I Have REceived Bad News

Yuki, my cat, is 14 years old. I have had her with me since she was a kitten. She became my companion on our first assignment to Japan. She was with me in Pensacola and returned to Japan with me.

 She has been diagnosed with acute kidney failure.

I noticed a problem when she started to not eat. It was disturbing to see her dish always full. Even when she did eat a little, she would vomit and has been losing weight. I scheduled an appointment with the vet, which can take some time to get in. Before her appointment she began to experience seizures. We do not know what caused it. She is a strictly indoor cat, so poison is unlikely, so we are left with infection being the cause.

The vet said it is terminal. The only question is how long. He believes Yuki living until June is unlikely. As quickly as it is progressing, saying goodbye will be in the next several weeks.

My first cat was Fat Luey. He was run over on the highway at home. As hard as I tried, I could not stop him from crossing it to reach his favorite hunting grounds. The shock of arriving at my driveway to see him laying there was tremendous. I remember I could not leave from there. A neighbor carried him to a place and buried him. I still have pain for that.

Now there is Yuki. It is because of Louey she has been inside my house only. I did not wish to repeat it. She has been part of my life for some time. I have been part of hers for her lifetime. She has known Chao lei and Jun for their life so far. Each one of us has our own special sleeping arrangement with her. She was fond of sleeping at my head. I have heard her purrs as I fell asleep often. She slept on Chao lei’s head, much to his chagrin. She slept on Jun’s chest.

She has been my comforter when Jared is not home. It is uncanny how sometimes she knew I needed her before I did. She was protective of me. She would growl at Jared when he came home grumbling for whatever reason. Yuki saw it as a threat to me and stood between Jared and me. I always called her my guard cat because of that.

 I am told that at least I can be prepared for Yuki’s death, and it will not be such a shock as Luey. Maybe. I will not feel it any less. Death is death. The reason for it is irrelevant and is just as permanent. I will not miss Yuki any less because I knew it was coming. Her favorite toy will sit on the shelf next to Luey’s. I will hold their toys and remember them both. In my mind at least, they will meet and be great friends.

I am left with the question of letting her go naturally or euthanizing her. Now, she is in no serious pain that medication cannot relieve but the vet says it will get worse. I want her to be with me as long as possible. I am selfish that way. I do not wish her undue suffering. I think I will wait for the vet to say when it is time. The “at least” part of this is I will be with her till the end. I will not allow her to pass with nothing but strangers around her.

“No one can truly understand the bond that we form with the cats we love until they experience the loss of one.”