Dear Yuki

I have been told that writing a letter to your lost pet helps to let go and move on. I can say it is therapeutic, though it is not an instant healing. I wish it were. It did help though. Writing this letter helped me to remember Yuki was loved and I did my best to give her a good life. It was just her time to move on. Now, it is my turn to move on.

Dear Yuki,

I wish more than anything I could change what has happened. I wish I could go back and mind you better so that I could have protected you from a disease that was merciless. I wish I could have taken your pain so that you never suffered. Oh, how much I wish.

Sadly, nothing will change what has happened. I miss you. I will always miss you. I will look for you in all your favorite places – Lying on the windowsill in the sun, curled up on my chair. And sleeping on my pillow. I will never get used to you not being there. Those places will never be the same without you.

I look for you everywhere. You are not there curled up around my head, caressing me all night purring me to sleep. You are not there to hold my hand the way you did during the night, touching me to assure me you were still with me. You are not there in the morning to greet me as I wake with your bright blue eyes so full of life. You are no longer waiting for me to come home after a long day of work, so eager to see me, calling for me to come to you. Our house is empty without you.

You are not there but I will remember you – I will remember how, from the moment I laid my eyes on you, I loved you. I will remember our trips to new places and the confident looks of your face when arriving there. I remember the time your curiosity led you outside during a rainstorm and my panic at not finding you right away and that the fire service came to retrieve you from our roof. I remember how you waited patiently for me to commute home each day after I worked long hours and for something to do, you occasionally chewed up my mail.

My dear, sweet Yuki, you will always be in my heart. Your love, friendship, spirit, and grace were such a blessing to me. Thank you for sharing your life with me and giving me the gift that was you. I will never forget you.

Mama loves you.