I have tried but it has been a night and morning of contractions. They do not lessen. In fact, they increase in severity as they come ever closer. It seems Jared will lose the race. Again.
I am between the two desires of my heart. One is to get June out of me. I wish to see her face and hold her in my arms. I will not lie. I also wish the pain to stop but mostly, I wish to hold her.
Then there is the other desire that Jared is present for her birth. He was not for Chao lei and I saw the regret he had for not being there. What he did to make amends was driven too much by guilt. Love was a driver but guilt more. I do not wish such for him.
I also worry of Chao lei. Not for the birth. We have discussed that very much and I believe he understands what is to happen. My worry is when his father comes home and focuses on June, which would be natural I think. I worry if he will feel ignored or less than his sister.
Jared has been an amazing father. I believe he will work out how to do this but a mother worries of these things.
I do believe I will not finish this day as a mother of one but two. Jared will return when he returns and will be among the first to leave the ship even if only long enough to see his daughter.
Praying for you, Mei! I hope sweet June arrives soon (as does Jared). I urge you not to worry too much about your son and his thoughts regarding Jared's interactions with June. I've found that when Ryan involved the boys in his interactions with Mieke, they loved that, and it was very special. Praying fervently for you!
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