Random Post

 

Today, I feel… unsorted. I am not sad, but I am not happy. Perhaps I am only becoming an old lady. My mood is odd, so please forgive this random post.

It was a good week though, so I have no complaints. Well, perhaps with Jun. I must teach her tact. She seems to have no clue about when something may be inappropriate… and Chao lei.

I had been feeling ill for a few days so I allowed some of my hygiene habits to slip. One does not worry of little things such as shaving when one is nauseous. I found it unavoidably necessary to make a shopping trip. While in the checkout line, Jun asked loud enough to be heard by everyone in the line, “Mom, why does your armpit look like a beard?” In the moment, I wanted to reply, “Because it helps me beat you better.“ At least my filters are intact.  Instead, I simply finished checking out to the snickers of the patrons around me. I will wear long sleeves out for a time. And large sunglasses. Nobody will recognize me again as the bearded lady.

Fate has a way of repaying though. Later that same day I had guests. Suddenly, there is a loud thud and a crash.

Me: Jun! Are you well?

Jun: Yes, (as she walked into the room with tears) I just fell off the toilet.

My guests worked very hard to stifle their snickers, but Jun heard, was embarrassed and ran from the room. I found the need to excuse myself, find my baby, and help her feel better.

June is not the only person that has a lack of tact. The children and I were at the Children’s Play Center on the bounce mat (trampoline but much safer). Jun was sitting on my back, “riding a boat” when chao lei shouted, “The whales are migrating!” and tackled Jun from my back. Fortunately, Jun was unhurt and thought it was funny. All I could think was that my children thrived on an embarrassed mother. I asked him why he would say that. “Because your fatter than before.” I am only 5 (ish) pounds heavier than before I was pregnant with him. How am I fatter?

My children make me self-conscious now. I seem overly vain, checking mirrors making sure my butt is not bigger and there is no belly roll. I have been checking that my smallest clothing still fits. My ego needs a boost. I face timed my husband for a boost and after I checked that he was alone, I stood and dropped my robe (no, I was not completely naked), turned about and said “Chao lei called me a whale. Am I getting fat?” To that he snickered. Not the ego boost I was hoping for. While he reassured me I was not getting fat, the snicker was louder than his reassurances.

If anyone ever tells you that your children will always adore you as much as you adore them and they will never hurt your feelings, they obviously have never had any. My children are a great source of joy and pride but, there are those moments when they tax a mother’s love. I am thankful those moments are few because when those moments are so many at once, one may seriously question their worth as a mother.