Finding Comfort

Finding comfort can sometimes be difficult.Many people search for it yet never find it completely. I am pained for these people. Would that I could give them some of mine, they would feel better.

I have many things in my life that comfort me. My husband comforts me very much. I know that despite him often being gone, I can depend on him blindly. I do not need to worry of him "having my back" in whatever situation. He knows me well which, if I am honest, surprises me. I am unlike any other woman he could have married. I am of Chinese origins. Not a second or third generation but "fresh off the boat" Chinese. Barely speaking English fresh off the boat. He spent much time having no idea what I was on about. He dealt with so many Chinese customs he could not understand as I learned to be more American and less Chinese. He is my greatest comfort.

My children are one of my comforts. They depend on me to do things that even I may not think I am capable of doing. They are understanding when I fail. They do not give me second chances. They give me more chances. Chao lei often relieves me of caring for Jun because "I look tired." I need not tell him of keeping tidy. He often takes that too far and begins to clean the entire house until I scold him for doing so then happily clean with me so I do not get lonely. I remember Jun's reaction to eating a cake that I had made, horribly (read swapped the salt for the sugar). I saw the look on her face at first bite and wondered what was wrong so I tasted it too. Absolutely horrible. Unless you prefer salty cakes. Even while I was tasting it, Jun continued to eat it. When I asked her why she would do such a thing she simply replied, "Because you made it for me." Yes. They are such a comfort to me.

I have an unusual comfort out their in the world. It is left over from before Jared became captain. I have a warm feeling when the ship's crew call me Aunt Mei. It is how I tell of a new crew member because they do not. Some have said this is not appropriate. I tell them to mind their business. They are my family. "All of them? Yes, all of them." I make cookies for them. I remember their birthdays. I do my best to ensure none are forgotten. It is common to walk anywhere on base and hear, "Hi, Aunt Mei!" That comforts me.

I have a comfortable life. I may fuss from time to time but that is only to "clear the ducts."