There are things about military family life that are not the same as civilian families lives. For instance, when a civilian child participates in sports, it is usual to expect they will board a bus and travel to a city that is near to play their sport. Here at Rota, that same child would board a train, carrying a passport, to travel to another country to participate in their sport. I am missing students today that boarded a train to travel to Weisbaden, Germany for their sport.
My children do not ride a big yellow bus to school. When I am unavailable, they ride in a in a taxi. Yes, they could ride a public bus but that gets them to the main gate then leaves them walking 3 miles to reach the school. Also, the bus does not travel early enough to allow the walk. I look forward to that big yellow bus when we are stationed stateside.
Making friends tends to be somewhat easier in the military than as a civilian. We tend to have much more immediately in common with each other. That is not to say you will click with everyone. Personalities remain unique and not all blend well but common ground seems to keep thing a little more peaceful. The drawback is these friendships tend to be more fleeting. A PCS is a friendship killer. Friends that survive a PCS are rare.
Your community is different. The ship's crew becomes our family much like a small town of 300 would be. We depend on each other for so many things. If a new spouse is having difficulties, it will be people from the ship's crew and families that respond. We provide transportation to newcomers awaiting licensing and car purchase. Rarely do we call on another ship's family to aid our own.
Have you ever tried to have a conversation with a civilian neighbor? Much of the time they do not understand what your saying. We tend to descend into anagrams and military slang without thinking of it. With military families, I can have simple conversation. In a conversation with a civilian, I must remember to speak civilian English.
A civilian spouse usually has a good idea of where their spouse is or when they will return. Me? Not so much. Jared can leave at 0800 and not return for 3+ months. Where is he? “We cannot tell you.” When will he be home? “We cannot tell you.” We must settle for , Is he ok? “Yes.”
Would I change it? If I could, yes, a little. I would make it easier on families. The Navy gives us so many things we otherwise would never get or do so this is not a complaint. It just one of those things I post to shake the negatives out of my mind.
For better and worse, growing up as a military kid shaped me pretty profoundly. I wouldn't change it for the most part, but it for sure can be very hard on families. I haven't had the experience of being a military spouse, but I think that would come with a very specific set of challenges that you seem to manage as well as you can. I'm sure your husband appreciates that, because no military officer can be successful without the support of his or her spouse.
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