It Is Too Early

Here it is 0430 on a Sunday morning and I am very awake. It is good I went to bed at 2000 but it means I am to have a long day.

Maybe I could fill some of the day with a visit to Parcabout Tree Nets or even Cosmo world. The former is a "jungle gym," the latter a theme park. Either one would occupy and tire Chao lei and June while keeping me moving to prevent me sleeping all day.

A ship's spouse has been calmed. I hope. This being my second tour here at Yokosuka may be an advantage. I have experienced the missions and pace before and survived. A younger spouse sees the activity in the East China Sea and it can become frightening when it is a thought left to itself. It requires explanations of this activity is nothing new. It occurs every day and is simply each side flexing its muscles. Is it a possibility that someone does something stupid? Yes but it is very unlikely. China knows the caliber of its ships and that most are far inferior to even just our ship. Telling this wife these things seemed to relax her at least some. Just so that you know, sometimes it is far easier giving this advice than it is living it. 

I was born Chinese and immigrated to America. Sometimes that helps by giving a perceived level of knowledge of the Chinese government. That knowledge is exactly that; perceived but non-existent. In these times, I am able to state some knowledge of or predict the behavior of the PRC and it is generally accepted. This is very helpful when trying to comfort a worried spouse.

Other times, my opinions are suspect because of my ancestry. I often feel as the Japanese-Americans at Pearl Harbor must have felt as their loyalty to the US was questioned for no reason other than ancestry. Fortunately, most Americans can not see the difference of Japanese and Chinese appearance so it occurs rarely here in Japan.

"Chinese Living in English." It is an old blog name of mine that reflected what I thought of my life at the time. I was a Chinese woman learning to live as an American woman. Back then, my speech was heavily accented. I still have an accent but now it is more refined and my words are better understood. I no longer have the constant need of the ever-present Mandarin-English dictionary of my past. There remain occasions where one is helpful though. My thinking was always through a Chinese mind-set that often conflicted with an American lifestyle. I believe I have found the balance of being American while keeping hold of my Chinese history.

I believe I have gotten adept at ignoring the negatives. Offenses must be fairly overt to garner my attention. The only time I get angry of it is when I have to explain it to my children. The Navy has become adept at preventing much of it with the potential ending of careers for it. Single sailors were the usual culprits. The Navy must be doing something right since those occasions have become rare. It was/is tiring to be judged for skin color rather than character. The most common instances of being treated poorly is by single women on the base because single men demonstrate a preference for Japanese women. I still do not understand how that is my fault. I am not even Japanese.

I can still see the duality of my life. Not as often but it remains noticed. The bad part of growing and learning is that I have learned to see where offense can be found. It is fortunate that I have also learned I need not be offended for every little thing that happens.