Some Past Thoughts Reborn

My first name for this blog was “Chinese living in English.” I thought that name suited me well given my status at the time. So many things conflicted in life. I had my traditions from my family and from Chinese life that were conflicting with my new American life. Many things I did not understand and wrote about to discover a meaning for it. When I married, Jared shielded me from much of the conflicts. As loving and well-intended as he was, I did not care for that. How was I to learn if I did not confront them.

After all these years, nothing has really changed. The same conflicts still arise, though they are less frequent or perhaps I do not notice them. I find some that will dismiss me because of my gender, my size or my ethnicity. It is always such a joy to be dismissed because you are viewed as less than you are.

It used to be from men I mostly expected it. My return to Japan has proven women are as bad, worse in some cases. I find that once again I am shunned by unmarried women because I am mistaken for Japanese. The antagonism is more common here than one would believe. I am at a loss to explain this antagonism. I am not Japanese but Chinese. I am married and was married before arriving.

I have often wondered if these women have ever evaluated their own behavior to see if it may be their own fault these single men tend to prefer the local women. There must be something common to them all. Attitude perhaps? The Japanese women are believed docile and subservient to men. In some ways this is true. They are quiet and somewhat docile. They do not seem as abrasive as many of these American women. But neither are they push-overs that will allow abuse. Seriously, would you rather be around a content kitten or a hungry lion?

I have been told my opinion does not matter in this because I am Asian. Perhaps, but I have one none-the-less. Many of these women behave as if these men owe them something. Other than general respect, they owe nothing. There is no commitment on their part that requires anything else.

After observing them, I have noted these same women who complain, treat men as resources to be disregarded once their needs or desires have been met. They have no reservations to allow him to pay for everything then behave as if he is a stranger. They are demanding. Yet they are surprised when these men ignore them preferring instead someone who wishes to share time with him rather than be entertained.

I could be incorrect. I am a Doctor of Computer Science not a psychologist. I only report what I see and conclude based on my experiences. I just wonder if these American women who complain so loudly have ever wondered if they changed their behavior to more closely match their “competition” they could possibly improve their connections with these men.

I do not advocate a total adaptation of Japanese ways. Their culture is not Japanese and will not accommodate many things from Japanese culture. What I do advocate is a softening of attitude and more openness to sharing time rather than demanding time.