Sometimes...

Sometimes it is better to pretend to be happy than it is to actually be happy.

I find that the looming deployment date makes it more difficult to remain positive. I know I will survive it but that does not change my dislike of it. This deployment has the added uncertainty of how our son will react. He was not born yet the last time. This time, he is 6 years old and I know my attitude will affect his.

I can not assume my reactions this time will be as last time. I am not pregnant (so far) and I will not be alone. I have my son. He is not Jared but his snuggles do wonders for my outlook. I think perhaps he will keep me moving and working on snuggle power. Chao lei is a loving boy unafraid to shoe that love. He is not bashful to hug his mother as his friends watch. One of his friends teased him for it once and his reply was "Don't you love your mother?" Is there anything that could make a mother smile better than that?

I am working hard to remain positive. Jared knows I do not care for deployments so I need not make his time harder by making it obvious. I have a son that looks to me to see how to do this. I may have my little pity party and get it out of my system before I steel myself to what is but only after Jared is gone and when Chao lei is at school.

I can do this... again.