There are new wives aboard and they are beginning to display frustration with their lifestyle. It is understandable. The military is far different than any other and each service has its own quirks. I will speak to the Navy's since they are what I know but I suspect they will appear in other branches too.
One wife I have been speaking with is bored and second guessing her choice. For her I say pursue things that interest you. Discover or renew an interest in a hobby. It only need be a thing that goes where you go. Attend school. An idea is Japanese language classes. Expand your mind while working toward a goal. During our last assignment here, I returned to school to attain my doctorate. That kept me aware of my own worth and to prioritize time for me.
Another wife worries of leaving the base fearing she will become lost. First, most Japanese police speak English. So do most younger Japanese but they resist fearing they will speak it incorrectly. See the previous paragraph for an answer to that fear. Do whatever it takes to enjoy your tour. Yokosuka is a beautiful base with much to do, both on and off base. Your choice is to be miserable for four years or four years happy.
Seek out a support system. I am not sure what other ships do but our families tend to spend a considerable time together. It is easy to find guidance to surviving the Navy life. As they say, I have been there and done that. I am more than willing to help someone that requires it. So are most other spouses aboard.
Get involved with your military community. Getting involved in the civilian community is nice but it does not prepare you for military life. It helps to build relationships so you have the support when you really need it. Civilian wives can be sympathetic but cannot understand the military spouse's lifestyle.
Yes. Deployments are a hard thing to live through. I hate them but they are part of this life I have chosen. It is easy to allow them to drag you down. They are not all bad though. They are an opportunity to invest in yourself. Take a course. Learn a language. It is simple things that get us through. Put a plan is place on how to survive it.
Where there are deployments, there are also homecomings. These can be as difficult as the deployments. Learning to reconnect and be family again is the most difficult part. This is normal. At the least, for me it has been. I found myself trying to be silent on Jared's return as he learned what I already new and then getting frustrated because he did not know what I already knew. It is a steady effort to come back together again after a deployment. Expect it. It is normal.
Become a planner. Things will go easier that way. Once you have become good at planning, never expect your plans will actually happen. Military life is not stable and can change at a moments notice.
One thing none of us want to think or talk about is, "What if something happens to my spouse?" It is the military so the possibility is definitely there and we must be as prepared for that possibility as we can be. To make things easier in the event something does happen is make sure all your legal papers are in order and in a safe: power of attorney, wills, life insurance, etc.
Your attitude is everything. Keep a positive one. Be flexible. Learning to adapt to the constant changes is your best tool for surviving military life.
Most important to remember... You are not alone. You are part of the military family.
Mei, this is such fantastic advice! You are so right...attitude truly is everything. It's a matter of perception, above all else. Sure, deployments come with challenges, but you can choose to let those challenges break you or strengthen you.
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