher often resembles being a parent. The student’s age is irrelevant. One must constantly encourage them and reinforce the lessons being taught.

All that is needed before facing them is to prepare Chao lei and June for their day, deliver them to school and begin my day.

It Has Begun

 Jared is underway for the first time this season. He has not gone far. With a pair of binoculars, I can see the ship just off shore. Two miles-two thousand miles, there is no difference. Both mean he is gone. For how long is anyone’s guess.

June will be a musician I think. Her favorite activity is banging a spoon on whatever is nearby. She is quite noisy for long periods. She has chosen my rice spoon as her favorite drum stick and upset when she cannot find it but sometimes, her crying is a welcome change from her banging. She has great stamina for either one.

Chao lei makes a mother happy. The teacher says he is a pleasure to have in class and he is very bright. Sometimes he is too bright as he corrects teachers regularly. When told his answer is correct but his method is not he has replied that “people learn in different ways. This is how he learns it.” His teacher says he is always respectful when he does this. At the least, I can take comfort in that.

Speaking of teaching, final exams approach. I love teaching. I do not love students who insist on waiting until it is very late and expect me to accept their urgency as my own. Even worse is parents who call on behalf of their student. Are they not adults responsible for their own choices? I would be mortified if my parents tried garnering special favor or attention in a class. I am polite but offer no such special favors to parents much less students. They will pass or fail on their own merits.

I love teaching. I will be glad when term is over and I have until fall term to do as I wish with my time.