Today I walked through the main entrance gate on foot for the first time. Before doing so I observed the actions of those entering before me. They simply held up their identification and calmly proceeded through unmolested. I behave in the same manner as they.
I do not know why I attracted the attention of the guard. Her loud shouts informed me of her desire that I stop so I complied and proceeded no further. At this point my card remained in my hand and clearly visible. The guard approached still shouting at me that I was to proceed no further. (I believe it would be beyond obvious to state that I was now the center of attention of all passing through the gate) She continued shouting how I was supposed to show ID (I did) and was not to proceed until someone waved me through (someone did, he was quite nice) and how she could arrest me for not following her commands.
In the beginning, I was embarrassed and near tears. Then...... I do not know why..... I began... shouting at her. She would not address me in such a disrespectful tone and she would NEVER shout at me again and that MY husband would see to it. Unfortuntely, she understood none of this. I spoke in Chinese.
See this picture... two women, one in uniform, one normal clothes, nose to nose, shouting, one in Chinese, one in English. See Nice Guard step between us with some difficulty and move me away to a small office at the side.
There I sat, angry still, until my Lt arrived with his Commander. His look was not one of happiness and served to cool my anger... some. My Lt and the Commander spoke with the guards for a short time then returned and collected me.
During the ride to the recreation center I was informed it was good to not accept disrespect but "as an officer's wife there is a certain decorum that is required else it could affect your husband's career. You should seek out other officer's wives to learn what is expected." I do not wish to affect my Lt's career so perhaps I should do that.
Now I sit here at the MWR waiting for my Lt to finish his duties for the day and bring me home. I feel as a child who has misbehaved and now faces discipline.
It is a poor first impression to my Lt's Commander. I am shamed by my behavior. I am sure my Lt is shamed by it.
First, gate guards are mostly nice, but there are ALWAYS a few a**holes, like the female you encountered. You must comply, then cooly stare her down, and inform her your husband will come fix her problem,if necessary. They get powercrazy, sometimes. And yes, your actions will ALWAYS have an extreme effect on his career, to the point you could make it impossible for him to stay in the service. Talk with the commanders' wife. She is the model you must please from this point on. Tell her your desire to please your husband and her. Ask her for teaching. If she is not yet approachable, there will be a formal wives group there. Talk to the coordinator. Someone will befriend you, and help you learn. It is a very outdated system, for your spouse to make such a difference, but... there it is. I know you will do well. You're just not used to it, yet.
ReplyDeleteAlso... remember to yell in English, next time. :-)