Yet Another First... Again

Or maybe I should say the first in a long time. Still, it was another birthday with no husband to celebrate it with me. At the least, this time Chao lei is old enough to know what is happening. I will admit that I should have been ready since it is not the first time but this time was as lonely and painful as the very first time it happened despite my sons presence.This time there are no friends around me to distract from my husband's absence.

I know we will celebrate missed birthdays when Jared returns. They will more than make up for the real day. Still, I am not comforted. I suppose I became too accustomed to his presence during shore duty and was a bit spoiled. I became as one of those women whose husband does not regularly leave them on their own. Perhaps I became too dependent ;-).

I will adjust again. I have no choice in this. I will smile for Chao lei's sake. This is, after all, his first time without his father. He will look to me to learn how to react.

Most of my decorations are now in place. I feel much better with my things in my house. However, now that it is all in place, I find myself dissatisfied with some of it. My American style dinning room does not fit the house. It simply is not... right. I have considered traditional dinning room furniture. I am not so sure if Jared would approve of it. At the beginning, the novelty would make it tolerable but his height could make it tedious in a short time. I believe I will bare it until he returns so I may have his input. In that way, if he agrees to my idea, he has had his input and may not convincingly complain it after.

I have also considered replacing our bed with tatami mats. I have always been comfortable on them but again, Jared's height may make the impractical. The mats are generally not so large as to accommodate him without his feet protruding from the end. The mats that are very costly.

Perhaps I will just have to be satisfied with what I already have for a time. I may change my thoughts during the time I wait for Jared to return.