It Is Over

Yuki had an appointment with the vet this morning. It did not end as I had hoped.

The vet said that at this point her quality of life is poor at best. Her organs were now beginning to shut down. I told her of increased activity but she said it was common for a brief time that it looks as a rebound and it was during the rebound that she recommends putting them to sleep. Yuki was in the rebound. I made a decision that ripped my heart from my chest.

I held Yuki as the injection was given. I believe I had more problems with it than Yuki did. She laid in my arms purring and looking at me. I knew when she was gone because her eyes closed and her purring stopped. I could not lay her down for a time. The vet did not rush me to give her up. She patiently waited for me to let go in my time which was not long. Since there was still school to do, it could not be that long.

If anyone tells you teenagers are indifferent in all cases, they do not know the truth. By the time my first period class began, I was controlling my emotions reasonably well. Sitting at my desk as students entered, I was ok. I can do this. Then Carla placed a card on my desk wishing good things for Yuki and me. At that moment, my students discovered my Yuki was no longer with me because I momentarily lost control of those emotions.

Have I told you I have some wonderful students? I was instantly surrounded by them, being comforted.  A student went to the office and informed them of what was happening. Ms. Hurst came to check. I said I could calm myself, but she sent me home anyway. Now I sit in my home alone for the first time in years. I cannot see how being this alone helps.

Now I must prepare to tell Chao lei and Jun. I do not know how I will do it. I would prefer to wait until Jared gets home so I have his support but there is no guarantee he will arrive at the same time as us and the children will notice her absence right away and have questions. Though I must, I do not want to do this.