She is so sweet. And quiet! (So far)
She was born on the 24th at 2358. Two more minutes and she would have shared Father Bing's birthday. She is 18.25 inches and 7.1 pounds.
Once again, Jared will leave the ship first to greet his daughter then immediately return to complete his duties before returning home. When this will happen remains a mystery since there is no word of a return yet.
Meanwhile, I will rest. A picture is coming.
I have tried but it has been a night and morning of contractions. They do not lessen. In fact, they increase in severity as they come ever closer. It seems Jared will lose the race. Again.
I am between the two desires of my heart. One is to get June out of me. I wish to see her face and hold her in my arms. I will not lie. I also wish the pain to stop but mostly, I wish to hold her.
Then there is the other desire that Jared is present for her birth. He was not for Chao lei and I saw the regret he had for not being there. What he did to make amends was driven too much by guilt. Love was a driver but guilt more. I do not wish such for him.
I also worry of Chao lei. Not for the birth. We have discussed that very much and I believe he understands what is to happen. My worry is when his father comes home and focuses on June, which would be natural I think. I worry if he will feel ignored or less than his sister.
Jared has been an amazing father. I believe he will work out how to do this but a mother worries of these things.
I do believe I will not finish this day as a mother of one but two. Jared will return when he returns and will be among the first to leave the ship even if only long enough to see his daughter.
The base is beginning to lock down again. I am allowed to go from home to the base and back only, and horror of horrors, the beaches are again closed. Almost everything off-base is off-limits. Yay.
It is not as if I have been enjoying any freedom anyway. June has me laying or reclining somewhere. It is difficult at times to sit up enough to see my laptop. Especially since I usually do not have one. lol (well, it is funny to me) I believe Chao lei is becoming weary of being Mommy's little helper and is considering himself as Mommy's little gopher. He asks when his father returns and is not happy with "I do not know."
I thought for a time last night that June had decided to come now. I was only moments from calling Dorothy or an ambulance. A week early is not so bad but I wish Jared as much time as possible to return so he is present for one of his children's birth. He was in Japan for a few days only not here. That is a cruel thing to discover. "They are in Sasebo" is not what this mother wishes to hear.
When Jared does get home, he has much to do. The baby's bed remains in the box it arrived in. His plans for the baby's room have not even begun. I believe it is to make up for those things not being done that he is still buying June clothes. I fear if he does not stop she will have clothes she will never wear. Her closet now contains more clothing than mine, though to be honest, that is not an accomplishment. She has more shoes than Chao lei and me combined. I have asked him to slow his purchasing but "She would be just too cute" in them.
My wish for the day is for Jared to get home. Now. It will be then that I can present June with no feelings of guilt that he missed another one. Then again... Jared's treatment of me the last time he missed was phenomenal. No... we will wait... hopefully.
It is getting more difficult to convince June to remain where she is for a short while longer. Contractions are becoming more frequent but Jared is not home yet. I find myself trying to distract myself as if it will stop the contractions or delay the birth. Silly, I know.
Chao lei has decided he is not fond of my contractions. He tells my tummy to "stop hurting my mom" as if it would pay any attention to him. lol I am subjected to endless questions of what he should expect, what is happening now and will I still love him when June is born. The last question shocked me. What have I done to cause him to believe my love for him would change because June is born? I do reassure him there will be no change in how I love him. I have warned him that babies require much more attention than a big boy such as he but it will not mean I love him any less. It will be necessary to make time for him. We will continue with many of our customary activities.
Lately, I find myself living vicariously through other people's adventures since I can not go for myself. Adventurous bloggers are my lifeline. Chao lei does not care since they are only pictures but I do. It causes me to earnestly plan our own adventures once June is born and, hopefully, my back recovers without surgery. There are many places in Japan I have yet to hike. I have not climbed Mt. Fuji. How can you say you have lived in Japan without having done that? I need only acquire the baby carrier and have a husband about to hike with.
It seems Japan is over CoVid. The state of emergency has been lifted and all limits of businesses are no more. That does not mean the Navy has done so. We remain limited on what we are permitted to do. Japan says we may return to normal, for now, while the Navy says we may not. It is tempting to return to normal off base while following the restrictions on base but the Navy's reach extends beyond the gates so I do not. I do tend to believe that my Asian (though not Japanese) appearance would help me to get away with it though. White people in general seem unable to clearly see the distinction between different Asian people; "You all look the same." Still, integrity demands I do not attempt such a thing.
I believe the race between Jared and June will go to June. Once again, Jared will be allowed to disembark the ship first to meet his daughter. She will be denied meeting him earlier. Such is life in the Navy.
