Military vs Civilian

 

There are things about military family life that are not the same as civilian families lives. For instance, when a civilian child participates in sports, it is usual to expect they will board a bus and travel to a city that is near to play their sport. Here at Rota, that same child would board a train, carrying a passport, to travel to another country to participate in their sport. I am missing students today that boarded a train to travel to Weisbaden, Germany for their sport.

My children do not ride a big yellow bus to school. When I am unavailable, they ride in a in a taxi. Yes, they could ride a public bus but that gets them to the main gate then leaves them walking 3 miles to reach the school. Also, the bus does not travel early enough to allow the walk. I look forward to that big yellow bus when we are stationed stateside.

Making friends tends to be somewhat easier in the military than as a civilian. We tend to have much more immediately in common with each other. That is not to say you will click with everyone. Personalities remain unique and not all blend well but common ground seems to keep thing a little more peaceful. The drawback is these friendships tend to be more fleeting. A PCS is a friendship killer. Friends that survive a PCS are rare.

Your community is different. The ship's crew becomes our family much like a small town of 300 would be. We depend on each other for so many things. If a new spouse is having difficulties, it will be people from the ship's crew and families that respond. We provide transportation to newcomers awaiting licensing and car purchase. Rarely do we call on another ship's family to aid our own.

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a civilian neighbor? Much of the time they do not understand what your saying. We tend to descend into anagrams and military slang without thinking of it. With military families, I can have simple conversation. In a conversation with a civilian, I must remember to speak civilian English.

A civilian spouse usually has a good idea of where their spouse is or when they will return. Me? Not so much. Jared can leave at 0800 and not return for 3+ months. Where is he? “We cannot tell you.” When will he be home? “We cannot tell you.” We must settle for , Is he ok? “Yes.”

Would I change it? If I could, yes, a little. I would make it easier on families. The Navy gives us so many things we otherwise would never get or do so this is not a complaint. It just one of those things I post to shake the negatives out of my mind.

I Am Tired But I Am Not Giving Up

I have never thought of myself as a negative person. I tend to be positive in most situations. But there is a reality I must deal with often while living this Navy life. Negative self-talk. It has a way of getting inside your head. The tired and weary thoughts become commonplace. Before long, you are wondering if military life is really for you.

Some days, you genuinely want to quit. I mean, with all the deployments, PCS moves and career challenges, who would not want to quit at some point? Quite often, I feel like I am a single parent that has a boyfriend that occasionally visits and believes he has an opinion of raising children that matters.

This is exactly why shifting my perception is so important; it is my path to thriving. Tired is always going to be there. Yes, weary too. They are inescapable. Dwelling on them simply makes my life miserable. Our children suffer enough without me adding to their stresses.

What is needed is a simple, yet highly effective way to remember the important things. To help me remember what I am capable of. To know that I have totally got this. Even when it feels like I can not breathe.

This is my solution. Simple and looks over-simplified. Perhaps it is but there is science behind it and it has proven effective for me.

Positive affirmation cards. They have helped me stay on track and feel encouraged on those really tough days. I put them on my bedroom mirror, in my car and inside my purse. Each time I see the affirmation, I close my eyes and say it aloud three times.

When I first began, it seemed rather silly but I was determined to give an honest effort. After about a month, I felt less stressed, more content with military life, and most importantly, I started to shift my perception. Instead of tidal waves crashing over me, I saw a few ripples in the water.

When Jared announced another trip, I hesitated, but I did not carry around the frustration for days afterward that I used to.

That was a huge positive change for me. I now recommend to any spouse who tells me of the inevitable exhaustion of the op tempo to do at least try this method. I even offer up my cards to print on their own computers.

I know it sounds overly simple but sometimes, simple is the answer to overcome the complicated.

Holiday is Over

 

It has been a good holiday for us. Jared made it home for Christmas. We were not sure that would happen so it was an extra blessing. It has been a gamble. We had him this year. We did not last year, we did the year before, we did not the year before that, we … well... you get the point. It is good enough to say we had him this year.

It is difficullt to have very many family traditions that include Jared. Something I enjoy tremendously is sitting with him on Christmas morning watching the children open gifts. Sometime I think Jared is more surprised at what he got them than they are. I should probably better inform him of that. Lol

I have been rather attached to Jared since he has been home. There is no telling how much time we will have before he sails again and school resumes tomorrow. I confess. Retirement for Jared looks good to me and he is mere weeks from eligible but there have been no discussions of it so...

Out next assignment is on the horizon though and much to Jared's disappointment, it will likely be a shore assignment. I will not complain. It would be good to have a “normal” life at least for a short time. Jared is not a fan of serving ashore but he will concede the necessity of it for a well rounded career. Let the assignment shopping begin!

The children are becoming curious as to where we will live next. I tell them it will be a place they have never lived before except for Chao lei but he was too young to remember. Jun wishes to start language classes to prepare for the move. “America speaks English” I tell her. She seems disappointed. She will have to be content with speaking her Japanese/Spanish/English hybrid she speaks now. Or perhaps she can learn to use each of those separately and at the correct moments.

I tend to believe that after Jared retires, we will find ourselves completely at a loss for what to do. What will our new normal look like? With no mention of retirement, I suppose we should not dwell on it to much for now. It makes no sense to stress when there is nothing to stress about yet.