There are new wives aboard and they are beginning to display frustration with their lifestyle. It is understandable. The military is far different than any other and each service has its own quirks. I will speak to the Navy's since they are what I know but I suspect they will appear in other branches too.
One wife I have been speaking with is bored and second guessing her choice. For her I say pursue things that interest you. Discover or renew an interest in a hobby. It only need be a thing that goes where you go. Attend school. An idea is Japanese language classes. Expand your mind while working toward a goal. During our last assignment here, I returned to school to attain my doctorate. That kept me aware of my own worth and to prioritize time for me.
Another wife worries of leaving the base fearing she will become lost. First, most Japanese police speak English. So do most younger Japanese but they resist fearing they will speak it incorrectly. See the previous paragraph for an answer to that fear. Do whatever it takes to enjoy your tour. Yokosuka is a beautiful base with much to do, both on and off base. Your choice is to be miserable for four years or four years happy.
Seek out a support system. I am not sure what other ships do but our families tend to spend a considerable time together. It is easy to find guidance to surviving the Navy life. As they say, I have been there and done that. I am more than willing to help someone that requires it. So are most other spouses aboard.
Get involved with your military community. Getting involved in the civilian community is nice but it does not prepare you for military life. It helps to build relationships so you have the support when you really need it. Civilian wives can be sympathetic but cannot understand the military spouse's lifestyle.
Yes. Deployments are a hard thing to live through. I hate them but they are part of this life I have chosen. It is easy to allow them to drag you down. They are not all bad though. They are an opportunity to invest in yourself. Take a course. Learn a language. It is simple things that get us through. Put a plan is place on how to survive it.
Where there are deployments, there are also homecomings. These can be as difficult as the deployments. Learning to reconnect and be family again is the most difficult part. This is normal. At the least, for me it has been. I found myself trying to be silent on Jared's return as he learned what I already new and then getting frustrated because he did not know what I already knew. It is a steady effort to come back together again after a deployment. Expect it. It is normal.
Become a planner. Things will go easier that way. Once you have become good at planning, never expect your plans will actually happen. Military life is not stable and can change at a moments notice.
One thing none of us want to think or talk about is, "What if something happens to my spouse?" It is the military so the possibility is definitely there and we must be as prepared for that possibility as we can be. To make things easier in the event something does happen is make sure all your legal papers are in order and in a safe: power of attorney, wills, life insurance, etc.
Your attitude is everything. Keep a positive one. Be flexible. Learning to adapt to the constant changes is your best tool for surviving military life.
Most important to remember... You are not alone. You are part of the military family.
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
Monday, October 21, 2019
Students Return
Mid-term break is over for students. I am afraid some will not be pleased with mid-term results and I must say I am surprised and disappointed in some of their performances.
As classes go, grades are meeting expectations. The majority are doing well. I am only surprised by some individual performances. Students that I expected to perform well did not. Some that I expected to perform poorly excelled.
The former I do not understand. These students displayed a very good understanding of the subject matter in class. Their weekly assignments were done well but their mid-terms were deplorable. It is almost as if someone else that was unfamiliar with the subject did the work for them. At the least, I expected passing work to be done.
I do not enjoy failing students. Sometimes I feel it is part my failure as their teacher. Perhaps I did not communicate well with them. I simply cannot understand how they performed so well in class but failed in their exams. I suppose conversations must be had to determine the reasons and to overcome them.
I cannot explain latter either, though I am pleased with them. These students seemed to struggle in class yet performed brilliantly on their exams. It is these students who challenge my thinking of my failure as a teacher.
It is a challenge to teach here. The course being taught determines the language to be used. I teach an English language class and must use English and Japanese and, on occasion, Cantonese. I teach computer science classes where I must use Japanese, English and Madarin. At times it is difficult to remember what language I should be speaking to teach.
It is common during the school year that I begin thinking it would be easiest to stay home and teach Chao lei. He is an easy student. I could only wish university students were as easy.
As classes go, grades are meeting expectations. The majority are doing well. I am only surprised by some individual performances. Students that I expected to perform well did not. Some that I expected to perform poorly excelled.
The former I do not understand. These students displayed a very good understanding of the subject matter in class. Their weekly assignments were done well but their mid-terms were deplorable. It is almost as if someone else that was unfamiliar with the subject did the work for them. At the least, I expected passing work to be done.
I do not enjoy failing students. Sometimes I feel it is part my failure as their teacher. Perhaps I did not communicate well with them. I simply cannot understand how they performed so well in class but failed in their exams. I suppose conversations must be had to determine the reasons and to overcome them.
I cannot explain latter either, though I am pleased with them. These students seemed to struggle in class yet performed brilliantly on their exams. It is these students who challenge my thinking of my failure as a teacher.
It is a challenge to teach here. The course being taught determines the language to be used. I teach an English language class and must use English and Japanese and, on occasion, Cantonese. I teach computer science classes where I must use Japanese, English and Madarin. At times it is difficult to remember what language I should be speaking to teach.
It is common during the school year that I begin thinking it would be easiest to stay home and teach Chao lei. He is an easy student. I could only wish university students were as easy.
Thursday, October 17, 2019
Friday
I know it is not your Friday but it is mine. ;-)
It always irritates me that I cannot break myself fromfollowing Jared's routines even when he is not here. It is Friday morning yet I find myself awake and unable to return to sleep because that is not the routine. I envy Chao lei since he seems able to overcome it easily. He is sleeping peacefully while I struggle to think of what to do with myself.
So far, I have prepared my self breakfast. I chose jianbing. It is simple pancake and egg. I thought of congee but did not feel patient enough to prepare it. It is not difficult to make but it takes more time. An advantage is, I have the ingredients ready for Chao lei when he wakes.
With my breakfast complete, there are a few hours before I have anything I need to do and that is ready Chao lei for school. After that, my day is empty. I am not accustomed to having nothing to do. Dorothy is not here so I am unable to do anything with her. Shopping alone is not enjoyable. There is only so much walking to be done, especially with the rain. My violin can only be played so much.
I must return to my habits of our last sea duty. I cannot believe I am saying this but I hope there are no more breaks in sea duty. Changing from sea to shore and back is more difficult that I would have imagined. I will settle for sea duty only. At the least then, I can become settled to my routine.
It always irritates me that I cannot break myself fromfollowing Jared's routines even when he is not here. It is Friday morning yet I find myself awake and unable to return to sleep because that is not the routine. I envy Chao lei since he seems able to overcome it easily. He is sleeping peacefully while I struggle to think of what to do with myself.
So far, I have prepared my self breakfast. I chose jianbing. It is simple pancake and egg. I thought of congee but did not feel patient enough to prepare it. It is not difficult to make but it takes more time. An advantage is, I have the ingredients ready for Chao lei when he wakes.
With my breakfast complete, there are a few hours before I have anything I need to do and that is ready Chao lei for school. After that, my day is empty. I am not accustomed to having nothing to do. Dorothy is not here so I am unable to do anything with her. Shopping alone is not enjoyable. There is only so much walking to be done, especially with the rain. My violin can only be played so much.
I must return to my habits of our last sea duty. I cannot believe I am saying this but I hope there are no more breaks in sea duty. Changing from sea to shore and back is more difficult that I would have imagined. I will settle for sea duty only. At the least then, I can become settled to my routine.
Sunday, October 13, 2019
Another Storm Over
We have survived another storm. As storms go, this one being a super-typhoon, it could have been worse. There was some damage but not much. There was more from our last storm which was not a super-typhoon. We were much better than other places. Ichihara had a tornado that killed one person and did damages. Hachioji, south of us received 37" of rain. It could have been much worse for us.
Knowing you are not in serious danger helps to view the storm as an interesting thing to watch. Chao lei and I simply sat in our living room and watched the storm pass. It was noisy from the wind and we only saw small trash blow by. I only hope that Chao lei does not consider typhoons nothing to fear because of this storm. I tell him we were only fortunate this time. It may not be so during the next one.
The bad thing of rising in command is one becomes "essential personnel" more often. Apparently Jared was needed to watch the ship bounce off of the dock during the storm. I understand it. What if the mooring broke and the ship was free to be blown about the port? There must be someone to blame and an enlisted sailor just will not do. lol I am surprised they did not anchor in Sagami Bay as in the last storm.
The storm has passed and we are back to our "at home" routine. Who knows when we will change to our "underway" routine. The good thing is, our little difficulty that brought us back has caused us to fall from the deployment schedule. This does not mean Jared will not be gone. It only means he will be gone more often but for shorter periods of time.
All that remains is to raise Chao lei, teach my classes and do what I am needed to do for our families. None of us can live this life alone and some of us have more experience living it. It is only right that we share our knowledge.
Knowing you are not in serious danger helps to view the storm as an interesting thing to watch. Chao lei and I simply sat in our living room and watched the storm pass. It was noisy from the wind and we only saw small trash blow by. I only hope that Chao lei does not consider typhoons nothing to fear because of this storm. I tell him we were only fortunate this time. It may not be so during the next one.
The bad thing of rising in command is one becomes "essential personnel" more often. Apparently Jared was needed to watch the ship bounce off of the dock during the storm. I understand it. What if the mooring broke and the ship was free to be blown about the port? There must be someone to blame and an enlisted sailor just will not do. lol I am surprised they did not anchor in Sagami Bay as in the last storm.
The storm has passed and we are back to our "at home" routine. Who knows when we will change to our "underway" routine. The good thing is, our little difficulty that brought us back has caused us to fall from the deployment schedule. This does not mean Jared will not be gone. It only means he will be gone more often but for shorter periods of time.
All that remains is to raise Chao lei, teach my classes and do what I am needed to do for our families. None of us can live this life alone and some of us have more experience living it. It is only right that we share our knowledge.
Tuesday, October 08, 2019
They are back
The ship has returned. It is unknown how long though. I suppose we will enjoy what time there is while we may. I cannot say I am disappointed that we missed the fleet deployment. It does mean there will be more short underways but that is better than months of separation.
Returning to sea duty will take some adjustments. I was spoiled by shore duty with normal work times and weekends. I knew it was not permanent but I allowed myself to become accustomed to it. Behaving as if one's husband has a normal job is not a welcome thing when sea duty still looms in one's future.
I was asked by a young sailor's wife what it is like to have your husband leave so often. I told her it is a test of your character. A spouse must learn to function alone yet learn to allow the other to assume some of those functions when they are home. As time underway lengthens, it becomes easier to make all decisions without consulting your spouse. It is easy to be resentful when they attempt to resume some of their usual responsibilities thereby interfering with what has been working in their absence. Sailors are accustomed to making decisions. If they are part of command, they are accustomed to commanding and this can cause some difficulties between a couple if the sailor's spouse does not accept this will happen.
My husband will sometimes forget he is not onboard the ship and bring his natural command attitude home. I sometimes will look at him and reply "Excuse me?" Other times, especially after a long deployment, will tolerate it for only a slightly longer time but we will have a conversation of it. It is necessary to be able to speak of these things. Jared and I have been able to. Even as he moves higher in command and it becomes more difficult to separate the Navy and his family we talk of it. There is a certain level I am prepared to accept but I am not one of his sailors and will not be ordered about as such. Jared accepts this as well... especially if I have lapsed to Mandarin. ;-)
It is best to have these conversations earlier rather than later. Knowing what to expect after deployment or a shorter underway will help keep problems from occurring. It will not prevent all problems but it will minimize them. When issues arise, do not delay to discuss them or resentment can build and that is not healthy.
I can only volunteer to help her if she requires help. Mostly, I can sit and have tea with her as she tells me of difficulties or successes and offer what advice I can. It is what Dorothy does for me.
Returning to sea duty will take some adjustments. I was spoiled by shore duty with normal work times and weekends. I knew it was not permanent but I allowed myself to become accustomed to it. Behaving as if one's husband has a normal job is not a welcome thing when sea duty still looms in one's future.
I was asked by a young sailor's wife what it is like to have your husband leave so often. I told her it is a test of your character. A spouse must learn to function alone yet learn to allow the other to assume some of those functions when they are home. As time underway lengthens, it becomes easier to make all decisions without consulting your spouse. It is easy to be resentful when they attempt to resume some of their usual responsibilities thereby interfering with what has been working in their absence. Sailors are accustomed to making decisions. If they are part of command, they are accustomed to commanding and this can cause some difficulties between a couple if the sailor's spouse does not accept this will happen.
My husband will sometimes forget he is not onboard the ship and bring his natural command attitude home. I sometimes will look at him and reply "Excuse me?" Other times, especially after a long deployment, will tolerate it for only a slightly longer time but we will have a conversation of it. It is necessary to be able to speak of these things. Jared and I have been able to. Even as he moves higher in command and it becomes more difficult to separate the Navy and his family we talk of it. There is a certain level I am prepared to accept but I am not one of his sailors and will not be ordered about as such. Jared accepts this as well... especially if I have lapsed to Mandarin. ;-)
It is best to have these conversations earlier rather than later. Knowing what to expect after deployment or a shorter underway will help keep problems from occurring. It will not prevent all problems but it will minimize them. When issues arise, do not delay to discuss them or resentment can build and that is not healthy.
I can only volunteer to help her if she requires help. Mostly, I can sit and have tea with her as she tells me of difficulties or successes and offer what advice I can. It is what Dorothy does for me.
Friday, October 04, 2019
OK... I Will Roll With It
The first bummer of the tour is no Navy Ball for me. The ship is gone, so are other ships. I suppose I could go alone and I did consider it but I discovered I will not be alone in not going. We have decided we will have our own little party for the spouses left behind. And children will be welcome so there is no need for childcare. We will be miserable together. lol
I did not miss what is coming now. It is AC/Heating changeover time. For those who do not know, this is the time the military has decided it is no longer warm enough to warrant air conditioners and shuts them off. The outside temperature is irrelevant. It does not affect me as it does many others because I live off-base and may set my own preferred temperatures in my home. However, I must suffer with the rest when I utilize any public building on base. Sometimes it is not so bad but more often than not, the weather disagrees with the Navy's calendar of temperatures and so we must be uncomfortably warm. It is done again in spring time but then we must be uncomfortably cold if we are without sweaters and such. Autumn change is the worst though.
Chao lei has experienced his first face time with his father. He is not impressed. After being excited to speak to his father, in only a few minutes he was ready to return to his routine with no further thought. I attempted to sooth Jared for it. I know he understands his son is only 7 years and maybe a presume too much of his feelings but I know how I would feel should my son do so to me. Even with the requisite "I love you" and goodbyes, I would still feel hurt. I think in time, Chao lei will be more enthusiastic of our face time.
There remains no explanation for the so soon return of the ship but then again, I have no real need to know so why would they tell me? It gave me extra time with Jared and that is enough explanation for me. Hopefully the deployment will not last longer to replace those days in port.
All that remains to question now is how long? Our last time was 19 weeks before a short break then 8 more. I am happy I am not as some families must suffer longer deployments but I also know our family is separated more often. I am unsure if I would prefer the longer deployments over the more often deployments.
I did not miss what is coming now. It is AC/Heating changeover time. For those who do not know, this is the time the military has decided it is no longer warm enough to warrant air conditioners and shuts them off. The outside temperature is irrelevant. It does not affect me as it does many others because I live off-base and may set my own preferred temperatures in my home. However, I must suffer with the rest when I utilize any public building on base. Sometimes it is not so bad but more often than not, the weather disagrees with the Navy's calendar of temperatures and so we must be uncomfortably warm. It is done again in spring time but then we must be uncomfortably cold if we are without sweaters and such. Autumn change is the worst though.
Chao lei has experienced his first face time with his father. He is not impressed. After being excited to speak to his father, in only a few minutes he was ready to return to his routine with no further thought. I attempted to sooth Jared for it. I know he understands his son is only 7 years and maybe a presume too much of his feelings but I know how I would feel should my son do so to me. Even with the requisite "I love you" and goodbyes, I would still feel hurt. I think in time, Chao lei will be more enthusiastic of our face time.
There remains no explanation for the so soon return of the ship but then again, I have no real need to know so why would they tell me? It gave me extra time with Jared and that is enough explanation for me. Hopefully the deployment will not last longer to replace those days in port.
All that remains to question now is how long? Our last time was 19 weeks before a short break then 8 more. I am happy I am not as some families must suffer longer deployments but I also know our family is separated more often. I am unsure if I would prefer the longer deployments over the more often deployments.
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