I am home

Since I spent all yesterday and last night and since Mother is a doctor, I was allowed to return home this morning.

To be sure I am happy to be in my home. I am happy Mother and Jiao are here. Still, my house feels empty. Lt is not here. I confess I had tears for a time. I told myself Lt would be here if it were his choice but it is not. The Navy requires he be elsewhere.

Another voice then tells me it was his choice to join the US Navy not mine. I was not consulted. I was happy to be a Coastie's wife. Curiously this thought makes me tear again but not for a reason one would assume. It feels of betrayal from me of Lt and I feel ashamed as if I have failed him again.  It took only a few moments to discard that thought and replace it with empathy for my wonderful husband.

I hear people who are not military speak of their own sacrifices. They tell me of sacrificing time socializing so they could volunteer here or there. They tell me of sacrificing a vacation so they could work to earn extra money to have a better vacation next time.

Lt sacrificed something that he had only one opportunity for; his presence at the birth of his son. He did not sacrifice that for personal gain or recognition. He did so others would not have to make such a sacrifice.

My first sadness is replaced by my immense pride in him and what he does. Of course, I miss him and wish him to be here, but more, I wish him to be who he is and to be where he is required. We will have our time together soon enough.

For the moment, I have Mother and Jiao to keep me company. But Lt should not delay for too much time. There is little English being spoken to Little One at this moment. If he wishes his son to understand him his return should be soon. ;-)