New Year Without Me

A new school year has begun! It does not include me. I find myself struggling to find constructive things to do.

With our departure date in January, I am unable to accept a full-time teaching position' I am available for sub placements on a limited basis but since it is limited, I am at the bottom of the list to be called in. That leaves me with very little to do. Once again, my habits are proving not to be helpful in keeping me busy. My walls are already bare in preparation of movers boxing everything up. I have already reduced us to bare essentials even though there remains approximately four months before our HHG will be picked up.

Yes, there are appointments that will occupy some time and as we get closer to departure, they will occupy more time but for now I am getting bored. The children are fortunate they still have school to take up their time. At least we save a little money on daycare since I am home with Su all day now. There is planning of a 2^nd birthday party for her, (like that will take so much time). I suppose short trips should occupy our remaining time here.

We have traveled more here. Our last significant trip was to Casablanca, Morocco. We chose this trip for the Casablanca movie. We were a little disappointed there was not more to see of the movie scene locations but that is Hollywood for you.

“Rick's Cafe Americain” was recreated and one can feel they are in a familiar place if they watched the movie (we did just before the trip).

This place never existed in 1942 when the film is set. It is just a recreation of the movie scene but it is true to the set so much that one almost expects Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman to appear. Even the music is a match for the movie, piano music of the 1940's and 1950's each night.

It is located against the Medina of Casablanca, the traditional city center. It is a beautiful area to explore. One tends to preconceive what an area will look like based on the surrounding areas. I will be honest, I did not expect much. I expected dust and dirt made worse by heat but it was very clean and pleasant. It would seem Moroccans take great pride in their city.

It was a very pleasant trip that I wish we had done sooner so that we could do it again. I recommend you visit if the chance presents itself.

We will have short visits to local favorites before we leave, as many as we can fit in four months. My neighbors already plan a Fiesta de Despedida, a going away party, which I very much look forward to. Leaving Spain is eagerly awaited but at the same time is not since I must yet again say goodbye to friends.

At least some time is being filled with activity.

It would seem I am not the mother Chao lei believes I should be. My personality is acceptable. At least, I assume it is since he says nothing of it. My appearance, however, is the matter in question.

I am not supposed to age. I am looking old, according to Chao lei. I am far from old. I am only 44 years old. According to him, I should look like a 20 year old K-Pop star.

Chao lei's AI version of me. :-/

 

I did not look like that even when I was that age. It is not that he thinks of me as ugly. I would just “look better.” His father approves of my current appearance so Chao lei will have to adjust his expectations.

On the husband front, he is home for now. I will take it and enjoy it while I may. Who can know when the next departure will be but I will not look forward to it. To be honest, I believe I preferred the South China sea area. There were tensions there, of course but it seemed more stable people were making the decisions. Perhaps it is because I am originally Chinese so I understand them better. There is a competition between nations that is carefully conducted since neither side wishes war. Peaceful overtures are common. My parents once had dinner in Beijing with Jared as the ship made a port call. I do not anticipate that occurring anywhere in the Gulf. They are two very different areas to operate in.

PCS orders should arrive soon. Where they are to should be known sooner. Meanwhile, there are rumors of Jared's tour being extended. I certainly hope it is not. I am done with Spain. It is not that Spain is a bad place. It is the areas the 5^th Fleet must operate.

I desire a stateside assignment again. Shore duty would not be a bad thing for me. We will see.

 

21 Years a Citizen

 

Teaching is more difficult when your students are absent. Championship season takes my students away. This week it is wrestling in Germany. Next week it is basketball and cheer leading in Germany. I only have a couple of boys that will be gone but I have several girls that participate in cheer.

To make matters more difficult, Monday is an in service day for teachers and Friday is a school holiday. I suppose it could be more complicated. Besides, only a teacher could com[lain of time off, right? Lol

Today is the anniversary of my naturalization as a citizen of the US. I have been a citizen for 21 years and it still bothers me that some try to insist I accept the name Chinese-American. I am no longer Chinese. I am strictly American. I remain of Chinese ancestry of course but that is the part that is put into the mixing bowl to enrich the nation as a whole. I do not understand immigrants that insist to hold on to their original country of origin.

All of the immigration uproar at home causes me some concern as I plan a trip home this summer. I have heard the horror stories of an out of control ICE but dismiss most of it to being hyperbole. Still, most stories are based, at least in small part, on a kernel of truth. My answer is to carry my naturalization card and passport with me where ever I go and hope they are sufficient. They should be but then, I am told, the Navy wold descend on them with a vengeance.

Fortunately, I do not intend visiting an area with high ICE enforcement activity. The closest I will come to any is landing at the Portland airport. I plan a nice, quiet vacation with family and friends.

Well That Was Electrifying

I have had an interesting week. I have been in the hospital experiencing Atrial Flutter. What is that you ask? It is much like A Fib with the exception of it being on the top of the heart rather than the bottom. What causes it? In my case, it was medication, or more accurately more medication than was required.

I woke up three days ago feeling normal enough. My smart watch disagreed as it flashed three health alarms for a high heart rate. I do not trust a watch completely so I tried to find my pulse in my neck but could not. I set myself up with our BP cuff which confirmed a heart rate of 158bpm. Not good I thought yet I did not feel anything was wrong so I continued my morning, getting the children ready for school but had decided I would go to Urgent Care to have it checked.

After leaving Su at day care, I proceeded to Urgent Care. Did you know it is unnerving to have a nurse ask if I drive myself then saying never mind, she was going to call an ambulance? It seems A Flutter is more serious than I believed it to be.

I had time for one phone call before the ambulance arrived so I called Jared to let him know and to call the school right away to allow them time to get a sub to cover my classes. After laying there all day, the decision was made to do electrical cardioversion, otherwise known as stopping my heart and restarting it to return it normal rhythm. Can you say sore chest? I had less grogginess after they removed my thyroid.

The investigation into what caused this episode is too much thyroid medicine. It seem I ran out of my proper dose (132 mcg) and began taking a higher dose (175 mcg) without realizing it. In my defense, the pills are the same shape and color. Usually they change at least the color. Since I tend to be a creature of habit, I saw only color and shape. I will be paying closer attention for here on.

I can think of better ways to get a week off from work that do not involve getting stuck with a needle fifty times. All my inattention gained me was three more prescriptions and a thousand questions from co-workers and students that will be asked next week when I return to school.

It did get Jared a couple of extra days off of work though I am not sure it can be considered days off when one must care for children.

It is Warming!

 I am pleased that winter is over and the warm temperatures are returning. I have neveer been fond of the cold weather. I am sure Alaska has its charm but the cold instills no desire in me to visit. I believe I would panic if somehow Jared received orders for there. Fortunately, there are no naval bases in Alaska so the chances are near impossible.

No, if I must be OCONUS, I prefer sunny Spain. I sit now with the courtyard door open enjoying 65° and a light breeze. Why am I up at 0100? The ship is to arrive in port at 0230. Why 0230? Because they can. Daylight seems to be an unsuitable time of day for docking. It is good there is no school tomorrow.

Fuente de la Plaza de Seville

 I am hoping Jared will be home for a short time at least. It would be good to do a short trip to Seville or Cordoba. If we can get a little more time, maybe even Tangier. I will not be picky. I just wish for a trip anywhere. I am not ticking the bucket list boxes very quickly.

All that remains for this morning is to retrieve my husband from the docks and finally fall into the bed... after putting three excited to see their daddy children to bed. Wish me luck.

Boring Free Time?

 

Deployments are predictable. As far as anything is predictable in the Navy anyway. I must seek out ways to use my time to prevent me from being too bored.

I am thankful that there is Su that is with me all day, but her naps leave alone time that needs to be occupied with something. Chao lei and Jun are in school all day.

I have a dance class on Thursdays. I enjoy it very much. It certainly uses up any extra energy I may have pent up. Chinese dances are active but Spanish dance is so energetic. I believe I can consider one lesson equal to time at a gym.

I often see what others post as their latest reading and find the titles and summaries interesting but a career in computer science does not allow one to rest. Computer science changes often; usually before the newest literature is printed. My latest read is, “A Common-Sense Guide to Data Structures and Algorithms.” I have tried to do more recreational reading. Really. I have. Occupational reading is a demanding little witch that is unafraid to claw back any time spent on other reading.

As I am attempting to establish myself as a cyber security consultant, my next book will be, “Hacking: The Art of Exploitation.” Understanding hacking is required to protect a system from it. I have the fundamentals but staying current is a necessity.

As you can see, my book titles are not nearly as attractive as most others. I am sure you are not about to rush right out and buy your copies but my reading must focus on what keeps my credentials current. My “light” reading has usually been student papers.

I believe I use my free time well. Boredom is not a problem, though I do experience it now and then.

A Fun Week So Far

 

I have finished a week of substituting at the high school. I have missed teaching.

Much to the surprise of the students, I knew the subject matter (calculus) and was able to conduct a legitimate class. The students had hoped for a clueless fill-in that would allow them a week of no studies. Since I know their teacher, I knew what she was teaching and where she was leading them. They were sorely disappointed.

Despite the surprise of real class work, the students were wonderful to be in class with. The usual characters were present of course; the jokester, the prankster, the “Sheldon” (you know, the one that knows he is smarter than everyone else). I believe I would have enjoyed full-time teaching here very much. I will be sure to apply at our next posting as soon as we discover where it is.

In my dance class I was informed I met a dancing milestone. I broke a heel on my shoe during a paso doble. It is a VERY active dance. I was informed you may not call yourself a dancer until you have broken a heel doing a paso doble. Yay me! Perhaps I should pay the $150.00 for the recommended shoes. The fall was very entertaining for Chao lei it seems, based on his loud laugh. Jun thought it was just another part of the dance.

So, I worked, played, and looked foolish for my children. It was a great week! I should do it again.

Good Moods

 

I find myself in one of my happy moods again. Michael Bublè is playing often. I know Chao lei is happy for school since he is not trapped in dancing with his mother. He is not as fond of it as he once was. Jared, when he is home, still enjoys dancing with me, but I am without a partner when he is gone.

Since I am in such a dancing mood, I have decided to participate in Spanish dance classes conducted by one of my neighbors. She is a professional dancer. I hope to be reasonably well trained in Spanish dancing by the time Jared returns. I am learning both with and without castanets. It requires more energy than it seems. I thought to add this style of dance to my own traditional dances. It does not hurt to add a foreign culture's styles to one's own I think.

My dress should arrive before Jared returns so that I may have it fitted properly and practice dancing while wearing it. I think doing proper hem flips and swings will be more difficult than in the practice skirt since it is not as heavy.

Su Zan is easy to have at my lessons. It seems she is fond of the musicif I am to believe all of her kicks and coos. Perhaps that means at least one of three children will be musical. Will I have a student to teach violin to?

It has been some time since I posted a “What the Heck?”but that does not mean my children ceased to say the most surprising things. For instance:

Chao lei: Dad! I am growing a mustache!

Jun: So is Mom.

As if there was a competition I was unaware of,

Chao lei: But she got rid of it with wax yesterday.

Jun's issues with the days of the week continue. I admit, it is hard to argue with her sometimes:

Jun: Why are weekends only two days when they could be five?

And Chao lei gave us this gem while assembling his telescope while his sister attempted to offer advice.

Chao lei: Excuse me! I know exactly what I am doing... sort of... mostly!

It is reassuring to know that despite our upheavals and interruptions in our lives, I can still experience the humor that is found in my children.

Perhaps it is that the holidays are over. Well... except for Chinese New Year but there are no celebrations in our area that I have discovered so ours will be minimal. Perhaps it is the bright sunshine we are experiencing. In any case, I will enjoy this happy mood while I am able.

I Am Getting Old.

 

I came to a startling realization today. Chao lei is in middle school this year. My little boy is almost a teenager.

His pudgy little face has been replaced by a strong jaw line. His muscles are well defined. His soft small voice is being replaced with a strong masculine tone.

He used to be eager to go out for ice cream with me. Now, I get shoulder shrugs and no eye contact. His hugs used to be strong, full hugs with arms wrapped around me. Now, if I am fortunate, I get one of those non-committed light, side hugs sometimes accompanied by a back tap. If I hold on too long, I get “Mom, stop.”

His feet are no longer the cute little rectangles with adorable toes that I used to kiss. Now, they are giant, adult size 7 with a smell more common to a garbage can that has not been cleaned recently.

His hands are no longer those cute little ones that used to hold mine, but now can palm a soccer ball and use his father’s tools easily.

My baby is gone.

I know he loves me since he (barely) tolerates my kisses on his cheek in front of his friends. I know he still needs me. But that little 7 pound package is no longer and he is not coming back. Those chubby cheeks and shining eyes are gone. I look for them every day. It annoys him but I cannot help myself.

As hard as I try to keep him from growing up, he tries harder to do just that. The more I push, the more he pulls. He lets me know he does not need my help so much anymore. My grip is too tight for him but too loose for me.

I am allowed to miss my baby. Taking a step back though, is the next step in his maturing. If I do not give him room to make his own mistakes and successes, he will not grow as an adult so step back I will. I must allow him to be who he needs to be and I do not wish to miss the opportunity to get to know this version of him because I refuse to let go of the past.

He will always be my baby even though I must give him room to grow. I do not know who growing up is more difficult for, Chao lei or me.