Another Reason

I know these kinds of posts mean little to those that read it. I only find myself needing a way to say it. Jared will listen for a short time but things get awkward since he believes I exaggerate. So I must express it here or explode. I have been told my life is a fairy tale in the telling. I believe that is what I have; a fairy tale come to life.

I have another reason to tell why I love my husband so much. Given his occupation, some challenge this reason as one that could not be done completely so I exaggerate. I say they do not know my Jared. He does it well.

He gives me his time. Time is the most precious thing he could give me.  With his schedule, it is a major thing. Even after 14 years of marriage, he makes time for me and has unwavering patience with me. Even despite his responsibilities  to the ship, he makes time for me.

It is not unusual for me to pick him up at the pier when he returns only to discover arrangements are made for sitters because he and I have a dinner date. He does this because he knows I thrive on him, so he ensures that I enjoy the most romantic dinner date and this despite having just endured the rigors of bringing his ship into port. That I must compete with the ship is a fact of life. That I get every other moment not demanded by the ship is also a fact of life.

When he is home, we spend hours together. He shops with me knowing it is probably just a walk among the shops and stalls and not because I needed anything but time. He sits with me chatting about nothing or in silence. Sometimes we say more in our silence than when we speak. My favorite silent moment is when he gazes into my eyes and I see his love.

 When he is gone, his messages and his video calls keep me going. Emails can say precious little but saying he is thinking of me, loves me, and misses me is all I need. It gives me fuel to keep going until he gets home.

Often, he calls, and even though he knows my answer, asks if it is OK for him to go golfing or just go to the club with the guys and they tease him for it. Mind you, this is not something I have ever expected of him. Even though I say it is OK with me, I am always invited, and I know his invitation is sincere but I am not a golfer nor does being with “the guys” appeal to me. I do not care for the times he is gone. I get enough of that when he is at sea but I realize he needs time too, so I grit my teeth and smile as he leaves.

Jared is much like a cat. My cat always read my moods and let me be when I needed it but watched me carefully to see when I needed them. Jared is like that. He gives space when I need it but is watchful, so he is available when I need him. I am fortunate he is not like a dog and in my face being positive and always trying to fix things but only making it worse.

I know I can be a challenge. After fourteen years of marriage, he still struggles sometimes trying to understand his Chinese wife and see to my needs. I have been around me my whole life and still struggle to understand everything about me. What chance does he have? But I am his priority, so he finds solutions. He stands by me whatever the situation. Even if he does not understand it. No matter how confused he may be of my behavior, he values his commitment to me and believes nothing would be worth losing what we have so he works at it. He has offered his career to prove it. He leaves nothing to chance. If he does not know or is unsure, he asks. 

He is also very adept at just holding me in silence. I know I sound as a little girl but so many times I have been happy to just curl up in his lap and just feel his presence. I have no intention of growing out of it. Jun and Su will have to discover times when I am not using the lap if they wish some lap time.

He has proven to be my teenage fantasy man. He is who I dreamed of when my friends and I dreamed of what we wanted in our husbands. Every box was checked for me. Well, except for musical tastes but I bought him headphones so that is covered. I am exceptionally blessed. If I were another woman, I would envy me.

We must be the strangest couple on the base because sometimes it seems we cannot bear to be apart. I am told we should grow up and we are not newlyweds anymore. Well, I have never been this old before, so I do not know how to grow up. I have never been married this long before so what is it supposed to be like? And if I enjoy how I am now and how my marriage is going, why should I change either?