Loss at Sea

A sailor has died aboard the USS Essex. We have not been told details. Only he has died as a result of an accident during a system test.

I am surprised by the reaction of the base as a whole. It seems that each family has lost a loved one. I am familiar with those who sympathize for the loss. Here it seems they share the grief as it were their own. I have seen many wives crying for it. Even Lt is solemn.

I have not felt this way. I believe myself to be a kind person. I do not believe myself incapable of feeling as these others are for someone who is not my family or friend.

I believe I have not experienced this emotion is because I have not been a Navy wife long. I sympathize with the family for their loss to be sure. But I have not experienced the Navy to its fullest. I have not endured deployment or under way as others have. Aside from the uniforms and location, nothing has changed for my life with Lt. I have only needed to rely on him. He is my family here.

When I see the others crying or at the least showing some grief for this loss, I feel guilty for not doing so. I am unable to mount a convincing appearance of it.

I know I sound as I do not care. I do care. I am only unsure how to feel what would be appropriate.

New Friend

I have met a new friend. She is from Yokota Air Base.

We have much in common. She plays violin. By her description she plays fiddle. I believe the difference of them is I play classical, she plays country. I admit, I have not listened to much of it despite Lt listening to it often. Listening to Cynthia play sounded interesting. It has a fun tempo. Perhaps I will learn more of fiddling and play it occasionally.

Cynthia is also not a natural citizen of the US. She is from Britain. It is fortunate she did not experience the same anxiety of traveling to Japan as I did.

Something I do not envy her, her husband travels as mine will but unlike Lt who is given notice of his travels, Cynthia must endure her husband leaving to work at 7am and returning home that day...... or not. She has experienced him not returning for several days, even weeks! The Air Force does not tell her where he is , when he will return, or his condition, though I do assume if his condition was not good they would inform her. The Navy will tell me when he will leave and I get a "window" of their trip. If something were to happen, Lt has a large amount of steel and weaponry surrounding him. It is unlikely, short of sinking, much harm would come to him.

We have exchanged telephone numbers. We will remain in contact and visit as often as we can. She has invited me to visit when Lt is under way.

I am told this is an unusual friendship to develop. It seems I am supposed to know only Navy wives. It is fortunate for me I do not care which service a husband serves or at what base they live. My friends are not limited by arbitrary limits.

Yuki

She has demonstrated she is intelligent. I was required to show her the litter box only once. She faithfully visits it each time. There have been no accidents! She also seems to know her name. I call to her and she looks to me. It is possible she is only responding to my voice. We will see the truth soon enough.

I do know she does not care to be separated from me. I am followed to every place I go. I hear her cry as I leave the house. It is almost too much to bear when she does this. I have provided a kennel for her until she adjusts. It is filled with toys so there is activity for her. She has water available also.

Night time has become something to adjust to for Lt. Yuki prefers to sleep beside my head on my pillow. Lt has inadvertently struck her forgetting she was there. It is interesting she remains in her chosen place afterward.

I question if she is needy or she knows what she wants. I would prefer to believe she is independent and knows what she wants

Yay!

My Lt's ship has left dry dock! There is still much work to do but the ship will be available for duty soon. It is interesting to see the excitement of the crew as the time approaches for them to "get to work." It seems sailors do not care to have their ship in port for to much time. Even if that means they must leave their family in port. The under ways will begin soon. I can not say I look to them with happiness as they do but it is the Navy. I had better adjust to it or my life will unhappy.

In a certain way it will be satisfying to see something written of my Lt's ship as it participates with the rest of the fleet. I am weary of reading of the other ships and nothing of his. It is quite different when speaking with other wives and they tell of what their husbands ships are doing at sea and I must say "we are in dry dock."

Lt is in trouble with me. He has given me something I have emphatically said I did not want. The Commander shares in this since he is the one who took Lt to aquire this thing. I was awakened this morning by unusual noises. I opened my eyes to find this sitting upon my bed...

After I have finished expressing my anger at Lt, I suppose the only task remaining is to name her. Suggestions?

Recovery Proceeds

my Lt has begun to pull me closer as we sleep, a sure sign he is recovering well. I have missed this. He remains tender to be sure but at the least he well enough to want to embrace. I was able to sleep an entire night finally! I had begun to forget what it is to be rested!

He returned to limited duty yesterday. He seemed to tolerate it well. He experienced some discomfort but was able to complete his day. Providing he does not return to heavy activity too soon, we should return to what is normal for us very soon.

I have seen what many have not. Work continues on the ship but we were allowed to see it in places. It is unnerving to stand here knowing it is only wooden blocks that hold the entire ship. I know my Lt is anxious for the work to be complete. But i know that when it is finished He will leave port. It is only sensible. The work must be tested before returning the ship to full duty.

The only question to remain is "How long?" How long before it is ready? How long will they be under way for testing? How long until they are gone for an extended time?

I suppose I will enjoy what is now and worry of time apart when I see the ship's wake as it leaves port.

Improvements

Today is better for my Lt.

I began his day with toast. plain. I was generous! I allowed him a cup of coffee! He seemed to tolerate that well through the morning so I gave him cream of wheat with prune juice. Mother said that was a good combination since it serves to stimulate his bowels. All is going well.


Tonight will tell the story. I have prepared for his dinner potatoes with broccoli cooked soft. I did not mash the potatoes. I thought to give him something to chew. They will not be hard only firm. Perhaps that will help him feel he has eaten something more substantial. In honesty, the broccoli is far over cooked but the doctor said it was best for his system until he is recovered. I am happy I need not eat it. All I will do is worry he looks to eat more while I am at class. It is 2 hours he will be alone with food. I told him if he behaved, I would cook an egg to accompany his toast and coffee in the morning.

We will see if he behaves or suffers more pain from improper eating.

He is Home

He moans often. Especially when he moves. I have always slept lightly. His moans wake me often. I have considered sleeping elsewhere but he seems to moan more when I am absent. Perhaps it is only my guilt of attempting to sleep apart that causes it to seem so. For the now I will remain with him.

A hole remains open on his side! Mother says this is normal and that I must care for it properly to prevent infection so I look to the dressing often and ensure it is clean.

His bruises are terrible! If one were to look to them, it would seem I beat him often. There are several on his abdomen. Each arm also has several. I was told they were required to move the IV several times.

I bring his medicines as the doctor has scheduled them. He protests. Even more so when I wake him for them. It is fair since I am awake that he wakes every four hours for pills. After all, he would be farther along in his recovery if he had not made poor decisions of what to eat.

Is it wrong of me to eat a bagel as he watches? He pleads for a bite and I dutifully refuse. "I thought you loved me!", he protests. I offer kisses and broth instead. He pouts of it like a baby. He accepts my offer but he pouts as he does so. Tomorrow I will offer kisses and plain rice.

I will sleep better when my Lt has sufficiently recovered. For the now it seems I will not care for myself as well as I should. But I know my Lt will return the attentions when I am ill.

There are worse things...

My Lt is in the hospital.

It seems his gall bladder was not performing as it should. My poor Lt spent several hours nauseous and in pain. At hospital they decided to remove it. He spent the night and they released him to quarters yesterday.

This would seem to be good news but there is more to it than that. The doctor informed him he may eat that which he tolerates well. Is it only me or do others think of what that may be?

My Lt thought he knew. He insisted stopping and buying a sub. I thought he should be more careful be he informed me he was tired of no taste to his food. To his credit he ate a small sandwich when it is his habit to eat the largest available but it remained a poor decision.

Now he lies in the hospital with greater pain in his stomach than before. It seems the lettuce, pickles, and multigrain bread does not agree with the surgery. They will keep him again to control his pain and have given medicine to help the bad food pass more easily. He asked me to leave the room when he was given it. He is not comfortable of me witnessing his taking of medicine when it is not by mouth or injection. ;)

I will make his food decisions for a time until he is fully recovered. I do not believe he will enjoy it but it is necessary. I will follow what a dietician has told me, "If it looks good, smells good, or tastes good, he can not eat it."

I will also inform the Commander he is not permitted to eat anything beyond what I send with my Lt or I will cry to Dorothy. That should be sufficient threat to ensure he cooperates. :)

I will have a larger baby first than I believed. lol

Instruction time

My Lt has decided it is time for me to learn those things I will need to do in his absences.

Today, he "taught" me of repairing a leaking faucet. You do not own a house without learning of these things unless you are wealthy. I am not wealthy. I was dutiful to listen and watch as he showed me those things I already know. He is doing this for my best interests.

He says I must be capable while he is deployed or under way. (I do not know why the Navy requires both terms. Each means my Lt is away from me. It is only the length of time that is different.) There will be some tasks I will always require another to do. I would not clean a horse stall and I will not "snake the toilet." I will seek someone who is skilled at that just as I hired the nephews to clean the stalls.

I know these things he teaches, or at the least attempts to teach, are because he loves me and seeks my well being. They make me smile. Not from ridicule but from love. It is a good thing to have someone love you this way.

It is a "man thing" so I will not take it from him. I will smile, listen, Learn as best I may, and give him kisses for every lesson.

Hot Little BFM...

That is what I have been called. I am unsure what it is.

While shopping the NEX a young sailor said to me that I was "a hot little BFM." I did not how to respond since I have never heard the term before now. I have an idea it is not a good thing to call someone and I have an idea it is a "line" to be used on women. My Lt's reaction to it leads me to believe this.

As my Lt rounded the end of the isle he touched my waist and the young sailor paled and turned to leave. I asked my Lt what a little BFM was. He told me to ignore the phrase and that it was not something to think of again. He then walked after the young sailor and left the NEX with him. After a few moments he returned looking displeased. I remained silent as I have seen this look on his face before.

He will not tell me what is the meaning of little BFM. So I ask whoever will tell me.