A New Year

My old year is finished. It was eventful.

I found myself readjusting to another country... again. That was accompanied by the inevitable loneliness of a new place. One might believe someone who has immigrated once before would find it easier to do so again. They would be incorrect.

To western ears, Chinese and Japanese language may sound similar. In fact, they are as different as English and French. There are some words that are similar but in general conversation, the two languages are much different. Fortunately, I have had previous instruction in Japanese. I am proficient enough to not starve but conversation remain difficult. I feel as I did at my first days in America.

Of course there were other adjustments to be made. In the beginning of the year I was still a newlywed being married only 6 months. In truth, I continue adjusting. The Navy taking Lt to sea does not speed this process.

Also, I found myself adjusting to being a military spouse. So many things are to be done differently. I can not live my life as I see fit. I must consider how my actions will affect Lt. It is unfair this is so. Not for me but for Lt. Why is he to suffer for what I, an intelligent adult, decide to do?

In the beginning the Navy took him only for short times while the ship and crew refreshed their training. Once that was done, Lt was gone for several weeks with only a short port "visit" in the middle of the cruise. I do not envy those whose husbands are gone for a year. I did not care for the 19 weeks Lt was gone. This is an adjustment I do not care for but know I must make.

As I became adjusted to my new house, the decision was made to move on base. The increase in spendable money was an influence but in honesty the primary reason for the move was spite. I had my point to prove to those who gave me "warnings" of living among enlisted families. I have lived my life being judged for my skin color, my country of birth, or my gender. I refuse to allow anyone to tell me I must judge another based on some silly notion of rank.

I have adjusted to my return to school. At the least as much as is possible. Pregnancy makes what was once simple more complicated. It is difficult to be a substitute for an undergraduate class when all you desire is to throw up or sleep.

My pregnancy was not planned but has been uneventful. All has gone as my doctor has expected. Lt and I thought to wait for a time. This way he could "find his groove" in the Navy and I could return to school. It would seem God has a sense of humor and Lt's groove will be wider than he anticipated since now it will include a son and my return to school will now have less time available to commit to it.

Lt has proven himself more loving and gentle than I had known before. When he learned of the pregnancy, and was home, he spent much time seeing to my needs. That is not to say he did not do an incredible job before this because he did. It is only to say he was much more tender. He would speak to Little One as he applied lotion to my tummy. He promised while he was home there was nothing strenuous I was to do. He made good on his promise so well that even after the ship left he made sure I was to have housekeeping done for me. Sakai is very thorough. Perhaps I will be able to convince Lt to keep him even after Little One is born.

This year has shown me a dark side of  a man. His anger and frustration was released upon his wife. She paid a dear price for his inability to love her more than show his anger. This man did not only affect his wife. Even though I was careful to the choice of my husband, this other man's action caused me to question if my Lt could do the same to me. This man took my faith and trust in my own husband, even if it was only for a moment. What of the future? If Lt should display anger or frustration will I, even for the briefest of moments, believe I will soon be struck because I have seen another act out his anger on his wife?

I have met new friends, including one who in the beginning did not care for me at all. I have lost those who could have been friends but chose to believe what I could not. I have seen the terrible aftermath of violence. I have seen amazing tenderness.

It has been an eventful year. I hope to see as many blessings but less darkness in my new year. I hope you have the same.