New year and the holidays

It is a western new year. The Chinese new year is not until February 18 but I am not given time away from my work with pay for that day.

My holidays were wonderful. Mother and Father Bing hosted family gatherings. There were very many new people to meet. The tree looked as the trees seen in magazines. It was very large with many gifts beneath it.

I spent little time apart from Coastie. We had our ride in the park. Aside from a sore bottom he says he enjoyed it. The weather was much better than was forecasted. It was bright and sunny. The air was crisp and cold. I hope to do it again.

Many days and evenings were spent visiting wineries, small local breweries, and restaurants. Coastie was particulaly fond of the Bend Brewing Company. I am not overly fond of beer but if I were required to make a preference known I would prefer Killian's Red. My real preferences are for wine and my favorite is well established as Honeywood Winery.

My display to Coastie seems to have not changed his thinking. He looked, then continued as before. His thoughts of the matter were I am not only a body. He was honest of it. He was attracted in the beginning by what he saw. But he has become fond of my mind so the scars do not seem as unsightly as they do to me though there were some that caused his face to change. He wonders if I would be able to change them if I wanted but he told to me it is only my desire that is important.

There was one day I could not spend with Coastie. Father Bing decided "the boys" would go out shooting. I am sure there were conversations between Coastie and Father Bing. Coastie assures me it was only common "chit-chat." If this is so, why is there such reluctance to speak of it? I believe it was Father Bing investigating again. This causes me confusing emotions. In one place I am angry. I am a grown woman and am capable of making my own decisions. In another place I feel great affection that he should care enough to offer his protection. In yet another place I feel great respect for his thoughts and will readily seek them. I suppose I will do as any daughter will do, be they natural or adopted, and accept his intrusions as only looking after me as best he is able and with only the best of intentions.

As other holidays are done I have yet another to see to. I have Chinese new year to prepare for. To complicate that, my father has decided his visit will be set to be able to celebrate it with me here. It is good for I will be with him, my mother, and sister during this celebration but more important, I have additional time to prepare for the visit. It is not good for the additional time will be used to prepare additional things not thought necessary before. I have no net gain. Rather the anxiety has been increased as this too will be an opportunity for my father to judge what sort of daughter he has and I wish to do well. If it were possible, I would hire the perfect Chinese girl to be here in my place.

At Christmas, it seems that all worry that the correct gift is given. This New Year I worry that I do not dishonor my father. I believe I prefer Christmas. There is much less stress.