Secrets

The Navy is fond of them. I understand. There are things we do not need to know.

Jared returns to me early but cannot say why. Fortunately, the reason is not so important to me as is he is home for now. But here is the problem of secrets. Because I do not know and because he will not tell me, I now wish to know more than before. I will not ask of it, of course. I will watch news and haunt the ombudsman's office though awaiting the "official release" of the information.

I suppose my greatest concern is a safe condition of the ship. If my husband is to serve upon it, I wish to know he will do so and remain as safe from harm as one may be aboard a warship. I do not need to think something of the ship will fail and I will lose my husband.

Is it not ridiculous where a mind can go only because of not being told a thing? I know better of it because the Navy cares for its ships very well but still, withheld information causes me to doubt the safety of my husband's ship... for a moment.

Jared says it is possible he will not complete this tour aboard his current ship because of his completion of CNCS (command school). Also lending credit to this idea is the rumors of issues aboard another ship requiring a change of command and he is the sole graduate on the base without a ship. Of course, it is only a rumor.

I know this is a thing Jared wishes. I am not so sure of it. With each increasing level of responsibility, his time with us decreases. I know it is selfish of me to not want to give away that time. For instance, when a ship returns to port, the Captain is several hours aboard before he comes ashore. The best his family may hope for is a brief greeting at the foot of the gangway until his tasks are completed for the day. Most others with families are with their sailor within, at most, an hour.

The selfish part of this for it happening is with my family. To have a naval ship's captain in one's family is a high honor. I would have "bragging rights" among family and friends. My brother's wife, who has enjoyed a strong position among the family, would be removed from her position to be replaced by me. Yes, yes. I know. It is shallow of me but I do not care for her. She has very high opinion of herself and behaves as more than she is. It would serve her well to teach humility to her.

Meanwhile, I will focus now and enjoy the time with Jared until he departs again. Other thoughts are only fantasies until they are not so deserve little time. Today I will teach my classes and hope my students are willing to apply themselves to learning. Chao lei will attend his school and learn. Jared will do, well, whatever it is he is doing.