To begin again?

I have surprised myself and have cleaned my house thoroughly. I now find myself wondering if I should begin again to be confident I have forgotten nothing. I also ask myself if the bunk room of the barn also counts toward the house. Perhaps not because there is no one there. A new year with a new house has caused me to think more of my actions. Perhaps more than is necessary. :\

Coastie insisted I leave my house for a time yesterday. He took me to a picnic at the park beside the river. It was cold but that gave reason to sit closely to his side. He produced hot soups and sandwiches from his basket. I enjoyed myself very much. It seemed odd to eat the sandwiches with gloved hands but I chose not to bare my hands to the cold wind and used care to keep the contents of the sandwiches from the gloves.

My Coastie has caused me to see him with new eyes. The effort he has expended in my house, in spite of his lack of full understanding of why I do it, tells me of his determination. I have always considered him a good man and someone I found of interest. These few days past have changed that thought. There is more than simple interest now. I have watched as he has assumed some level of responsibility of the keeping of my house. Though some may say he is acting improper he has begun assuming the tasks he calls "a man's work." This causes me to smile since it is work I have done and am not a man. I allow it though. To me it seems he seeks his place here.

He worries more of what my father may think than I do. Some may say that is a difficult thing to do but I believe he accomplishes it well. His questions of Father's expectations are constant. Will my father think less of him because he is not Chinese? How should he speak to him? Should he look to my father's eyes (someone has given him the silly notion he may not meet my father's gaze without showing disrespect *sigh*)? Has his work been done properly? I tease him and say he worries like a woman but I assure him he will be approved (now I must completely convince myself of this).

Dare I say I now think of a wedding day? To have his heart and he mine? My thoughts are often of being wrapped in his love and protection always. In my mind he completely engulfs me and nothing may approach me save through him. I think of a day when we are together. I have no need to await his visit or travel to him, the telephone is not needed for I am able to speak to his face, and e-mails would be silly since we are in the same place.

"My Coastie" has taken new meaning. He is mine and I will not share his time with other women. They must seek their own coastie.

I will now turn off the school girl thinking and return to adult life but I will hold the right to return at any time.