I really am. I am attempting to remain happy. What reason do I have to not be so? My son is well, Lt. is home, My friends are well and visit often, I am healthy, Yuki is... well... Yuki. She is not a bad kitty. She is only doing what a kitty does. Yet I am not.
What is worse, I do not wish to be happy for the moment. I am tired of being so. I tire of people believing I must always be happy. Why is this? What is so perfect of my life there is no room for unhappiness?
I spoke to my doctor of this. He asked me many questions of my daily life.He suggested it is not my unhappiness I feel but that of other people. What? How is it I feel unhappiness that belongs to another? He told me it was because of my visits with other spouses when our husbands were away. How does visiting other people and looking to their welfare cause one to be unhappy? It was the opposite to me. I left them feeling good for the visit not feeling sad. If it is true one may feel the unhappiness of another after visiting them why then does Dorothy not feel unhappy? We always visited as a pair.
My doctor tells me to visit no more until after Little One is born. We hear of the departure of the ship again so how is this to be? Am I to leave the other wives to themselves when their spouses are gone? No, I will not do such a thing. This unhappiness will pass and I will return to what is common for me.
Until my usual happiness returns I will continue to wear a smile when among others.
***END VENT***
Pregnancy can be an emotionally trying time because of multiple physiological & psychological & hormonal changes.. at least that's what the books say. I am baffled by what your doctor says as well... I would think isolation is not conducive to wellness. I wonder if he is making some speculations based on his own fears / anxieties re. circumstances in his own life... hang in there. Chocolate therapy?
ReplyDeleteHe probably see's you for the empathetic person you are. You absorb other peoples unhappiness and leave them your happiness. I can see where the doctor is coming from but I do not agree on his advice. I too believe it is the extra hormones swishing around inside you. To be isolated is not going to make you happier. I have found when I have many things stirring inside me that I cannot puzzle out, I write...after writing i feel much better. Since you are such a wonderful writer, I would focus on that as an outlet. Someday i hope to see a book with your name on it :)
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