New Year Without Me

A new school year has begun! It does not include me. I find myself struggling to find constructive things to do.

With our departure date in January, I am unable to accept a full-time teaching position' I am available for sub placements on a limited basis but since it is limited, I am at the bottom of the list to be called in. That leaves me with very little to do. Once again, my habits are proving not to be helpful in keeping me busy. My walls are already bare in preparation of movers boxing everything up. I have already reduced us to bare essentials even though there remains approximately four months before our HHG will be picked up.

Yes, there are appointments that will occupy some time and as we get closer to departure, they will occupy more time but for now I am getting bored. The children are fortunate they still have school to take up their time. At least we save a little money on daycare since I am home with Su all day now. There is planning of a 2^nd birthday party for her, (like that will take so much time). I suppose short trips should occupy our remaining time here.

We have traveled more here. Our last significant trip was to Casablanca, Morocco. We chose this trip for the Casablanca movie. We were a little disappointed there was not more to see of the movie scene locations but that is Hollywood for you.

“Rick's Cafe Americain” was recreated and one can feel they are in a familiar place if they watched the movie (we did just before the trip).

This place never existed in 1942 when the film is set. It is just a recreation of the movie scene but it is true to the set so much that one almost expects Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman to appear. Even the music is a match for the movie, piano music of the 1940's and 1950's each night.

It is located against the Medina of Casablanca, the traditional city center. It is a beautiful area to explore. One tends to preconceive what an area will look like based on the surrounding areas. I will be honest, I did not expect much. I expected dust and dirt made worse by heat but it was very clean and pleasant. It would seem Moroccans take great pride in their city.

It was a very pleasant trip that I wish we had done sooner so that we could do it again. I recommend you visit if the chance presents itself.

We will have short visits to local favorites before we leave, as many as we can fit in four months. My neighbors already plan a Fiesta de Despedida, a going away party, which I very much look forward to. Leaving Spain is eagerly awaited but at the same time is not since I must yet again say goodbye to friends.

At least some time is being filled with activity.

Getting Busy

Much of the work involved with a PCS is underway. My first contact was with the housing office in Charleston. We do not intend to live on base but it is better to be prepared for the unknown. It is good to have them for lease evaluations too. And if it is for no other reason, they are the best contact point for realtors. I have reached out to a few realtors already for coming vacancies. We will be looking at neighborhoods and their proximity to the base.

Of course, schools and daycare are being researched. I have made the decision to not seek full-time employment at a school. At best, I will apply for temp positions. This was a difficult decision since I enjoy teaching very much. Perhaps I will seek employment servicing someone's IT system.

Getting our budget planned tested my hair. Frustration led me to pull it often. Jared does not spend much money. How may things can one purchase aboard a ship that is underway? He has accused me of being frugal. These thing combined results in a healthy bank account. Still, it is too easy to overspend on unnecessary things during a PCS move especially when returning to CONUS. Never mind the urge to acquire a place to live that would really batter that healthy bank account. I prefer to keep the accounts healthy and prepared for emergencies.

The only things to do for now is to visit those last few places on our list. We have done Casablanca (to be posted later). We want to do the Madrid Zoo again so that Su sees it. I know she is young and will probably not remember much but there will be pictures for her to see. Besides, it is a good place to visit and we did not see it all during our last visit. We may even attempt to squeeze in another visit to England.

This summer will be a full schedule. It is amazing how much one packs a schedule at the end when one had years to do it.

We Have Orders!

 

Charleston is confirmed. Report date is in January 2027. It is an unusually long time from now but I will not complain since it gives me more time to accomplish my tasks. Since I have already begun the early planning of the change of command reception, it will be an unrushed process. 

The drawback of our arrival time is that we will be out of rotation sequence, meaning we will arrive alone rather than in a group of people PCS’ing at the same time. It does not change the assignment at all but makes it more difficult to find your “tribe.” At least, that s how it works OCONUS. It has been some time since we were stationed in the States so I could be mistaken about how it goes.

One hold up will be that I do not know who the replacement captain’s wife is. We should discover her name and reporting date in the next month of two. Then I will be able to begin coordinating events with her.

I have already informed the school that I will not be available for next school year. That makes me sad, I enjoy teaching high school very much. I have informed them I will be available for a limited time for substitute work though so it is not completely terrible.

The children are happy they need not learn another language to enjoy the new assignment. I am not sure how they will do though. Jun speaks a language that often includes words and phrases from English, Japanese,Chinese, and Spanish. Chao lei is not so linguistically confused but does, on occasion, slip in the non-English phrase now and then. Su may have issues in day care. We will see.

The PCS clock begins the countdown now. Let the games begin!

New Assignment?

We have a destination. There are no orders yet but Jared has discovered our next assignment.

NSA Charleston in South Carolina. It is a command position but it is a shore duty station for Jared. He is not pleased. No surprise. He is a man of the sea. It is said though, a well rounded career includes shore duty if one wishes to become an Admiral. Perhaps with this assignment, he can prove his worthiness for promotion.

For the family it means a (relatively speaking) normal life. The children will have their father to help them. Chao lei can ask his father for help on his homework rather than me. His father can answer those awkward budding teenage questions rather than me. The girls will be able to see their father to learn what a husband should be. They will have a better opportunity to be spoiled by their father rather than tolerate their practical mother. I will have a husband that is home every day. Of course, I have been told to be careful for what I ask for. For me it means that when things are being shot at ships, my husband is not there. He is with me. I will not wonder of his welfare while he is away since he will not be away. I will talk with him face to face, every day. I will be able to hold him every day.

Before our PCS though, we will travel to Casablanca. I have seen the movie. I wish to see if it resembles the real city at all. Probably not but it is a good excuse to go there. We will attempt to do some other trips too before we leave .I am not sure where they will be to.

How much time do we have to complete these trips? I do not know. There are no orders yet; only a note from the detailer stating our PCS destination. This kerfluffle in the gulf has upended rotation schedules so we do not even know when Jared will be relieved from his ship. The fun part of that is it is for me to organize the reception that follows the ceremony. That is difficult to do without that date. All of the planning must be given at least three months. I am able to preplan some things but until other factors are determined, I am at a standstill.

This delay of orders sets me on edge. There has been a threat of an extension of Jared's tour. I hope there is not one. I want us somewhere that I can reasonably expect that no one is shooting things at my husband and I will see him at the end of the day. The detailer's note gives me some hope but notes are not orders. They can vanish with no warning.

I will remain positive that orders are coming soon and we will return stateside soon. Another positive... promotion boards are soon and it is looking good.

It would seem I am not the mother Chao lei believes I should be. My personality is acceptable. At least, I assume it is since he says nothing of it. My appearance, however, is the matter in question.

I am not supposed to age. I am looking old, according to Chao lei. I am far from old. I am only 44 years old. According to him, I should look like a 20 year old K-Pop star.

Chao lei's AI version of me. :-/

 

I did not look like that even when I was that age. It is not that he thinks of me as ugly. I would just “look better.” His father approves of my current appearance so Chao lei will have to adjust his expectations.

On the husband front, he is home for now. I will take it and enjoy it while I may. Who can know when the next departure will be but I will not look forward to it. To be honest, I believe I preferred the South China sea area. There were tensions there, of course but it seemed more stable people were making the decisions. Perhaps it is because I am originally Chinese so I understand them better. There is a competition between nations that is carefully conducted since neither side wishes war. Peaceful overtures are common. My parents once had dinner in Beijing with Jared as the ship made a port call. I do not anticipate that occurring anywhere in the Gulf. They are two very different areas to operate in.

PCS orders should arrive soon. Where they are to should be known sooner. Meanwhile, there are rumors of Jared's tour being extended. I certainly hope it is not. I am done with Spain. It is not that Spain is a bad place. It is the areas the 5^th Fleet must operate.

I desire a stateside assignment again. Shore duty would not be a bad thing for me. We will see.

 

Sleep Is Elusive.

I admit, I have had difficulty in the past. When I first came to America, I had horrible insomnia. The changes in lifestyle were tremendous; culture shock being the greatest of them. The language only added to everything else. Not that I did not speak any English. But I only spoke English as taught by a teacher who had never visited an English speaking country. Because of that, I was left out of many conversations at first. My dictionary was my lifeline.

Then came the adjustments to being married. I fretted over what to do to be a good wife. Chinese traditions do not work well in a different culture. To complicate it further, I had to adjust to life in the US Navy, married to an officer (the social rules for an officer's spouse are different from an enlistee's spouse.) Being just me was not an option.

PCS can be an intimidating acronym . Especially the first one. Just as you develop your rhythm and identify your “tribe”, you are uprooted and must begin again. Because of weight limits, one must decide what is necessary and what is not. Living out of a suitcase is stressful for even a short time. Being alone in a new place is stressful. Add bored children to the mix and, well...

Now, for the first time,Jared's job is stressful. The whys are not important to anyone but me which is also a stressor since I want to scream about it but can not. The children's constant search for reassurance that Daddy is ok is difficult to live with. Most of the time I can only give them what I hope is true.

My own lack of faith is shining through. It would be easy to blame the stress on the children but it would be untrue. Yes, they add to it a little but the majority of it is my doing. During those quiet hours right after the children have gone to bed, I play “what if” games with myself. Bad idea, I know. My therapist says so but even she can not tell me how to stop it.

I suppose this is the part they warn you about. “Military members jobs are hazardous and can lead to different bad outcomes” they say. It is usually accepted as a fact superficially and you come to terms with it. Once things do become hazardous for real though, the terms change. Now it is more than just a cautionary tale that COULD happen. It is now what IS happening.

Now we will experience homecoming from an entirely different point of view.

New Year

Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) is here. The official day is Tuesday but the observance begins today and it lasts for seven days. For those who are curious, it is the Year of the Horse.

Traditions are numerous. First (and to some the most important) is thoroughly cleaning the house. It is not a simple tidying up. Having dirt anywhere is considered bad luck. Not that it brings bad luck but prohibits luck from coming into the house. Since my house now is a minimalist style, this is no as difficult as it was in previous years. When I bought my house, the first year was miserable to clean.

Another is hanging Duilian on the door posts. Duilian are red banners with poems written on them that express happiness and hopeful thoughts for the coming year.  

We will also hang red lanterns in our courtyard. You have probably determined by now that red is a lucky color in China. My wedding was red (that confused some family members lol). No Chinese bride would not have red in her wedding. We will also have extra green plants around since they symbolize wealth and good fortune.

 

I have also decided to give hongbao to not only my children but to my students also. I thought to introduce a small amount of Chinese customs to my students. Hongbao are small red envelopes that contain gifts, such as money or sweets. My students will receive envelopes containing chocolate coins. My children will receive money. I only have not decided if it will be Dollars or Euros. They will be happy with either I think. That they will have their extra money is all that is considered.

The Chinese population in Spain is actually quite large so there are festivities planned for the community at large. We will again spend the daay watching a parade and dragon dances while enjoying food booths offering traditional festival foods.

I believe it will be an enjoyable holiday this year. It will be our last so we will make of it what we can.

春节快乐 Happy Spring Festival, everyone!

21 Years a Citizen

 

Teaching is more difficult when your students are absent. Championship season takes my students away. This week it is wrestling in Germany. Next week it is basketball and cheer leading in Germany. I only have a couple of boys that will be gone but I have several girls that participate in cheer.

To make matters more difficult, Monday is an in service day for teachers and Friday is a school holiday. I suppose it could be more complicated. Besides, only a teacher could com[lain of time off, right? Lol

Today is the anniversary of my naturalization as a citizen of the US. I have been a citizen for 21 years and it still bothers me that some try to insist I accept the name Chinese-American. I am no longer Chinese. I am strictly American. I remain of Chinese ancestry of course but that is the part that is put into the mixing bowl to enrich the nation as a whole. I do not understand immigrants that insist to hold on to their original country of origin.

All of the immigration uproar at home causes me some concern as I plan a trip home this summer. I have heard the horror stories of an out of control ICE but dismiss most of it to being hyperbole. Still, most stories are based, at least in small part, on a kernel of truth. My answer is to carry my naturalization card and passport with me where ever I go and hope they are sufficient. They should be but then, I am told, the Navy wold descend on them with a vengeance.

Fortunately, I do not intend visiting an area with high ICE enforcement activity. The closest I will come to any is landing at the Portland airport. I plan a nice, quiet vacation with family and friends.

Military vs Civilian

 

There are things about military family life that are not the same as civilian families lives. For instance, when a civilian child participates in sports, it is usual to expect they will board a bus and travel to a city that is near to play their sport. Here at Rota, that same child would board a train, carrying a passport, to travel to another country to participate in their sport. I am missing students today that boarded a train to travel to Weisbaden, Germany for their sport.

My children do not ride a big yellow bus to school. When I am unavailable, they ride in a in a taxi. Yes, they could ride a public bus but that gets them to the main gate then leaves them walking 3 miles to reach the school. Also, the bus does not travel early enough to allow the walk. I look forward to that big yellow bus when we are stationed stateside.

Making friends tends to be somewhat easier in the military than as a civilian. We tend to have much more immediately in common with each other. That is not to say you will click with everyone. Personalities remain unique and not all blend well but common ground seems to keep thing a little more peaceful. The drawback is these friendships tend to be more fleeting. A PCS is a friendship killer. Friends that survive a PCS are rare.

Your community is different. The ship's crew becomes our family much like a small town of 300 would be. We depend on each other for so many things. If a new spouse is having difficulties, it will be people from the ship's crew and families that respond. We provide transportation to newcomers awaiting licensing and car purchase. Rarely do we call on another ship's family to aid our own.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a civilian neighbor? Much of the time they do not understand what your saying. We tend to descend into anagrams and military slang without thinking of it. With military families, I can have simple conversation. In a conversation with a civilian, I must remember to speak civilian English.

A civilian spouse usually has a good idea of where their spouse is or when they will return. Me? Not so much. Jared can leave at 0800 and not return for 3+ months. Where is he? “We cannot tell you.” When will he be home? “We cannot tell you.” We must settle for , Is he ok? “Yes.”

Would I change it? If I could, yes, a little. I would make it easier on families. The Navy gives us so many things we otherwise would never get or do so this is not a complaint. It just one of those things I post to shake the negatives out of my mind.

I Am Tired But I Am Not Giving Up

I have never thought of myself as a negative person. I tend to be positive in most situations. But there is a reality I must deal with often while living this Navy life. Negative self-talk. It has a way of getting inside your head. The tired and weary thoughts become commonplace. Before long, you are wondering if military life is really for you.

Some days, you genuinely want to quit. I mean, with all the deployments, PCS moves and career challenges, who would not want to quit at some point? Quite often, I feel like I am a single parent that has a boyfriend that occasionally visits and believes he has an opinion of raising children that matters.

This is exactly why shifting my perception is so important; it is my path to thriving. Tired is always going to be there. Yes, weary too. They are inescapable. Dwelling on them simply makes my life miserable. Our children suffer enough without me adding to their stresses.

What is needed is a simple, yet highly effective way to remember the important things. To help me remember what I am capable of. To know that I have totally got this. Even when it feels like I can not breathe.

This is my solution. Simple and looks over-simplified. Perhaps it is but there is science behind it and it has proven effective for me.

Positive affirmation cards. They have helped me stay on track and feel encouraged on those really tough days. I put them on my bedroom mirror, in my car and inside my purse. Each time I see the affirmation, I close my eyes and say it aloud three times.

When I first began, it seemed rather silly but I was determined to give an honest effort. After about a month, I felt less stressed, more content with military life, and most importantly, I started to shift my perception. Instead of tidal waves crashing over me, I saw a few ripples in the water.

When Jared announced another trip, I hesitated, but I did not carry around the frustration for days afterward that I used to.

That was a huge positive change for me. I now recommend to any spouse who tells me of the inevitable exhaustion of the op tempo to do at least try this method. I even offer up my cards to print on their own computers.

I know it sounds overly simple but sometimes, simple is the answer to overcome the complicated.

Holiday is Over

 

It has been a good holiday for us. Jared made it home for Christmas. We were not sure that would happen so it was an extra blessing. It has been a gamble. We had him this year. We did not last year, we did the year before, we did not the year before that, we … well... you get the point. It is good enough to say we had him this year.

It is difficullt to have very many family traditions that include Jared. Something I enjoy tremendously is sitting with him on Christmas morning watching the children open gifts. Sometime I think Jared is more surprised at what he got them than they are. I should probably better inform him of that. Lol

I have been rather attached to Jared since he has been home. There is no telling how much time we will have before he sails again and school resumes tomorrow. I confess. Retirement for Jared looks good to me and he is mere weeks from eligible but there have been no discussions of it so...

Out next assignment is on the horizon though and much to Jared's disappointment, it will likely be a shore assignment. I will not complain. It would be good to have a “normal” life at least for a short time. Jared is not a fan of serving ashore but he will concede the necessity of it for a well rounded career. Let the assignment shopping begin!

The children are becoming curious as to where we will live next. I tell them it will be a place they have never lived before except for Chao lei but he was too young to remember. Jun wishes to start language classes to prepare for the move. “America speaks English” I tell her. She seems disappointed. She will have to be content with speaking her Japanese/Spanish/English hybrid she speaks now. Or perhaps she can learn to use each of those separately and at the correct moments.

I tend to believe that after Jared retires, we will find ourselves completely at a loss for what to do. What will our new normal look like? With no mention of retirement, I suppose we should not dwell on it to much for now. It makes no sense to stress when there is nothing to stress about yet.