Lt and I have had conversations concerning my being on the dock when they get under way. He says it may be best if I were to give him our usual goodbye kiss as if he were leaving for another day of work. It may be easier for me if I do so.
Is this not the worst idea you have heard?
I believe he underestimates me. He questions my ability to control myself. Granted, my first days were NOT the perfect image of emotional control but in my defense I was newly arrived and not yet accustomed to the time. I was exhausted! I have not made such a display since and all security will be safe from the tirades of a tired wife for any perceptions of insult.
Perhaps it is possible he believes I will stand on the dock and bring high tide early with tears. Tears are possible but I would in no way show them to him. His departure will be difficult enough for him. Should I add to his stress? I think not. I will show appropriate emotion. He will know I love him and prefer him with me. He will also know I am proud of him and will await his return. If there are tears from me they will frame my smile of pride and only after the ship has departed.
Of course.... he may fear HE will cry! LOL I doubt this since he is excited for his first under way. He is weary of sitting in port. Undocking helped ease his weariness a small amount but that is not at sea. Each day his speaking of being underway becomes more excited. Most conversations with him begin with "Did you know?" followed by any number of subjects from sea trials to "using the head" during high seas (this one tends to be disgusting so I usually ignore it).
Perhaps he sees his obvious excitement contrast with my lack of it. It is possible he wishes to ease any guilt for being excited while knowing I dread this. It is not likely this is so. At the least I would not expect it to be so.
I supported his decision to leave the Coast Guard and join the Navy. That does not mean I am pleased with all aspects of that change. In the CG when his day was done he returned home. In the Navy, once under way, at the end of his day he returns to his "rack" (does that not sound like a torture device?) rather than me. What woman would be pleased with that? Of course I am not pleased with him leaving for periods of time! But I also know it is necessary. The US Navy can not do what is required of it sitting in port. It can not leave port unless there is a willing crew.
All of these do not matter in the end. I will be where I choose to be and that will be at the dock watching my love sail away for a time. He will know I love him. He will know I will miss him. He will know I will await his return. He will know I am proud to be his wife.
It's possible that he only meant to share a better goodbye with you. A goodbye from the dock is impersonal and maybe unsatisfying; perhaps he wanted you to remember the more intimate goodbye rather than the distant one.
ReplyDeleteStill, if I were you, I wouldn't miss the dock farewell, either.
I think Zeri is wise in his comment. Men always want us to remember the more intimate goodbye, and want that to be their memory, as well! As though we would forget it!! You cannot miss the dockside farewell...I've been at them, and it is an amazing experience...almost as amazing as the homecoming. Plus, it is a great time of bonding among the wives and girlfriends of the vanishing sailors. I truly think you should be there, even though you'll have only a moment with him.. But you'll have time with Dorothy and the other ladies to plan and commiserate...(lol)
ReplyDeleteAnd the homecoming...ahhhhh...the homnecoming. I've NEVER been at a happier, more emotional, more moving place in my life. Everyone should experience one of those in their life. The pride in your sailor, the Navy, and your country, is unbelievable. I can't wait to hear your impressions of that..
Let us know what you do!