As we prepare for Father Bing's funeral on Friday, life has continued. There are so many things that required our attention we have had no time to mourn. Mother Bing has had only a few crying times. I have not done so since I have arrived. Occupy my thoughts I determined to see to my year past.
We have survived another PCS. I was not overjoyed of the return to Japan. It is not because I disliked Japan but only because I hoped to see someplace different. Since I had no choice, I made a determination to do it differently than our last tour. I will see more and do more. Their are places to be discovered and places to be revisited such as Nabana No Sato in Kuwana.
I have another house. This time it is closer to the base so that there is no need to relocate to base housing again. I am only a five minute walk from the gate. It is sometimes nice to leave the base and pretend it is not there and to not see Navy uniforms everywhere. Do not misunderstand. I do not hate the Navy. I only need times that are not dominated by it.
I have resumed teaching at the University. It is pleasant returning to my office and discover they have changed nothing and they have vacated it for me. The intern was not as happy as I about his relocation.
It seems I will retain my title of Aunt Mei with the ship's crew. We have an ombudsman that does a wonderful job of caring for the crew and their families. I have chosen to focus on the single/solo sailors though. I have a large number of baking pans with which to make cookies and other treats though I have used them very little so far. That will change when they are home.
I have determined there is something in the water, air, or food here in Japan. Jared and I had decided another child would be a good thing though we took no real steps to accomplish that. We had to arrive in Japan to become pregnant. Now we wait for July 6, 2020. We will also wait to see if Jared is present for this one.
Speaking of Jared, he is not here. Again. In fact, he has been away for 5 weeks so far. The ship left before Thanksgiving and remains gone with no clear indication of its return date so far. It was my first Christmas alone. Well, not alone since Dorothy spent the day with Chao lei and I. It feels odd having present that are unwrapped sitting in the corner. Jared insisted we open our in his absence but I withheld some for his return.
It seems the Navy is compensating for late entry into the season cruise. That is likely not the case but it seems so to us. It is frustrating sometimes seeing the other ships in port while ours is absent. I am left to wonder how will our new year play out?
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
Friday, December 20, 2019
Life Interrupted
Life can be cold. I have lost Father Bing unexpectedly. A sudden illness has taken him. I will go home to be with Mother Bing and Heather.
Father Bing was not truly my father. He simply welcomed me to the family and treated me as a daughter. He offered me good advice, often. He stood for my father when my father was unable. When I was to meet Jared's parents for the first time, he acted as my father and stood by me as I worried of my impressions. He wiped tears from my eyes. He encouraged me. He was unafraid to fully assume the role of father for me in my new home.
Now my heart will ache for a time because he is no longer with me just as if he were my birth father. I will miss hearing his voice when I call and his humor at my expense.
Father Bing was not truly my father. He simply welcomed me to the family and treated me as a daughter. He offered me good advice, often. He stood for my father when my father was unable. When I was to meet Jared's parents for the first time, he acted as my father and stood by me as I worried of my impressions. He wiped tears from my eyes. He encouraged me. He was unafraid to fully assume the role of father for me in my new home.
Now my heart will ache for a time because he is no longer with me just as if he were my birth father. I will miss hearing his voice when I call and his humor at my expense.
Wednesday, December 11, 2019
9 weeks
My hair has begun its rapid growth. It is hopeful Jared remembers what occurred when he spoke of a mustache when I was pregnant with Chao lei. I do not mind the thicker hair on my head but could live quite well without the mustache... or thicker leg hair. I love the longer nails though. I am hot all the time. I will assume it will end as quickly as last time.
By this time, Chao lei had determined I was not to eat dumplings, spices, or drink coffee. This one has not given me its preferences yet. I can easily go without spices and coffee, though I did miss them very much. Dumplings though, they are my weakness. I would get very fat very quickly if I indulge in them recklessly. I attempt to appease this baby by not overindulging in anything. I have been using less spice and limiting my coffee and drinking tea instead. The dumplings? I only hope little one enjoys them since I am unable to curtail my eating of them anymore than is necessary.
I have begun the search for a crib and nursery furniture. Remembering the effort to get my rocker to my office and my reluctance to go through that again, I will need to buy a new one. I may even allow Jared to choose the crib again, if he ever gets home.
It seems they make up for the ship missing deployment by keeping them underway. This time has only been a month so far but add that to the weeks they were gone before with only a few days at home. They have been sailing since we arrived. It would seem they believed I needed to be reminded of what sea duty really is. I am not complaining, mind you. I knew to expect this.
We will see how much of this pregnancy Jared will be present for. He was absent for most of it the last time, including the birth. Now maybe, he will learn what the rest of pregnancy means. lol
Thursday, December 05, 2019
A Little Rant
Finals are approaching and the inevitable has begun. It seems students believe their urgency to prepare is also mine. I do sympathize with them to a point as it is a lot of information to process. I will not bend to their demands of large amounts of my time since it is they who have put off the necessary until now. Besides, if I gave the time they demand, I would have none remaining for me.
I will assist them as I may but it will be inside the schedule I have already set and posted. That requires them to schedule an appointment by calling my office and meeting there. Would you believe some have requested my personal phone number or to meet them somewhere convenient to them? Of course I refuse.
I have had parents call and insist I give their child priority and special considerations. Really? Are these not adults attending university? Do they require parental intervention? It is difficult to not penalize the student for this even though sometimes I desperately desire to. It is especially difficult when the student inquires if their parent has spoken to me yet. To that, so far, I have replied yes and left it at that.
I have wondered of acquiring teaching credentials and taking a position at Kinnick High School on the base. Perhaps there I could better prepare students for university. It is a tempting idea.
End rant. Life is good.
I will assist them as I may but it will be inside the schedule I have already set and posted. That requires them to schedule an appointment by calling my office and meeting there. Would you believe some have requested my personal phone number or to meet them somewhere convenient to them? Of course I refuse.
I have had parents call and insist I give their child priority and special considerations. Really? Are these not adults attending university? Do they require parental intervention? It is difficult to not penalize the student for this even though sometimes I desperately desire to. It is especially difficult when the student inquires if their parent has spoken to me yet. To that, so far, I have replied yes and left it at that.
I have wondered of acquiring teaching credentials and taking a position at Kinnick High School on the base. Perhaps there I could better prepare students for university. It is a tempting idea.
End rant. Life is good.
Monday, December 02, 2019
On to December!
This was the first holiday this tour Jared was underway. I am sure there will be many more. At the least we had s few minutes of facetime. I was given the usual... cannot say where we are... cannot say when we will return... you know, the usual. He says they had a traditional dinner but he missed my "unique" twists on the dinner. Since it is an American invented holiday, I do not toy much with the traditional menu. I only include foods I enjoy.
I was not without the company of sailors though. Relax. They were both female and quite entertaining. Chao lei loved the attention he received from them. The Navy, in its wisdom, assigned to me two enlisted sailors. It is not that I have a prejudice against enlisted but given how awkward some people become, it is likely a fortunate thing that the Commander was not here. I usually insist rank be left at the door but the separation is so ingrained it is difficult for people to relax. The fact that Jared was not home allowed my guest to relax which made me happy.
The weather has gotten better. At the least, it is not as dreary as Thanksgiving day. Now we see moments of sunshine in the afternoon between rain showers. I would have enjoyed taking a walk but it was too miserable. With the passing of the holiday, Chao lei has returned to school so there is no one to share the improving weather with.
It is just as well. I return to the classroom tomorrow and for the remainder of the week. Worse yet, finals approach. I have already posted much information and offered a schedule for receiving help. Some have been intelligent and sought assistance early, some will wait until late and some will be thick and ask too late. We are in the late category now. I expect my inbox to explode beginning this week. lol
The sun is forecasted to be out on Sunday. Perhaps, as a reward for not abandoning students, I will join it with a hike or perhaps a shopping walk.
I was not without the company of sailors though. Relax. They were both female and quite entertaining. Chao lei loved the attention he received from them. The Navy, in its wisdom, assigned to me two enlisted sailors. It is not that I have a prejudice against enlisted but given how awkward some people become, it is likely a fortunate thing that the Commander was not here. I usually insist rank be left at the door but the separation is so ingrained it is difficult for people to relax. The fact that Jared was not home allowed my guest to relax which made me happy.
The weather has gotten better. At the least, it is not as dreary as Thanksgiving day. Now we see moments of sunshine in the afternoon between rain showers. I would have enjoyed taking a walk but it was too miserable. With the passing of the holiday, Chao lei has returned to school so there is no one to share the improving weather with.
It is just as well. I return to the classroom tomorrow and for the remainder of the week. Worse yet, finals approach. I have already posted much information and offered a schedule for receiving help. Some have been intelligent and sought assistance early, some will wait until late and some will be thick and ask too late. We are in the late category now. I expect my inbox to explode beginning this week. lol
The sun is forecasted to be out on Sunday. Perhaps, as a reward for not abandoning students, I will join it with a hike or perhaps a shopping walk.
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Happy Thanksgiving
As my day begins , I sit here drinking my tea and planning this day. Something that irritates me is my inability to stray from Jared's routine even in his absence. I have no need to be awake so early but something in my head says there must be activity now.
Tomorrow I will host two female sailors. I requested females since Jared is underway and I did not wish to break our habit of hosting single sailors for a holiday. I may not be their family but for me, it is better to be with someone friendly than to be alone. I hope to make their day a little better. I know they have programs at other bases for hosting single sailors. It is my hope that no sailor (or soldier or airman) is alone on this holiday.
There is some cooking to be done today. Most will be the desserts. Chao lei will enjoy today very much I think. There will be many spoons to lick and desserts to approve. My only regret is the unavailability of blackberries here. Mother Bing taught me how to cook cobblers and pies using them so I rarely missed the opportunity to go picking them. A lot of them. Yes, I can get frozen berries at the commissary but they are not the same since they are picked early so they can be processed. The perfect berry is picked by hand when it is ripe. Then they are incredibly sweet with no sugar added. I miss my Oregon. Meanwhile, everything for tomorrow is staged and awaits its time in the oven. It will be convenient to awake early.
I will use my uv lights tomorrow too. The weather promises to be dreary. I thought to try to keep spirits positive despite the grayness. They are not intrusive and can be overlooked quite easily. Their effects are subtle too. A friend that lived in Alaska taught me of these lights. They prevented depression for her. She also taught me that one must use them carefully as they can become addicting and can drastically alter sleep patterns. I follow her advice and do not use them outside of day light hours. They are usually not out of their boxes except for those dark days.
I hope you have found many things to be thankful for this year and wish for you a wonderful Thanksgiving day.
Tomorrow I will host two female sailors. I requested females since Jared is underway and I did not wish to break our habit of hosting single sailors for a holiday. I may not be their family but for me, it is better to be with someone friendly than to be alone. I hope to make their day a little better. I know they have programs at other bases for hosting single sailors. It is my hope that no sailor (or soldier or airman) is alone on this holiday.
There is some cooking to be done today. Most will be the desserts. Chao lei will enjoy today very much I think. There will be many spoons to lick and desserts to approve. My only regret is the unavailability of blackberries here. Mother Bing taught me how to cook cobblers and pies using them so I rarely missed the opportunity to go picking them. A lot of them. Yes, I can get frozen berries at the commissary but they are not the same since they are picked early so they can be processed. The perfect berry is picked by hand when it is ripe. Then they are incredibly sweet with no sugar added. I miss my Oregon. Meanwhile, everything for tomorrow is staged and awaits its time in the oven. It will be convenient to awake early.
I will use my uv lights tomorrow too. The weather promises to be dreary. I thought to try to keep spirits positive despite the grayness. They are not intrusive and can be overlooked quite easily. Their effects are subtle too. A friend that lived in Alaska taught me of these lights. They prevented depression for her. She also taught me that one must use them carefully as they can become addicting and can drastically alter sleep patterns. I follow her advice and do not use them outside of day light hours. They are usually not out of their boxes except for those dark days.
I hope you have found many things to be thankful for this year and wish for you a wonderful Thanksgiving day.
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
Life As It Is
I have fussed and complained now and then. Especially in the beginning of my life with Jared when I did not understand so many things. But, I cannot envision a different life now. Jared and I have lived the Navy life for nine years. We had four years of sea duty, four years of shore duty and we are now back to sea duty. I thought I preferred shore duty but in reflection, I found it quite boring and if I found it boring, one may safely assume Jared did more so.
It was pleasant having my husband go to work and come home at regular times. I deeply love my husband but he could drive me crazy sometimes always being underfoot. At times, I thought it would be wonderful if he took interest in a hobby that did not include me. I blame this thinking on our first tour in Japan. He was often gone. Though we had our routines, our greetings were never routine. In Pensacola, they sometimes were reduced to barely acknowledging the presence of the other. Happily it was not often but it did happen because he was there. Every day.
There is much to be said about shore duty. There are no underways to be endured. Since Jared was in school, there were no dangers of deployment. One can plan with certainty their family's activities. In all appearance, save the uniform, it resembles a normal civilian life. I did not much care for it.
As strange as it may sound, I prefer sea duty. Not because I wish my husband gone. That is quite the contrary. Deployments and underways remain dreadful things and always will. Even now Jared is underway again for only the Navy knows how long this time and I miss him terribly. I have decided I prefer sea duty because neither of us takes the other for granted. We remain as interested in each other with the same enthusiasm as the day we married. Each homecoming is as a honeymoon, albeit with a child but that is what sitters are for. I know I do not neglect to greet him each time knowing he may depart again and very soon. I ensure he knows he is loved and appreciated.
I cannot imagine a life that does not include the Navy. I believe that, should new orders arrive in the future, I will dread the words "shore duty" as much as Jared. He will never hear me encourage an exit from the Navy (unless they condemn him to permanent shore duty for some reason then maybe. lol)
It was pleasant having my husband go to work and come home at regular times. I deeply love my husband but he could drive me crazy sometimes always being underfoot. At times, I thought it would be wonderful if he took interest in a hobby that did not include me. I blame this thinking on our first tour in Japan. He was often gone. Though we had our routines, our greetings were never routine. In Pensacola, they sometimes were reduced to barely acknowledging the presence of the other. Happily it was not often but it did happen because he was there. Every day.
There is much to be said about shore duty. There are no underways to be endured. Since Jared was in school, there were no dangers of deployment. One can plan with certainty their family's activities. In all appearance, save the uniform, it resembles a normal civilian life. I did not much care for it.
I once complained that the Navy was not allowing us to adjust to married life when he was first on sea duty. They were always taking my husband away from me and forcing us to live single. I regretted Jared's move from the Coast Guard to the Navy sometimes since I was never asked what I thought of it. I had no reservations bragging of being married to a naval officer though. Yes, it was selfish thinking of me.
As strange as it may sound, I prefer sea duty. Not because I wish my husband gone. That is quite the contrary. Deployments and underways remain dreadful things and always will. Even now Jared is underway again for only the Navy knows how long this time and I miss him terribly. I have decided I prefer sea duty because neither of us takes the other for granted. We remain as interested in each other with the same enthusiasm as the day we married. Each homecoming is as a honeymoon, albeit with a child but that is what sitters are for. I know I do not neglect to greet him each time knowing he may depart again and very soon. I ensure he knows he is loved and appreciated.
I cannot imagine a life that does not include the Navy. I believe that, should new orders arrive in the future, I will dread the words "shore duty" as much as Jared. He will never hear me encourage an exit from the Navy (unless they condemn him to permanent shore duty for some reason then maybe. lol)
Monday, November 18, 2019
It is Confirmed
Jared returned yesterday but after my appointment. I got his message they had been at the pier for some time as I left the hospital. The timing was perfect. Since it was lunch time, I took him to the club so that I was able to inform him of his pending child. I decided to have a little fun with him rather than tell him right away. I tested his observational skills. Would he notice some differences in behavior or would I be required to tell him?
As we sat, the waiter asked for our drink preferences. Since we (meaning he) had already decided to have steak, he ordered a glass of wine. I requested water. As anyone who knows me will say, I am fond of wine. I ensure there is always a good selection of it in my house. Whether Jared noticed this obvious detour from my routine was not immediately known as he did not mention it.
Time to order our steaks came. Jared ordered his as is his preference, rare. My preference is usually medium rare but the chef here knows how to cook steaks so it is safe for me to order medium with no danger of it finishing to well done. I do not care for a well done steak and have been known to send one back to be replaced. I had his attention when I ordered a well done steak.
I could see his mind was wrestling with something as we awaited our orders. I only sat with a small grin. After our food arrived, it only took a few moments for him to come to a conclusion. When he did his chewing stopped momentarily and he adopted a look of half panic and half excitement and asked "Ok. What is going on?" Before I could speak he "energetically" said, "You are pregnant!" I will say here that one of my favorite things about my husband is to watch him come to a conclusion, especially a conclusion he likes, then to announce his conclusion. I cannot help but to smile each time I think of it.
His announcement was followed by a kiss and an embrace before I could confirm his conclusion. Apparently, his announcement was heard by most people in the dining room and they responded with polite applause. Now came all of his questions; boy or girl (he insists it will be a girl), how far along, why did I not tell him sooner, etc.
To say he is excited would be an understatement. He is shopping already for the materials to decorate the nursery. If he paints, I hope he awaits confirmation of his idea it is a girl or at the least choose a neutral color. Our short visit to the NEX causes me to hope it is a girl. He never once ventured to the little boy's clothing. His only comments were how pretty she would be in this outfit or that. Even Chao lei is now convinced he will have a sister having listened to his father's comments.
We will see soon enough. Until then, we will concentrate on staying healthy and adjust to living pregnant, with and sometimes without Jared. Now to tell Mother.
His announcement was followed by a kiss and an embrace before I could confirm his conclusion. Apparently, his announcement was heard by most people in the dining room and they responded with polite applause. Now came all of his questions; boy or girl (he insists it will be a girl), how far along, why did I not tell him sooner, etc.
To say he is excited would be an understatement. He is shopping already for the materials to decorate the nursery. If he paints, I hope he awaits confirmation of his idea it is a girl or at the least choose a neutral color. Our short visit to the NEX causes me to hope it is a girl. He never once ventured to the little boy's clothing. His only comments were how pretty she would be in this outfit or that. Even Chao lei is now convinced he will have a sister having listened to his father's comments.
We will see soon enough. Until then, we will concentrate on staying healthy and adjust to living pregnant, with and sometimes without Jared. Now to tell Mother.
Friday, November 15, 2019
Hike of Lake Okutama
The advantage of walking trails on Autumn weekdays is you share the trails with very few people. Since we elected the more difficult route and Chao lei had to attend school, we arranged daycare for him after school and did this hike without him. According to him, he did not mind.
The Japanese parks are kind enough to tell you in English which way the trail goes. These signs are a help if one cannot read the Japanese map of the trails. Most trailheads and trail intersections are marked with these signs meaning it would take some effort to become lost.
This trail requires one to be ready for almost anything. The weather here can change at any time so having a jacket and/or raincoat is important.
If you are afraid of heights, this is probably not the best trail for you either. There are several bridges and narrow trails that cling to the side of the hills. They offer wonderful views though.
It is normal for Jared to outpace me. Perhaps this is because of his climbing stairs and ladders all day so he has the strength. Or perhaps it is exercise for him. For me, it is the scenery. To see it requires I walk in it. I am known to stop and look at things that catch my attention. Soon enough He will not venture too far ahead. Barring him reading this entry, and he usually does not, he knows nothing of the possible pregnancy. When I inform him after seeing the doctor, I will be fortunate to hike anything more difficult than the sidewalks on base.
It is ok though. Sometimes something distracts Jared and I go ahead of him. Or maybe he wants to watch my reaction to things. This bridge for instance. There was a wind when we reached it and it swayed some. What entertains him eludes me at times. It must have been disappointing for him as I walked carefully but confidently across.
There are several bridges like this one that are not so high and are more sheltered from wind. You must only cross the high, windy ones to get to them. The views are worth it. Even in autumn colors it is a beautiful place to be.
It is only after we began our hike we discovered the trail follows the old road to the lake. This explains the many abandoned buildings along the way. It was very tempting to explore some of them but it is best to resist the urge since one does not know if a claim for the property remains.
This trail requires one to be ready for almost anything. The weather here can change at any time so having a jacket and/or raincoat is important.
If you are afraid of heights, this is probably not the best trail for you either. There are several bridges and narrow trails that cling to the side of the hills. They offer wonderful views though.
It is normal for Jared to outpace me. Perhaps this is because of his climbing stairs and ladders all day so he has the strength. Or perhaps it is exercise for him. For me, it is the scenery. To see it requires I walk in it. I am known to stop and look at things that catch my attention. Soon enough He will not venture too far ahead. Barring him reading this entry, and he usually does not, he knows nothing of the possible pregnancy. When I inform him after seeing the doctor, I will be fortunate to hike anything more difficult than the sidewalks on base.
And as seems customary to the Japanese, it is near impossible to go anywhere where one will not find a temple or a shrine. This small shrine is to the rock under which it is built. The rock is actually a single boulder that is perched on the hillside.
Fortunately, when the trail is ended, there are options for how to return to the place you began.You can walk the trail in reverse or go to Okutama station and ride back.
Since it is a four hour return walk, we chose the train. Also, the weather was turning and Japanese rain is cold to walk in. It was a good day. There was no reason to end it cold and wet.
Since there are other trails at the lake, we will likely hike those first before exploring other trail areas. I will admit that once the availability of places to hike is researched, one discovers there are more trails than one would believe on this overcrowded island.
Friday, November 08, 2019
Let the Shopping Begin
Most of the time I hate to shop. Well, buy. I enjoy walking the shops of the Blue Road but I can rarely convince myself that I need something. I never have been prone to buy just because I can. I keep my wardrobe to a minimum since there are only so many clothes I can wear. I attempt to keep my house uncluttered while tastefully decorated. Jared is often frustrated with me because I do not buy things for myself and instead deposit money to the savings.
I kept the necessary things we got for Chao lei but as time went on, he outgrew clothes, beds, bottles, and such. If this pregnancy is confirmed, we will be required to begin shopping again. A bed will be required for the new baby since we disposed of the crib years ago. Jared bought the last one and I was surprised how well he chose. I could not have done better since I only shopped the NEX. I wonder if he will be so willing to shop for another? We will require another changing table for the same reason we require a crib.
Preparing another baby room will happen again. Jared did a wonderful job job for Chao lei's room. I am confident he will do so again. He tends to agree with my "uncluttered but tasteful" design philosophy. I suppose that is due to living onboard a ship with small spaces.
Jared insists it will be a girl. All his family has a boy and a girl so he will. I only wish for a healthy baby but a girl would be nice. I love our son but I cannot dress him with ribbons and bows. I had a small taste of what that is like when a niece was born. I enjoyed it.
I believe I will wait to inform mother until the doctor confirms this baby. Since my brother (I blame his wife) is too selfish to give her another grandchild, I am the only source so she traveled often to see Chao lei until we went to Florida. She is very happy now that we have returned. Her fist visit will be soon. Perhaps that is when I will inform her.
Jared wants a girl. Chao lei prefers a brother. I want a healthy baby. Grandparents (all sets (long story)) want it now. We will see.
I kept the necessary things we got for Chao lei but as time went on, he outgrew clothes, beds, bottles, and such. If this pregnancy is confirmed, we will be required to begin shopping again. A bed will be required for the new baby since we disposed of the crib years ago. Jared bought the last one and I was surprised how well he chose. I could not have done better since I only shopped the NEX. I wonder if he will be so willing to shop for another? We will require another changing table for the same reason we require a crib.
Preparing another baby room will happen again. Jared did a wonderful job job for Chao lei's room. I am confident he will do so again. He tends to agree with my "uncluttered but tasteful" design philosophy. I suppose that is due to living onboard a ship with small spaces.
Jared insists it will be a girl. All his family has a boy and a girl so he will. I only wish for a healthy baby but a girl would be nice. I love our son but I cannot dress him with ribbons and bows. I had a small taste of what that is like when a niece was born. I enjoyed it.
I believe I will wait to inform mother until the doctor confirms this baby. Since my brother (I blame his wife) is too selfish to give her another grandchild, I am the only source so she traveled often to see Chao lei until we went to Florida. She is very happy now that we have returned. Her fist visit will be soon. Perhaps that is when I will inform her.
Jared wants a girl. Chao lei prefers a brother. I want a healthy baby. Grandparents (all sets (long story)) want it now. We will see.
Thursday, November 07, 2019
What Is It About Japan?
Well..... we were not NOT trying.
I suppose there is only to make a doctors appointment to confirm.
Hopefully, Jared will be here for this one.
Tuesday, November 05, 2019
Autumn is here
Autumn is here and the fleet is home. For now. They were only gone for a few weeks this time. There are longer deployments to come.
It is good timing for our families. Some new spouses were tested but they survived. The first is always the most difficult. I will admit that returning to sea duty was difficult for me. I forgot everything I knew for a time and allowed myself to throw a pity party for myself. Fortunately, I recovered fairly quickly. I prefer to command my circumstances rather than they commanding me.
Now Jared is home for a time with only the normal underways which last only a couple of weeks at a time usually. There are usually weeks between those. Autumn is the time when we mostly appear as a normal family rather than Navy family. It will not last long so we will enjoy it while we may.
Now that Chao lei is older we will begin hiking nearby areas. I would enjoy hiking Mt Fuji but I do not believe he is ready for the complete hike to the top. I have been told that Mt. Yusaka is a beautiful hike also. For now, we will hike the closer trails such as Lake Okutama in preparation for spring hiking.
Japan is the country of festivals. It is likely that in whatever direction you look, there is a festival occurring. Time of year has no influence... unless, of course, it is a festival of a season. This month, we have at least four festivals. On the 3rd, there was the Kanazaki festival. On the 8th and the 20th, there is the Tori no Ichi observance. The Zushi Samurai Procession and Yabusam occur on the 17th.
All of these occur here in Yokosuka. It is not possible to honestly say there is nothing to do here.
We will see this tour what Chao lei thinks of them. Jared here/Jared gone, Chao lei and I will attend these events. He will see and experience the culture here.
It is good timing for our families. Some new spouses were tested but they survived. The first is always the most difficult. I will admit that returning to sea duty was difficult for me. I forgot everything I knew for a time and allowed myself to throw a pity party for myself. Fortunately, I recovered fairly quickly. I prefer to command my circumstances rather than they commanding me.
Now Jared is home for a time with only the normal underways which last only a couple of weeks at a time usually. There are usually weeks between those. Autumn is the time when we mostly appear as a normal family rather than Navy family. It will not last long so we will enjoy it while we may.
Now that Chao lei is older we will begin hiking nearby areas. I would enjoy hiking Mt Fuji but I do not believe he is ready for the complete hike to the top. I have been told that Mt. Yusaka is a beautiful hike also. For now, we will hike the closer trails such as Lake Okutama in preparation for spring hiking.
Japan is the country of festivals. It is likely that in whatever direction you look, there is a festival occurring. Time of year has no influence... unless, of course, it is a festival of a season. This month, we have at least four festivals. On the 3rd, there was the Kanazaki festival. On the 8th and the 20th, there is the Tori no Ichi observance. The Zushi Samurai Procession and Yabusam occur on the 17th.
All of these occur here in Yokosuka. It is not possible to honestly say there is nothing to do here.
We will see this tour what Chao lei thinks of them. Jared here/Jared gone, Chao lei and I will attend these events. He will see and experience the culture here.
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
Young Wives and the Navy
There are new wives aboard and they are beginning to display frustration with their lifestyle. It is understandable. The military is far different than any other and each service has its own quirks. I will speak to the Navy's since they are what I know but I suspect they will appear in other branches too.
One wife I have been speaking with is bored and second guessing her choice. For her I say pursue things that interest you. Discover or renew an interest in a hobby. It only need be a thing that goes where you go. Attend school. An idea is Japanese language classes. Expand your mind while working toward a goal. During our last assignment here, I returned to school to attain my doctorate. That kept me aware of my own worth and to prioritize time for me.
Another wife worries of leaving the base fearing she will become lost. First, most Japanese police speak English. So do most younger Japanese but they resist fearing they will speak it incorrectly. See the previous paragraph for an answer to that fear. Do whatever it takes to enjoy your tour. Yokosuka is a beautiful base with much to do, both on and off base. Your choice is to be miserable for four years or four years happy.
Seek out a support system. I am not sure what other ships do but our families tend to spend a considerable time together. It is easy to find guidance to surviving the Navy life. As they say, I have been there and done that. I am more than willing to help someone that requires it. So are most other spouses aboard.
Get involved with your military community. Getting involved in the civilian community is nice but it does not prepare you for military life. It helps to build relationships so you have the support when you really need it. Civilian wives can be sympathetic but cannot understand the military spouse's lifestyle.
Yes. Deployments are a hard thing to live through. I hate them but they are part of this life I have chosen. It is easy to allow them to drag you down. They are not all bad though. They are an opportunity to invest in yourself. Take a course. Learn a language. It is simple things that get us through. Put a plan is place on how to survive it.
Where there are deployments, there are also homecomings. These can be as difficult as the deployments. Learning to reconnect and be family again is the most difficult part. This is normal. At the least, for me it has been. I found myself trying to be silent on Jared's return as he learned what I already new and then getting frustrated because he did not know what I already knew. It is a steady effort to come back together again after a deployment. Expect it. It is normal.
Become a planner. Things will go easier that way. Once you have become good at planning, never expect your plans will actually happen. Military life is not stable and can change at a moments notice.
One thing none of us want to think or talk about is, "What if something happens to my spouse?" It is the military so the possibility is definitely there and we must be as prepared for that possibility as we can be. To make things easier in the event something does happen is make sure all your legal papers are in order and in a safe: power of attorney, wills, life insurance, etc.
Your attitude is everything. Keep a positive one. Be flexible. Learning to adapt to the constant changes is your best tool for surviving military life.
Most important to remember... You are not alone. You are part of the military family.
One wife I have been speaking with is bored and second guessing her choice. For her I say pursue things that interest you. Discover or renew an interest in a hobby. It only need be a thing that goes where you go. Attend school. An idea is Japanese language classes. Expand your mind while working toward a goal. During our last assignment here, I returned to school to attain my doctorate. That kept me aware of my own worth and to prioritize time for me.
Another wife worries of leaving the base fearing she will become lost. First, most Japanese police speak English. So do most younger Japanese but they resist fearing they will speak it incorrectly. See the previous paragraph for an answer to that fear. Do whatever it takes to enjoy your tour. Yokosuka is a beautiful base with much to do, both on and off base. Your choice is to be miserable for four years or four years happy.
Seek out a support system. I am not sure what other ships do but our families tend to spend a considerable time together. It is easy to find guidance to surviving the Navy life. As they say, I have been there and done that. I am more than willing to help someone that requires it. So are most other spouses aboard.
Get involved with your military community. Getting involved in the civilian community is nice but it does not prepare you for military life. It helps to build relationships so you have the support when you really need it. Civilian wives can be sympathetic but cannot understand the military spouse's lifestyle.
Yes. Deployments are a hard thing to live through. I hate them but they are part of this life I have chosen. It is easy to allow them to drag you down. They are not all bad though. They are an opportunity to invest in yourself. Take a course. Learn a language. It is simple things that get us through. Put a plan is place on how to survive it.
Where there are deployments, there are also homecomings. These can be as difficult as the deployments. Learning to reconnect and be family again is the most difficult part. This is normal. At the least, for me it has been. I found myself trying to be silent on Jared's return as he learned what I already new and then getting frustrated because he did not know what I already knew. It is a steady effort to come back together again after a deployment. Expect it. It is normal.
Become a planner. Things will go easier that way. Once you have become good at planning, never expect your plans will actually happen. Military life is not stable and can change at a moments notice.
One thing none of us want to think or talk about is, "What if something happens to my spouse?" It is the military so the possibility is definitely there and we must be as prepared for that possibility as we can be. To make things easier in the event something does happen is make sure all your legal papers are in order and in a safe: power of attorney, wills, life insurance, etc.
Your attitude is everything. Keep a positive one. Be flexible. Learning to adapt to the constant changes is your best tool for surviving military life.
Most important to remember... You are not alone. You are part of the military family.
Monday, October 21, 2019
Students Return
Mid-term break is over for students. I am afraid some will not be pleased with mid-term results and I must say I am surprised and disappointed in some of their performances.
As classes go, grades are meeting expectations. The majority are doing well. I am only surprised by some individual performances. Students that I expected to perform well did not. Some that I expected to perform poorly excelled.
The former I do not understand. These students displayed a very good understanding of the subject matter in class. Their weekly assignments were done well but their mid-terms were deplorable. It is almost as if someone else that was unfamiliar with the subject did the work for them. At the least, I expected passing work to be done.
I do not enjoy failing students. Sometimes I feel it is part my failure as their teacher. Perhaps I did not communicate well with them. I simply cannot understand how they performed so well in class but failed in their exams. I suppose conversations must be had to determine the reasons and to overcome them.
I cannot explain latter either, though I am pleased with them. These students seemed to struggle in class yet performed brilliantly on their exams. It is these students who challenge my thinking of my failure as a teacher.
It is a challenge to teach here. The course being taught determines the language to be used. I teach an English language class and must use English and Japanese and, on occasion, Cantonese. I teach computer science classes where I must use Japanese, English and Madarin. At times it is difficult to remember what language I should be speaking to teach.
It is common during the school year that I begin thinking it would be easiest to stay home and teach Chao lei. He is an easy student. I could only wish university students were as easy.
As classes go, grades are meeting expectations. The majority are doing well. I am only surprised by some individual performances. Students that I expected to perform well did not. Some that I expected to perform poorly excelled.
The former I do not understand. These students displayed a very good understanding of the subject matter in class. Their weekly assignments were done well but their mid-terms were deplorable. It is almost as if someone else that was unfamiliar with the subject did the work for them. At the least, I expected passing work to be done.
I do not enjoy failing students. Sometimes I feel it is part my failure as their teacher. Perhaps I did not communicate well with them. I simply cannot understand how they performed so well in class but failed in their exams. I suppose conversations must be had to determine the reasons and to overcome them.
I cannot explain latter either, though I am pleased with them. These students seemed to struggle in class yet performed brilliantly on their exams. It is these students who challenge my thinking of my failure as a teacher.
It is a challenge to teach here. The course being taught determines the language to be used. I teach an English language class and must use English and Japanese and, on occasion, Cantonese. I teach computer science classes where I must use Japanese, English and Madarin. At times it is difficult to remember what language I should be speaking to teach.
It is common during the school year that I begin thinking it would be easiest to stay home and teach Chao lei. He is an easy student. I could only wish university students were as easy.
Thursday, October 17, 2019
Friday
I know it is not your Friday but it is mine. ;-)
It always irritates me that I cannot break myself fromfollowing Jared's routines even when he is not here. It is Friday morning yet I find myself awake and unable to return to sleep because that is not the routine. I envy Chao lei since he seems able to overcome it easily. He is sleeping peacefully while I struggle to think of what to do with myself.
So far, I have prepared my self breakfast. I chose jianbing. It is simple pancake and egg. I thought of congee but did not feel patient enough to prepare it. It is not difficult to make but it takes more time. An advantage is, I have the ingredients ready for Chao lei when he wakes.
With my breakfast complete, there are a few hours before I have anything I need to do and that is ready Chao lei for school. After that, my day is empty. I am not accustomed to having nothing to do. Dorothy is not here so I am unable to do anything with her. Shopping alone is not enjoyable. There is only so much walking to be done, especially with the rain. My violin can only be played so much.
I must return to my habits of our last sea duty. I cannot believe I am saying this but I hope there are no more breaks in sea duty. Changing from sea to shore and back is more difficult that I would have imagined. I will settle for sea duty only. At the least then, I can become settled to my routine.
It always irritates me that I cannot break myself fromfollowing Jared's routines even when he is not here. It is Friday morning yet I find myself awake and unable to return to sleep because that is not the routine. I envy Chao lei since he seems able to overcome it easily. He is sleeping peacefully while I struggle to think of what to do with myself.
So far, I have prepared my self breakfast. I chose jianbing. It is simple pancake and egg. I thought of congee but did not feel patient enough to prepare it. It is not difficult to make but it takes more time. An advantage is, I have the ingredients ready for Chao lei when he wakes.
With my breakfast complete, there are a few hours before I have anything I need to do and that is ready Chao lei for school. After that, my day is empty. I am not accustomed to having nothing to do. Dorothy is not here so I am unable to do anything with her. Shopping alone is not enjoyable. There is only so much walking to be done, especially with the rain. My violin can only be played so much.
I must return to my habits of our last sea duty. I cannot believe I am saying this but I hope there are no more breaks in sea duty. Changing from sea to shore and back is more difficult that I would have imagined. I will settle for sea duty only. At the least then, I can become settled to my routine.
Sunday, October 13, 2019
Another Storm Over
We have survived another storm. As storms go, this one being a super-typhoon, it could have been worse. There was some damage but not much. There was more from our last storm which was not a super-typhoon. We were much better than other places. Ichihara had a tornado that killed one person and did damages. Hachioji, south of us received 37" of rain. It could have been much worse for us.
Knowing you are not in serious danger helps to view the storm as an interesting thing to watch. Chao lei and I simply sat in our living room and watched the storm pass. It was noisy from the wind and we only saw small trash blow by. I only hope that Chao lei does not consider typhoons nothing to fear because of this storm. I tell him we were only fortunate this time. It may not be so during the next one.
The bad thing of rising in command is one becomes "essential personnel" more often. Apparently Jared was needed to watch the ship bounce off of the dock during the storm. I understand it. What if the mooring broke and the ship was free to be blown about the port? There must be someone to blame and an enlisted sailor just will not do. lol I am surprised they did not anchor in Sagami Bay as in the last storm.
The storm has passed and we are back to our "at home" routine. Who knows when we will change to our "underway" routine. The good thing is, our little difficulty that brought us back has caused us to fall from the deployment schedule. This does not mean Jared will not be gone. It only means he will be gone more often but for shorter periods of time.
All that remains is to raise Chao lei, teach my classes and do what I am needed to do for our families. None of us can live this life alone and some of us have more experience living it. It is only right that we share our knowledge.
Knowing you are not in serious danger helps to view the storm as an interesting thing to watch. Chao lei and I simply sat in our living room and watched the storm pass. It was noisy from the wind and we only saw small trash blow by. I only hope that Chao lei does not consider typhoons nothing to fear because of this storm. I tell him we were only fortunate this time. It may not be so during the next one.
The bad thing of rising in command is one becomes "essential personnel" more often. Apparently Jared was needed to watch the ship bounce off of the dock during the storm. I understand it. What if the mooring broke and the ship was free to be blown about the port? There must be someone to blame and an enlisted sailor just will not do. lol I am surprised they did not anchor in Sagami Bay as in the last storm.
The storm has passed and we are back to our "at home" routine. Who knows when we will change to our "underway" routine. The good thing is, our little difficulty that brought us back has caused us to fall from the deployment schedule. This does not mean Jared will not be gone. It only means he will be gone more often but for shorter periods of time.
All that remains is to raise Chao lei, teach my classes and do what I am needed to do for our families. None of us can live this life alone and some of us have more experience living it. It is only right that we share our knowledge.
Tuesday, October 08, 2019
They are back
The ship has returned. It is unknown how long though. I suppose we will enjoy what time there is while we may. I cannot say I am disappointed that we missed the fleet deployment. It does mean there will be more short underways but that is better than months of separation.
Returning to sea duty will take some adjustments. I was spoiled by shore duty with normal work times and weekends. I knew it was not permanent but I allowed myself to become accustomed to it. Behaving as if one's husband has a normal job is not a welcome thing when sea duty still looms in one's future.
I was asked by a young sailor's wife what it is like to have your husband leave so often. I told her it is a test of your character. A spouse must learn to function alone yet learn to allow the other to assume some of those functions when they are home. As time underway lengthens, it becomes easier to make all decisions without consulting your spouse. It is easy to be resentful when they attempt to resume some of their usual responsibilities thereby interfering with what has been working in their absence. Sailors are accustomed to making decisions. If they are part of command, they are accustomed to commanding and this can cause some difficulties between a couple if the sailor's spouse does not accept this will happen.
My husband will sometimes forget he is not onboard the ship and bring his natural command attitude home. I sometimes will look at him and reply "Excuse me?" Other times, especially after a long deployment, will tolerate it for only a slightly longer time but we will have a conversation of it. It is necessary to be able to speak of these things. Jared and I have been able to. Even as he moves higher in command and it becomes more difficult to separate the Navy and his family we talk of it. There is a certain level I am prepared to accept but I am not one of his sailors and will not be ordered about as such. Jared accepts this as well... especially if I have lapsed to Mandarin. ;-)
It is best to have these conversations earlier rather than later. Knowing what to expect after deployment or a shorter underway will help keep problems from occurring. It will not prevent all problems but it will minimize them. When issues arise, do not delay to discuss them or resentment can build and that is not healthy.
I can only volunteer to help her if she requires help. Mostly, I can sit and have tea with her as she tells me of difficulties or successes and offer what advice I can. It is what Dorothy does for me.
Returning to sea duty will take some adjustments. I was spoiled by shore duty with normal work times and weekends. I knew it was not permanent but I allowed myself to become accustomed to it. Behaving as if one's husband has a normal job is not a welcome thing when sea duty still looms in one's future.
I was asked by a young sailor's wife what it is like to have your husband leave so often. I told her it is a test of your character. A spouse must learn to function alone yet learn to allow the other to assume some of those functions when they are home. As time underway lengthens, it becomes easier to make all decisions without consulting your spouse. It is easy to be resentful when they attempt to resume some of their usual responsibilities thereby interfering with what has been working in their absence. Sailors are accustomed to making decisions. If they are part of command, they are accustomed to commanding and this can cause some difficulties between a couple if the sailor's spouse does not accept this will happen.
My husband will sometimes forget he is not onboard the ship and bring his natural command attitude home. I sometimes will look at him and reply "Excuse me?" Other times, especially after a long deployment, will tolerate it for only a slightly longer time but we will have a conversation of it. It is necessary to be able to speak of these things. Jared and I have been able to. Even as he moves higher in command and it becomes more difficult to separate the Navy and his family we talk of it. There is a certain level I am prepared to accept but I am not one of his sailors and will not be ordered about as such. Jared accepts this as well... especially if I have lapsed to Mandarin. ;-)
It is best to have these conversations earlier rather than later. Knowing what to expect after deployment or a shorter underway will help keep problems from occurring. It will not prevent all problems but it will minimize them. When issues arise, do not delay to discuss them or resentment can build and that is not healthy.
I can only volunteer to help her if she requires help. Mostly, I can sit and have tea with her as she tells me of difficulties or successes and offer what advice I can. It is what Dorothy does for me.
Friday, October 04, 2019
OK... I Will Roll With It
The first bummer of the tour is no Navy Ball for me. The ship is gone, so are other ships. I suppose I could go alone and I did consider it but I discovered I will not be alone in not going. We have decided we will have our own little party for the spouses left behind. And children will be welcome so there is no need for childcare. We will be miserable together. lol
I did not miss what is coming now. It is AC/Heating changeover time. For those who do not know, this is the time the military has decided it is no longer warm enough to warrant air conditioners and shuts them off. The outside temperature is irrelevant. It does not affect me as it does many others because I live off-base and may set my own preferred temperatures in my home. However, I must suffer with the rest when I utilize any public building on base. Sometimes it is not so bad but more often than not, the weather disagrees with the Navy's calendar of temperatures and so we must be uncomfortably warm. It is done again in spring time but then we must be uncomfortably cold if we are without sweaters and such. Autumn change is the worst though.
Chao lei has experienced his first face time with his father. He is not impressed. After being excited to speak to his father, in only a few minutes he was ready to return to his routine with no further thought. I attempted to sooth Jared for it. I know he understands his son is only 7 years and maybe a presume too much of his feelings but I know how I would feel should my son do so to me. Even with the requisite "I love you" and goodbyes, I would still feel hurt. I think in time, Chao lei will be more enthusiastic of our face time.
There remains no explanation for the so soon return of the ship but then again, I have no real need to know so why would they tell me? It gave me extra time with Jared and that is enough explanation for me. Hopefully the deployment will not last longer to replace those days in port.
All that remains to question now is how long? Our last time was 19 weeks before a short break then 8 more. I am happy I am not as some families must suffer longer deployments but I also know our family is separated more often. I am unsure if I would prefer the longer deployments over the more often deployments.
I did not miss what is coming now. It is AC/Heating changeover time. For those who do not know, this is the time the military has decided it is no longer warm enough to warrant air conditioners and shuts them off. The outside temperature is irrelevant. It does not affect me as it does many others because I live off-base and may set my own preferred temperatures in my home. However, I must suffer with the rest when I utilize any public building on base. Sometimes it is not so bad but more often than not, the weather disagrees with the Navy's calendar of temperatures and so we must be uncomfortably warm. It is done again in spring time but then we must be uncomfortably cold if we are without sweaters and such. Autumn change is the worst though.
Chao lei has experienced his first face time with his father. He is not impressed. After being excited to speak to his father, in only a few minutes he was ready to return to his routine with no further thought. I attempted to sooth Jared for it. I know he understands his son is only 7 years and maybe a presume too much of his feelings but I know how I would feel should my son do so to me. Even with the requisite "I love you" and goodbyes, I would still feel hurt. I think in time, Chao lei will be more enthusiastic of our face time.
There remains no explanation for the so soon return of the ship but then again, I have no real need to know so why would they tell me? It gave me extra time with Jared and that is enough explanation for me. Hopefully the deployment will not last longer to replace those days in port.
All that remains to question now is how long? Our last time was 19 weeks before a short break then 8 more. I am happy I am not as some families must suffer longer deployments but I also know our family is separated more often. I am unsure if I would prefer the longer deployments over the more often deployments.
Saturday, September 28, 2019
Now What?
The ship has left drydock. Now what?
I am hoping they remain long enough for the Navy Ball on October 5. The best news would be their slot has been satisfied with another ship so there is no need for us to go. Second best news is they will join the carrier group after the ball.
Since it is the navy, we do not know what will happen. They will do whatever they do.
I am hoping they remain long enough for the Navy Ball on October 5. The best news would be their slot has been satisfied with another ship so there is no need for us to go. Second best news is they will join the carrier group after the ball.
Since it is the navy, we do not know what will happen. They will do whatever they do.
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Secrets
The Navy is fond of them. I understand. There are things we do not need to know.
Jared returns to me early but cannot say why. Fortunately, the reason is not so important to me as is he is home for now. But here is the problem of secrets. Because I do not know and because he will not tell me, I now wish to know more than before. I will not ask of it, of course. I will watch news and haunt the ombudsman's office though awaiting the "official release" of the information.
I suppose my greatest concern is a safe condition of the ship. If my husband is to serve upon it, I wish to know he will do so and remain as safe from harm as one may be aboard a warship. I do not need to think something of the ship will fail and I will lose my husband.
Is it not ridiculous where a mind can go only because of not being told a thing? I know better of it because the Navy cares for its ships very well but still, withheld information causes me to doubt the safety of my husband's ship... for a moment.
Jared says it is possible he will not complete this tour aboard his current ship because of his completion of CNCS (command school). Also lending credit to this idea is the rumors of issues aboard another ship requiring a change of command and he is the sole graduate on the base without a ship. Of course, it is only a rumor.
I know this is a thing Jared wishes. I am not so sure of it. With each increasing level of responsibility, his time with us decreases. I know it is selfish of me to not want to give away that time. For instance, when a ship returns to port, the Captain is several hours aboard before he comes ashore. The best his family may hope for is a brief greeting at the foot of the gangway until his tasks are completed for the day. Most others with families are with their sailor within, at most, an hour.
The selfish part of this for it happening is with my family. To have a naval ship's captain in one's family is a high honor. I would have "bragging rights" among family and friends. My brother's wife, who has enjoyed a strong position among the family, would be removed from her position to be replaced by me. Yes, yes. I know. It is shallow of me but I do not care for her. She has very high opinion of herself and behaves as more than she is. It would serve her well to teach humility to her.
Meanwhile, I will focus now and enjoy the time with Jared until he departs again. Other thoughts are only fantasies until they are not so deserve little time. Today I will teach my classes and hope my students are willing to apply themselves to learning. Chao lei will attend his school and learn. Jared will do, well, whatever it is he is doing.
Jared returns to me early but cannot say why. Fortunately, the reason is not so important to me as is he is home for now. But here is the problem of secrets. Because I do not know and because he will not tell me, I now wish to know more than before. I will not ask of it, of course. I will watch news and haunt the ombudsman's office though awaiting the "official release" of the information.
I suppose my greatest concern is a safe condition of the ship. If my husband is to serve upon it, I wish to know he will do so and remain as safe from harm as one may be aboard a warship. I do not need to think something of the ship will fail and I will lose my husband.
Is it not ridiculous where a mind can go only because of not being told a thing? I know better of it because the Navy cares for its ships very well but still, withheld information causes me to doubt the safety of my husband's ship... for a moment.
Jared says it is possible he will not complete this tour aboard his current ship because of his completion of CNCS (command school). Also lending credit to this idea is the rumors of issues aboard another ship requiring a change of command and he is the sole graduate on the base without a ship. Of course, it is only a rumor.
I know this is a thing Jared wishes. I am not so sure of it. With each increasing level of responsibility, his time with us decreases. I know it is selfish of me to not want to give away that time. For instance, when a ship returns to port, the Captain is several hours aboard before he comes ashore. The best his family may hope for is a brief greeting at the foot of the gangway until his tasks are completed for the day. Most others with families are with their sailor within, at most, an hour.
The selfish part of this for it happening is with my family. To have a naval ship's captain in one's family is a high honor. I would have "bragging rights" among family and friends. My brother's wife, who has enjoyed a strong position among the family, would be removed from her position to be replaced by me. Yes, yes. I know. It is shallow of me but I do not care for her. She has very high opinion of herself and behaves as more than she is. It would serve her well to teach humility to her.
Meanwhile, I will focus now and enjoy the time with Jared until he departs again. Other thoughts are only fantasies until they are not so deserve little time. Today I will teach my classes and hope my students are willing to apply themselves to learning. Chao lei will attend his school and learn. Jared will do, well, whatever it is he is doing.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Hehehe
It seems there was an issue on board. The ship had returned and is in dry dock. I do not know what happened but I will not complain.
Saturday, September 21, 2019
It has begun
They are gone. *sigh*
Sometimes I think it better if they simply left without warning. It is then I remember my friend at Yokota. That is what she must bear with her husband. Here's goes to work in the morning then leaves with no notice to return whenever he returns; sometimes day, sometimes weeks. I think that would be too much shock for me.
I guess now is the time to do what must be done. At the least, Chao lei seems to do well... for now. We will see.
Sometimes I think it better if they simply left without warning. It is then I remember my friend at Yokota. That is what she must bear with her husband. Here's goes to work in the morning then leaves with no notice to return whenever he returns; sometimes day, sometimes weeks. I think that would be too much shock for me.
I guess now is the time to do what must be done. At the least, Chao lei seems to do well... for now. We will see.
Monday, September 16, 2019
I wonder...
During our last time here in Japan, the ship visited China. Since it was going to be there, Father and mother decided to go see the American ship since I am married to an American sailor. They had no idea it was the ship Jared was assigned to. What a surprise for them and Jared when he saw them on the dock. During liberty, they enjoyed a dinner together. Now I wonder if this will be repeated.
Last time was unfair. I was home eating my own cooking as Jared was with my parents eating mother's cooking. Me being pregnant did not encourage me to not think it unfair. I must admit though, Jared had his time of being jealous since mother did come to my house when the baby was due and cooked many meals for me while he was still underway.
As I prepare for this deployment, I think of these things. I ensure Chao lei spends as much time as possible with his father. I do not believe that his father will soon be gone has become a reality for him yet. He has been told of it but behaves as if it will be only another day in his life. It would be acceptable if that continues to be his attitude. I think facetime will become important for him soon enough.
I spend as much time as possible with Jared too. So much that we have been accused of being newlyweds. I am ok with that. I wonder though, why does us spending so much time together as a couple attract such comments? Especially from other Navy people, it is surprising since we share the times apart because of deployments and underways. It makes sense to me to spend extra time since we can be apart for weeks at a time and often. It is gentle teasing, I know. Sometimes my English causes me to pause and consider what I have heard. Sometimes that pause leads to thinking it more serious than what it is. Jesting or not, it does cause me to wonder why it is said though.
I will establish my routine again. I will do my best to set an encouraging example for others though I will likely be imperfect. Bear with me as I do this. And I realize I do not organize thoughts so well in English sometimes but my goal is to get those thoughts out of my head, not make sense. lol
Last time was unfair. I was home eating my own cooking as Jared was with my parents eating mother's cooking. Me being pregnant did not encourage me to not think it unfair. I must admit though, Jared had his time of being jealous since mother did come to my house when the baby was due and cooked many meals for me while he was still underway.
As I prepare for this deployment, I think of these things. I ensure Chao lei spends as much time as possible with his father. I do not believe that his father will soon be gone has become a reality for him yet. He has been told of it but behaves as if it will be only another day in his life. It would be acceptable if that continues to be his attitude. I think facetime will become important for him soon enough.
I spend as much time as possible with Jared too. So much that we have been accused of being newlyweds. I am ok with that. I wonder though, why does us spending so much time together as a couple attract such comments? Especially from other Navy people, it is surprising since we share the times apart because of deployments and underways. It makes sense to me to spend extra time since we can be apart for weeks at a time and often. It is gentle teasing, I know. Sometimes my English causes me to pause and consider what I have heard. Sometimes that pause leads to thinking it more serious than what it is. Jesting or not, it does cause me to wonder why it is said though.
I will establish my routine again. I will do my best to set an encouraging example for others though I will likely be imperfect. Bear with me as I do this. And I realize I do not organize thoughts so well in English sometimes but my goal is to get those thoughts out of my head, not make sense. lol
Monday, September 09, 2019
Sometimes...
Sometimes it is better to pretend to be happy than it is to actually be happy.
I find that the looming deployment date makes it more difficult to remain positive. I know I will survive it but that does not change my dislike of it. This deployment has the added uncertainty of how our son will react. He was not born yet the last time. This time, he is 6 years old and I know my attitude will affect his.
I can not assume my reactions this time will be as last time. I am not pregnant (so far) and I will not be alone. I have my son. He is not Jared but his snuggles do wonders for my outlook. I think perhaps he will keep me moving and working on snuggle power. Chao lei is a loving boy unafraid to shoe that love. He is not bashful to hug his mother as his friends watch. One of his friends teased him for it once and his reply was "Don't you love your mother?" Is there anything that could make a mother smile better than that?
I am working hard to remain positive. Jared knows I do not care for deployments so I need not make his time harder by making it obvious. I have a son that looks to me to see how to do this. I may have my little pity party and get it out of my system before I steel myself to what is but only after Jared is gone and when Chao lei is at school.
I can do this... again.
Wednesday, September 04, 2019
Pranks for the Day
It has begun.
Yesterday morning, Jared left this surprise for me. I nearly did not need the toilet
This morning, I dutifully prepared his lunch. I included many of his salty favorites: dill pickle chips, corned beef sandwich, some mixed nuts and, to help him quench his thirst from so much salt, I included a drink. He has a strange habit though. He eats everything before he drinks anything. It is too bad he will only discover his drink is not orange drink but is instead powdered cheese from boxed macaroni.
I do hope he enjoys his lunch.😈
The next one will involve assistance from a crew member.
Yesterday morning, Jared left this surprise for me. I nearly did not need the toilet
This morning, I dutifully prepared his lunch. I included many of his salty favorites: dill pickle chips, corned beef sandwich, some mixed nuts and, to help him quench his thirst from so much salt, I included a drink. He has a strange habit though. He eats everything before he drinks anything. It is too bad he will only discover his drink is not orange drink but is instead powdered cheese from boxed macaroni.
I do hope he enjoys his lunch.😈
The next one will involve assistance from a crew member.
Friday, August 30, 2019
It Is Not October Yet
Jared has always found a strange enjoyment of startling me. He is careful to not terrorize me. I would not tolerate that. It is usually only small things to make me jump or squeak; usually both. My reactions are apparently "cute."
Usually, his stunts to startle me are somewhat infrequent and, to a point, I have become accustomed to this. October, however, is his time to indulge. In his words, it is what October is all about. It is a spooky month deserving of many pranks.
I understand his view. But it is not October yet. Why is there a sudden urgency to behave as if it is? I am again forced to anticipate what prank will come next. I cannot open a cabinet door or blindly put my hand into my purse for fear of what will happen next. Will an airhorn sound if I sit down? What will happen when I enter my own home?
I wonder if it is because of the impending deployment and he is afraid he will miss something. I love that he plays with me and be sure I have given back as well as I have been given; imagine me setting a prank on the ship where I have no access and he thought himself perfectly safe. Now he knows better. I have 300 confederates. lol
The difference of us is he is incessant. I must build stress before I retaliate. I suppose the ratio is 3 or 4 to 1. My best are when he is where he believes himself safe and make up for having less pranks than he. My last on ship prank lasted for weeks before he could discover source.
I suppose I should consider that October has come early. If so, let my retaliation begin.
Usually, his stunts to startle me are somewhat infrequent and, to a point, I have become accustomed to this. October, however, is his time to indulge. In his words, it is what October is all about. It is a spooky month deserving of many pranks.
I understand his view. But it is not October yet. Why is there a sudden urgency to behave as if it is? I am again forced to anticipate what prank will come next. I cannot open a cabinet door or blindly put my hand into my purse for fear of what will happen next. Will an airhorn sound if I sit down? What will happen when I enter my own home?
I wonder if it is because of the impending deployment and he is afraid he will miss something. I love that he plays with me and be sure I have given back as well as I have been given; imagine me setting a prank on the ship where I have no access and he thought himself perfectly safe. Now he knows better. I have 300 confederates. lol
The difference of us is he is incessant. I must build stress before I retaliate. I suppose the ratio is 3 or 4 to 1. My best are when he is where he believes himself safe and make up for having less pranks than he. My last on ship prank lasted for weeks before he could discover source.
I suppose I should consider that October has come early. If so, let my retaliation begin.
Monday, August 26, 2019
Journey to Lake Okutama, Schools Begin
Jared and I decided a trip to Lake Okutama was in order. It was one of our favorite places to visit during the last tour. I see no reason why it should not be this time.
Our first stop was to get refreshments. It is a long drive. It was hot. This store has a large selection of things to buy. One must be careful of what they buy. It is easy to spend too much since this place is so close to the highway and prices are set for tourists. Still, it is interesting the things you can find here. I have always been curious who developed this name for a drink.
After getting our drinks we set out for our walk in the forest. To get there, one can drive around the lake but what fun is there in that? We decided to cross the lake on the foot bridge.
It is not too long of a walk but it adds to the experience. There is a longer bridge you could cross but it does not end where our hike was to begin. Having a small person with shorter legs with you causes you to keep things as close together as possible; unless you enjoy hear complaints of feet hurting and being tired.
It is worth the walk. It is peaceful. It has something that is rare in Japan when one is outside. It is quiet. One almost feels guilt for making any kind of noise. As we met others on the trail we passed in reverent silence only exchanging a light version of the customary bow.
It is sometimes difficult to return to hustle and bustle of our usual life after visiting here. I will seek this place often. Chao lei enjoyed this place too. It was and endless supply of interesting things for him. I must bring a bag of some kind bag to bring it all home for him next time. This time my hands were too full and Jared was required to carry some of his son's treaures.
It is good to have had this adventure at this time. Chao lei began first grade yesterday. If I am to judge by his excitement when he returned home, he enjoyed it very much. I believe it was far more traumatic for me than him. I spent the day with small moments of panic when I could not locate him despite the fact I took him to school. I am unaccustomed to a quiet day.
My silent days will end soon enough. University begins tomorrow so I will have two days per week, at the least, of students of my own. They will have their own questions and comments to fill my day. I only hope there are fewer of what I termed "schedule challenged" students this term. It never ceased to surprise me how unorganized and time foolish what otherwise intelligent students could be.
So we begin this part of our adventure. Schools begin and deployment looms. We will survive. lol
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Military Minute: On or Off
Do you prefer on- or off-post living, and why?
My preference for where I live is offpost.
When I am CONUS, housing is usually much better than what is on-base. There is variety in styles. This is important to me. I do not wish to live in a house that is a duplicate of another. Base housing tends to be a repetitive style. I prefer my house to be unique, inside and out. The cost is not usually very expensive. There is, at the least, a sense of “normal” living. And the rules are not as restrictive off-base as is on-base.
When I am OCONUS, my preference remains off-base, but conditions may influence where we live. The last tour in Japan, we began off-base. I loved my house. It was so beautiful. Its location made it impractical. It was far from the base. Jared wished to be closer but gave me my choice. It was unfair since he is the one who was required to drive so far, every day. Also, the distance to an American hospital proved later to be an important consideration. Its cost made it near unaffordable; almost $4000 per month. There was much I gave up living there. A move on-base was considered appropriate.
I cannot condemn the apartment towers that became our home. They were large and well-arranged but for us they were too much. A three-bedroom apartment has more space than can be used. Growing up in China has given me the tendency to prefer small homes that have plenty of room but not so much it is wasted. Giving birth to Chao lei helped us use more space but a two-bedroom apartment would have been more appropriate.
For this tour, we are off-base, and I cannot foresee a reason to live elsewhere. The location of our new house is very close to the base. I can walk to the gate in ten minutes, less if I am hurried. The rent is reasonable. A plus to living here is I am not required to play the politics. I can leave that on-base and live relaxed and peaceful with no worries of who my neighbor is and what rank they are. If you come to my house, please leave your rank on-base.
I do not intend to make our time here as horrible. It is the opposite. There are wonderful things to do, places to go and people to know. It is only easier to live when one minimizes the silly games some “adults” insist on playing. Living off-base allows me to do that.
If conditions are such that we find it necessary to move on-base, I will do as I need to and adapt to it. I can recreate the shelter from most all that is negative again. All that is important to me is I am where my family is. Everything else can be overcome but my preference remains to live off-base.
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Beginning Where We Ended... sort of
I have found Sakai. He was my house keeper before. So there is good news and bad news. Bad news... Sakai has retired. Good news... his daughter Miyuki has replaced him.
I know Miyuki from when she helped me care for Chao lei after he was born. She is very much as her father was in her attention to her duties. Her father is proud of her and that is all I need to hear to decide to employ her. Yes, I was spoiled the first time. I see no reason to not continue being spoiled. lol Also, her rates are as her fathers and very reasonable. She will come and do the major cleaning so I will be required to do is the daily upkeep.
I believe day care was a good choice for Chao lei. He seems to be making friends with other children that will attend class with him when school begins. One child is even from a family that is part of the ship. I think this will be good for them both once their fathers are deployed. They can go through the experience together and hopefully reassure each other.
As each day passes, I become more confident this tour will be better. Yes, we start with a deployment this time but that was coming anyway. It will just be done earlier than expected. There are too many other things that go very well to allow the negatives to control how I feel for this tour. Our time in Pensacola was only a brief respite. We are now home again.
I know Miyuki from when she helped me care for Chao lei after he was born. She is very much as her father was in her attention to her duties. Her father is proud of her and that is all I need to hear to decide to employ her. Yes, I was spoiled the first time. I see no reason to not continue being spoiled. lol Also, her rates are as her fathers and very reasonable. She will come and do the major cleaning so I will be required to do is the daily upkeep.
I believe day care was a good choice for Chao lei. He seems to be making friends with other children that will attend class with him when school begins. One child is even from a family that is part of the ship. I think this will be good for them both once their fathers are deployed. They can go through the experience together and hopefully reassure each other.
As each day passes, I become more confident this tour will be better. Yes, we start with a deployment this time but that was coming anyway. It will just be done earlier than expected. There are too many other things that go very well to allow the negatives to control how I feel for this tour. Our time in Pensacola was only a brief respite. We are now home again.
Friday, August 16, 2019
If this week is to be common, it seems I will only start where I stopped last time. Returning to the same ship helps to support that feeling. The only one of us that this is a new place is Chao lei and even then, it is not. He was born here. He only does not remember it. I have a new house but it contains my things so it is not as drastic a change. Jared has the same berth onboard. This does not please him. lol He often complained of it before.
The worst negative thing is we the impending deployment date. The ship will "earn its money" in a few weeks. The pre-deployment brief is only a two weeks from today. All of the accompanying events begin too such as "Financing and Deployments" classes.
What it really means is our sailors are going to be gone for several weeks. The last cruise Jared was on was 28 weeks. In my terms it was 2/3 of a pregnancy. Hopefully there will be no repeat of that time. I want another baby but I do not want to do it alone. Again.
The good thing of predeployment is our activity level increases. We take more excursions to the surrounding communities. I suppose it is a way to make up for his departure. I do not complain, mind you. I did pledge to see more of Japan this time and I am doing it with my two favorite people.
The last tour began with the ship in dry dock for two months, finishing repairs for another month and shakedown cruises for a couple more. It was an entire year before I had to endure deployment. This tour I begin with an underway and deployment. At the least, I have experience at deployments.
The worst negative thing is we the impending deployment date. The ship will "earn its money" in a few weeks. The pre-deployment brief is only a two weeks from today. All of the accompanying events begin too such as "Financing and Deployments" classes.
What it really means is our sailors are going to be gone for several weeks. The last cruise Jared was on was 28 weeks. In my terms it was 2/3 of a pregnancy. Hopefully there will be no repeat of that time. I want another baby but I do not want to do it alone. Again.
The good thing of predeployment is our activity level increases. We take more excursions to the surrounding communities. I suppose it is a way to make up for his departure. I do not complain, mind you. I did pledge to see more of Japan this time and I am doing it with my two favorite people.
The last tour began with the ship in dry dock for two months, finishing repairs for another month and shakedown cruises for a couple more. It was an entire year before I had to endure deployment. This tour I begin with an underway and deployment. At the least, I have experience at deployments.
Thursday, August 08, 2019
Good Day, Bad Day and Really Great Day
I love the Friendship Festival. It is as the base has converted to a carnival. Traffic is terrible; car and foot. It is wise to avoid the main gate if possible. It is fortunate for us that, this time, we live close to the Womble gate. The festival is primarily for adults but there were some activities for children. Chao lei had no difficulties being entertained.
The Child Development Center was not my friend. It was fortunate that Jared was not away since Chao lei needed to be retrieved from the center. I was at the university and unable to retrieve him so I called Jared and he was able to get away. The air conditioner stopped working so we were required to retrieve children. At 87° and 79% humidity, it was certainly a prudent call.
I admit, I am taking some time to adjust to the weather. When we first arrived it was not so warm. Now it remains at the upper 80's+ and cools at night to only the lower 80's. The humidity is what causes one to be uncomfortable. It remains in the 70%+ range. Why I am so uncomfortable is unknown. It is not as if Pensacola was much different. Perhaps riding the train with a million other people has something to do with it.
The Child Development Center was not my friend. It was fortunate that Jared was not away since Chao lei needed to be retrieved from the center. I was at the university and unable to retrieve him so I called Jared and he was able to get away. The air conditioner stopped working so we were required to retrieve children. At 87° and 79% humidity, it was certainly a prudent call.
I admit, I am taking some time to adjust to the weather. When we first arrived it was not so warm. Now it remains at the upper 80's+ and cools at night to only the lower 80's. The humidity is what causes one to be uncomfortable. It remains in the 70%+ range. Why I am so uncomfortable is unknown. It is not as if Pensacola was much different. Perhaps riding the train with a million other people has something to do with it.
I am surprised that my car is already known by many of the crew. I suppose it is because Jared has been driving it. What I know is, when I get out of the car with one of these...
… several crew members pay close attention and disembark the ship to see if there are more.
There were eight more trays awaiting them. There were supposed to be nine more trays but Jared took one tray this morning knowing the enlisted crew do not share well. I suspect I will receive ten empty trays tonight when Jared returns home. I will be happy when Dorothy's hhg arrive and she is able to help me with her cookie sheets and utensils. So my first cookie delivery is done. I am again Aunt Mei.
I may successfully start again where I ended the last tour. I have returned to Japan with my husband and son, I am returning to the university to teach and my sailors are my family again. Who would wish a different life?
Friday, August 02, 2019
It has been a productive week. First, I finished my directory project for the Ombudsman's office. Honestly, it was not a difficult project. It was only a directory. All that was required of me was to assemble all the information and make it pretty. They would have been satisfied with legible but I opted for attractiveness.
I have also become involved with the ship's welfare team again. Providing I am not forced to witness the same as last time, it should be a fulfilling activity. Visiting the families of the ship is important to me. Their morale suffers as much, if not more, when their spouse is under way. It is important to keep it up so those on ship can function with little worry of their families.
It also seems there are crew who have not changed since we were stationed here last and remember. I have been asked if I will return to baking for the crew, especially for the single sailors to help keep their spirits up. I have agreed. These single sailors are like my own and I care very much that someone remembers them. I am happy when I am greeted by them around the base and see their smiles.
My lesson planning is going well also. I am to have 2 morning classes. I will teach "Introduction to Probability for Computer Scientists" and "Programming Abstractions." These are first and second year courses so are not overly complicated to teach.
A very important difference has greeted us to Japan this time. The year in Japan is now “1” with the crowning of Emperor Naruhito.
The former Emperor of Japan, Akihito, is now the “Emperor emeritus” of Japan. He was coronated in 1989. The years since are referred to as the Heisei era. The number of the year of his reign was on all of my power bills. So, if it was 9/13/2008 (Written as in the USA) the Japanese would be 20/9/13. “20” being how many years the emperor had been ruling. This can be confusing when trying to determine when the power bill is due. I will adapt.
There is some to adapt to, much to readapt to and much exploring to be done before school begins. It seems we will leave Jared alone now and then since I will be teaching school and Chao lei will be attending school.
I have also become involved with the ship's welfare team again. Providing I am not forced to witness the same as last time, it should be a fulfilling activity. Visiting the families of the ship is important to me. Their morale suffers as much, if not more, when their spouse is under way. It is important to keep it up so those on ship can function with little worry of their families.
It also seems there are crew who have not changed since we were stationed here last and remember. I have been asked if I will return to baking for the crew, especially for the single sailors to help keep their spirits up. I have agreed. These single sailors are like my own and I care very much that someone remembers them. I am happy when I am greeted by them around the base and see their smiles.
My lesson planning is going well also. I am to have 2 morning classes. I will teach "Introduction to Probability for Computer Scientists" and "Programming Abstractions." These are first and second year courses so are not overly complicated to teach.
A very important difference has greeted us to Japan this time. The year in Japan is now “1” with the crowning of Emperor Naruhito.
The former Emperor of Japan, Akihito, is now the “Emperor emeritus” of Japan. He was coronated in 1989. The years since are referred to as the Heisei era. The number of the year of his reign was on all of my power bills. So, if it was 9/13/2008 (Written as in the USA) the Japanese would be 20/9/13. “20” being how many years the emperor had been ruling. This can be confusing when trying to determine when the power bill is due. I will adapt.
There is some to adapt to, much to readapt to and much exploring to be done before school begins. It seems we will leave Jared alone now and then since I will be teaching school and Chao lei will be attending school.
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Some Past Thoughts Reborn
My first name for this blog was “Chinese living in English.”
I thought that name suited me well given my status at the time. So many things
conflicted in life. I had my traditions from my family and from Chinese life
that were conflicting with my new American life. Many things I did not
understand and wrote about to discover a meaning for it. When I married, Jared
shielded me from much of the conflicts. As loving and well-intended as he was,
I did not care for that. How was I to learn if I did not confront them.
After all these years, nothing has really changed. The same
conflicts still arise, though they are less frequent or perhaps I do not notice
them. I find some that will dismiss me because of my gender, my size or my
ethnicity. It is always such a joy to be dismissed because you are viewed as
less than you are.
It used to be from men I mostly expected it. My return to
Japan has proven women are as bad, worse in some cases. I find that once again
I am shunned by unmarried women because I am mistaken for Japanese. The
antagonism is more common here than one would believe. I am at a loss to
explain this antagonism. I am not Japanese but Chinese. I am married and was
married before arriving.
I have often wondered if these women have ever evaluated
their own behavior to see if it may be their own fault these single men tend to
prefer the local women. There must be something common to them all. Attitude perhaps?
The Japanese women are believed docile and subservient to men. In some ways
this is true. They are quiet and somewhat docile. They do not seem as abrasive
as many of these American women. But neither are they push-overs that will
allow abuse. Seriously, would you rather be around a content kitten or a hungry
lion?
I have been told my opinion does not matter in this because
I am Asian. Perhaps, but I have one none-the-less. Many of these women behave
as if these men owe them something. Other than general respect, they owe
nothing. There is no commitment on their part that requires anything else.
After observing them, I have noted these same women who complain,
treat men as resources to be disregarded once their needs or desires have been
met. They have no reservations to allow him to pay for everything then behave
as if he is a stranger. They are demanding. Yet they are surprised when these
men ignore them preferring instead someone who wishes to share time with him
rather than be entertained.
I could be incorrect. I am a Doctor of Computer Science not a
psychologist. I only report what I see and conclude based on my experiences. I
just wonder if these American women who complain so loudly have ever wondered
if they changed their behavior to more closely match their “competition” they
could possibly improve their connections with these men.
I do not advocate a total adaptation of Japanese ways. Their
culture is not Japanese and will not accommodate many things from Japanese culture.
What I do advocate is a softening of attitude and more openness to sharing time
rather than demanding time.
Friday, July 26, 2019
Rediculous
It has been suggested to me again that it would be better to reside in base housing since living of base is inconvenient for them. I refuse this time.
First, my house is only a short walk away from the gate. It can be walked in 10 minutes. If you are a slow walker, possibly 15 minutes. I like this house and it is better than base housing by far. The rent is cheaper than our last house in Japan. Because of that, the financial incentive to move into base housing is not as convincing as the last time. It is large enough for us with room to spare so I may entertain with ease.
Second, I do not wish to suffer the risk "indignity" of living among enlisted families speech of last time. Honestly, if we shop together, eat in the same restaurants, send our children to the same schools, etc., how is it we cannot live in the same buildings? Some of these officer's spouses act as if enlisted families are beneath them and some enlisted families act as if officer's spouses somehow threaten them. I choose to live here and allow my husband's rank to be his. I will not hide his rank but neither will I volunteer it as if it would make a difference.
I will remain off base unless Jared and I decide otherwise. If we do decide to move on base, I will make sure to request the same as our last time so others may learn it will not harm anyone to be among officers or enlisted.
Certainly, there are games to be endured if one wants to do well. I only choose to play the absolutely necessary games and leave the rest to others.
"In other news..." Yuki has been released from the Vets office. She is not happy with our separation. That is the impression from her. She sits in the corner watching every move but makes no effort for cuddles. She has not eaten anything. As they say, "If looks could kill." She will settle soon enough. She has no choice anyway. lol
The Military Minute: Favorite & Least Favorite Parts of Military Life
I have been married to the Navy for 9 years as of today. I
have had many good things and a few bad but my most favorite thing of the Navy
is the life it provides me and my family. I have been forced to live outside my
comfort zone.
Being Chinese, I was raised with certain beliefs of how a
woman is to live and it is not as most American women have been raised to
believe. In my beginning of living in America I lived as any woman who is
unmarried lived. After my wedding, I attempted to continue living as I believed
would be expected. I cared for my house and my husband. But soon we were sent
to Japan with him being at sea often. I struggled in the beginning. It is not
that I was alone. It was not the first time. It was not the first time alone in
a country that was not mine. It was many new rules and the very different
lifestyle imposed by the military. It is difficult to be taught for your entire
life what a Chinese wife is to be then be in a place where that is no longer a
truth. Since I had no choice, I had to learn how to live as a Navy wife. I had
to learn a new way of living. Looking back, I would have it no other way and am
grateful for the experience. I have grown to be more than what mother taught
me. Not better than what she taught, only more. I continue to grow.
My least favorite part is probably a most common dislike. It
is my husband’s often departures to sea. Even that is not the worst part. The
worst is that I do not know when or what duration I must endure. We have only
recently returned to Japan but two days after my arrival Jared departed and was
gone for three weeks. I know there is another underway soon, “exact date TBA.”
Since I know I am not alone in my dislike of my husband’s
time away I will speak of my second most disliked thing of military life,
politics. Politics among the dependents/ranks is annoying. They are cliquish
first. I understand some is inevitable. I do not care for being told who I
should and should not have as a friend. In Florida it was not as evident but
overseas it is obvious. Because my husband is a Commander I am discouraged, not
forbidden mind you, only discouraged from associating with enlisted spouses.
Why? I understand fraternization rules for him, but I am not a Commander. I
have compromised since my behavior can affect him, but I still do not care for
it. I keep the “proper” relationship with families of the ship’s crew as best I
am able, but all others are my business.
I also do not care for “wearing a spouse’s rank.” Perhaps it
is because I do not know how to wield such perceived power effectively. I believe
it is because I do not wish to. I am proud of my husband for his choice of
career and I will fiercely defend him from those who believe otherwise but I
choose not to believe that his position somehow betters my own. His position
offers me a good life and I enjoy that life, but I am satisfied with who I am.
Respect I receive is respect I have earned and is not dependent on another.
Despite good and bad, I would trade this life I have chosen
for no other.
Friday, July 19, 2019
Home Again!
The ship and my husband returned to port in time for the command picnic. That is a good thing for multiple reasons. First, my husband is home! Yay! I usually do not require a reason to grasp my husband and hold him but is return after being underway only gives me more incentive.
Another reason their return was good is the family greetings dockside. The atmosphere is always happy. It will lift the spirits of even the most subdued person. I have often gone out to greet a ship that is not mine simply to improve my mood. The longer they are gone, the more joyful the occasion.
A third reason is the Command Picnic. How could we have the command picnic if the command is not here? How much of a party would it be with the command missing and only the families present? They made it and that is all that matters.
Now we return to full family routine. This is a system we (he) developed to help us live with him gone and with him home. Does it work? I suppose it does. When he is here, he does what he thinks is his job. When he is gone, I do what he thinks is his job. Admittedly, there are things that do await his return; changing the style of dinning room for instance. Other than those types of things, what needs to be done as a matter of routine are done by me.
All that is necessary for me to remember is Jared will not remain at home. He will leave again and he will return. There will be underways and we did not avoid the summer cruise so there remains that lengthy separation.
I prefer to think that Jared and I have grown up as a couple and as individuals. He will do as he does when he is home and I will do as I do when he is gone. Hopefully he will not feel less if I do "his" job occasionally. I will not feel slighted if he does "my" job occasionally. We will both do what needs to be done.
Another reason their return was good is the family greetings dockside. The atmosphere is always happy. It will lift the spirits of even the most subdued person. I have often gone out to greet a ship that is not mine simply to improve my mood. The longer they are gone, the more joyful the occasion.
A third reason is the Command Picnic. How could we have the command picnic if the command is not here? How much of a party would it be with the command missing and only the families present? They made it and that is all that matters.
Now we return to full family routine. This is a system we (he) developed to help us live with him gone and with him home. Does it work? I suppose it does. When he is here, he does what he thinks is his job. When he is gone, I do what he thinks is his job. Admittedly, there are things that do await his return; changing the style of dinning room for instance. Other than those types of things, what needs to be done as a matter of routine are done by me.
All that is necessary for me to remember is Jared will not remain at home. He will leave again and he will return. There will be underways and we did not avoid the summer cruise so there remains that lengthy separation.
I prefer to think that Jared and I have grown up as a couple and as individuals. He will do as he does when he is home and I will do as I do when he is gone. Hopefully he will not feel less if I do "his" job occasionally. I will not feel slighted if he does "my" job occasionally. We will both do what needs to be done.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Yet Another First... Again
Or maybe I should say the first in a long time. Still, it was another birthday with no husband to celebrate it with me. At the least, this time Chao lei is old enough to know what is happening. I will admit that I should have been ready since it is not the first time but this time was as lonely and painful as the very first time it happened despite my sons presence.This time there are no friends around me to distract from my husband's absence.
I know we will celebrate missed birthdays when Jared returns. They will more than make up for the real day. Still, I am not comforted. I suppose I became too accustomed to his presence during shore duty and was a bit spoiled. I became as one of those women whose husband does not regularly leave them on their own. Perhaps I became too dependent ;-).
I will adjust again. I have no choice in this. I will smile for Chao lei's sake. This is, after all, his first time without his father. He will look to me to learn how to react.
Most of my decorations are now in place. I feel much better with my things in my house. However, now that it is all in place, I find myself dissatisfied with some of it. My American style dinning room does not fit the house. It simply is not... right. I have considered traditional dinning room furniture. I am not so sure if Jared would approve of it. At the beginning, the novelty would make it tolerable but his height could make it tedious in a short time. I believe I will bare it until he returns so I may have his input. In that way, if he agrees to my idea, he has had his input and may not convincingly complain it after.
I have also considered replacing our bed with tatami mats. I have always been comfortable on them but again, Jared's height may make the impractical. The mats are generally not so large as to accommodate him without his feet protruding from the end. The mats that are very costly.
Perhaps I will just have to be satisfied with what I already have for a time. I may change my thoughts during the time I wait for Jared to return.
I know we will celebrate missed birthdays when Jared returns. They will more than make up for the real day. Still, I am not comforted. I suppose I became too accustomed to his presence during shore duty and was a bit spoiled. I became as one of those women whose husband does not regularly leave them on their own. Perhaps I became too dependent ;-).
I will adjust again. I have no choice in this. I will smile for Chao lei's sake. This is, after all, his first time without his father. He will look to me to learn how to react.
Most of my decorations are now in place. I feel much better with my things in my house. However, now that it is all in place, I find myself dissatisfied with some of it. My American style dinning room does not fit the house. It simply is not... right. I have considered traditional dinning room furniture. I am not so sure if Jared would approve of it. At the beginning, the novelty would make it tolerable but his height could make it tedious in a short time. I believe I will bare it until he returns so I may have his input. In that way, if he agrees to my idea, he has had his input and may not convincingly complain it after.
I have also considered replacing our bed with tatami mats. I have always been comfortable on them but again, Jared's height may make the impractical. The mats are generally not so large as to accommodate him without his feet protruding from the end. The mats that are very costly.
Perhaps I will just have to be satisfied with what I already have for a time. I may change my thoughts during the time I wait for Jared to return.
Saturday, July 13, 2019
In an Office
It seems strange to be in an office again. While we were in Florida I spent very little time in one. Now it seems I will spend much time in one.
The university has accepted my return to teaching. The difference this time is that I am not an intern working for her doctorate. This time I am an adjunct professor (Tokunin Kushi). Perhaps it will develop into full professor as I work.
I have 2 months to develop my classes. Since I have not neglected my field of study and these classes I have already instructed, this should not prove overly difficult. The most difficult thing I must do is adjust to the title, Doctor. Japanese university is not as American university. They are much more formal in how a teacher is addressed. In an American university one may hear a student address their instructor/professor with their given name. This is not so in Japan. A student could receive discipline over such a thing. I must be addressed as sensei, Xiang san or Hakase (this is a rare but acceptable way).
Now I must get my house in order and dispose of packing materials. My walls have been bare long enough.
The university has accepted my return to teaching. The difference this time is that I am not an intern working for her doctorate. This time I am an adjunct professor (Tokunin Kushi). Perhaps it will develop into full professor as I work.
I have 2 months to develop my classes. Since I have not neglected my field of study and these classes I have already instructed, this should not prove overly difficult. The most difficult thing I must do is adjust to the title, Doctor. Japanese university is not as American university. They are much more formal in how a teacher is addressed. In an American university one may hear a student address their instructor/professor with their given name. This is not so in Japan. A student could receive discipline over such a thing. I must be addressed as sensei, Xiang san or Hakase (this is a rare but acceptable way).
Now I must get my house in order and dispose of packing materials. My walls have been bare long enough.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
A new project
I have assumed a new project to occupy some of my time. Also, someone discovered my past work here in Japan and requested I do more.
It seems the Ombudsman's directories are outdated and "tired looking." The request is to update the web version and the paper version. It is to be simple to use meaning no menus to navigate to another menu (which the Navy seems fond of but is not user-friendly). If I build the way I was requested, our directory will be unique among the other units in that once you are on the directory page there will be little to frustrate you.
The Paper version is simple. Assemble the data and print it in an attractive, easy to read manner. I believe this paper version is for those few who reluctantly refuse to cease having something they can hold in their hands. I must admit, I do tend to pick up the closest paper reference before navigating around the web for my information.
I am not a luddite but I do tend to have books and notepads on hand. There is so much done on a computer by necessity that to hold a book or hand-write a note seems almost a guilty pleasure. I am often teased because I have several of them on my desk with even more in the drawers. I am always prowling for them. Even those responsible to pack my household goods made comments on the number of notepads in my desk drawers.
I await news from the university of a position there. If I am accepted to faculty there is a good chance I may occupy my old office. I am told it is unoccupied and remains in the color scheme I chose. I still possess the desk and furniture. We will see.
It seems the Ombudsman's directories are outdated and "tired looking." The request is to update the web version and the paper version. It is to be simple to use meaning no menus to navigate to another menu (which the Navy seems fond of but is not user-friendly). If I build the way I was requested, our directory will be unique among the other units in that once you are on the directory page there will be little to frustrate you.
The Paper version is simple. Assemble the data and print it in an attractive, easy to read manner. I believe this paper version is for those few who reluctantly refuse to cease having something they can hold in their hands. I must admit, I do tend to pick up the closest paper reference before navigating around the web for my information.
I am not a luddite but I do tend to have books and notepads on hand. There is so much done on a computer by necessity that to hold a book or hand-write a note seems almost a guilty pleasure. I am often teased because I have several of them on my desk with even more in the drawers. I am always prowling for them. Even those responsible to pack my household goods made comments on the number of notepads in my desk drawers.
I await news from the university of a position there. If I am accepted to faculty there is a good chance I may occupy my old office. I am told it is unoccupied and remains in the color scheme I chose. I still possess the desk and furniture. We will see.
Thursday, July 04, 2019
Firsts... Again
Today, Chao lei and I took our first walk around our neighborhood. We discovered two parks and a 7-Eleven. Our previous house did not have such a luxury as a 7-Eleven. It is the same as American stores in that it is open 24 hours. It is not the same in that what you will discover inside is different.
You will discover typical American style foods and typical Japanese style meals. These meals are very well prepared. There are no Slurpees to be had bit if you care for an iced coffee there are over 20 to choose from. Would you like wine? They have their own brand. No, it is not the same.
Our parks are typical Japanese neighborhood parks. They are small and very well maintained. They have small play structures with surprisingly comfortable benches so mothers may supervise their children for longer times. Chao lei was very pleased with these parks.
We also walked to the base. Not by intention but only in exploring the neighborhood. It is a pleasant walk. There were no unpleasant happenings at the gate as the first time. I am well practiced how to do it this time.
Perhaps we will only start again where we stopped the first time. I will make the best of this.
You will discover typical American style foods and typical Japanese style meals. These meals are very well prepared. There are no Slurpees to be had bit if you care for an iced coffee there are over 20 to choose from. Would you like wine? They have their own brand. No, it is not the same.
Our parks are typical Japanese neighborhood parks. They are small and very well maintained. They have small play structures with surprisingly comfortable benches so mothers may supervise their children for longer times. Chao lei was very pleased with these parks.
We also walked to the base. Not by intention but only in exploring the neighborhood. It is a pleasant walk. There were no unpleasant happenings at the gate as the first time. I am well practiced how to do it this time.
Perhaps we will only start again where we stopped the first time. I will make the best of this.
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