Tomorrow is the day. I have worked and worked. I have fretted and fretted more. I am sure I have removed a small portion from my floors. Surely they are thinner for my having cleaned them so hard. There remains paint on the wall and fibers in my rugs so I may not have been excessive in my cleaning.It is the common emotions of excitement and dread. I am excited to see Father, Mother, and Jiao. It has been long since I have enjoyed their presence. I am anxious to show them what has become my part of the world.
There is a sense of dread in that Father will see if I have honored him in his abscense. My mind agrees there is no worry for it. I have done well. My heart says there is room for doubting. It says to me "What if?" There are times I wish to silence my heart. It causes much worry for nothing.
Ah, well. Tomorrow doubt will be silenced finally. My father will tell me I have done well.
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Or not.
Dear Meilian ~~
ReplyDeleteI think to the rest of the world you have done more than enough to honor your father. Besides... ultimately your life is yours to live... I definitely understand the need to "prove" yourself to your parents.. but the real question is are you proud of yourself and happy for what you have accomplished. I think the answer is a defininte yes. And in that case, you should be smiling with confidence.
see that's the difference between us. whenever i hear the news that my parents are coming, i'll stop doing the dishes, stop cleaning the floor, stop doing the laundry, in fact, stop doing every single chores around the house so they can have something to do once they get here. otherwise, they'd be bored. (hint, hint) don't you think?
ReplyDelete"Bad Heart," I say. "Stop asking 'what if' and causing Mei Lian to worry. Let her enjoy the visit with her family."
ReplyDelete"But," Heart begins.
"Uh, uh! No buts!" I say. "It will all be good."