In time past I have learned Lt wishes to spend time with me. This time involves no contact or activity. It requires only being in the same place at the same time. I was, at the beginning, satisfied with this. Now... not so much.
Lt has taken to watching movies on his laptop while I watch another on the TV. This is not because I will not watch the movie he prefers. I have always asked which movie he would prefer. He claims he does not wish me to watch a movie I do not care for so he will not request another. If this is the reason, why does he watch another on the laptop? And why does he protest if I try to watch his movie with him (no, it is not porn)? I need not even displace the laptop since the chair arms are large! And why does he protest if I walk away from the TV and do something else?
I am disturbed about this. I wish to be near Lt but his presence is not enough. I wish to share time with him, even should that time be shared in silence. I do not expect us to do everything together. But when we are in the same place I wish for us to be together.
I have discussed this with him. He insists he does not mind. I tell him I prefer watching "whatever" with him. He continues to do this.
I do not know how to correct this.
This seems to be a common male trait. They love the feeling of companionship we bring--like a security blanket...but want it off to the side. Present but...not.
ReplyDeleteI've learned not to take it personally. It can be frustrating though!!
It's hard to guess what this is really about without knowing more, but I'll take a guess anyway.
ReplyDeleteYour marriage is still new, and maybe there's an adjustment going on between wanting space and wanting to be together. Maybe he feels that he needs space to unwind, in other words, but at the same time he doesn't want to be away from you.
To "correct" this, you might want to let him slowly get used to you doing something else while he has time to himself. But a negotiation might also help; tell him that you'd like to have some actual together time, say, after an agreed upon amount of time. This would help because he'll know that you'll be there with him, and that you won't feel rejected by his need for space.
Ideally, you should both get what you want.