Slightly Jangled

I have been a Navy wife for 12 years. In those years, I have had many women ask of what it is like to live this navy life. It is not as easy to answer as one would believe. I could overlook the difficulties I have experienced and tell them how wonderful it is. After all, we have seen and lived in places that many only dream of. I prefer to be honest about it though. Lying would not help them be prepared. The truth is, Navy life will be a mix of a lot of good and a lot of bad. I suppose that can be said of life in other branches as well.

Every rotation results in a collection of new wives to the Navy for whom this is their first exposure to “the real Navy.” This question is on their minds, “What can I expect?” I have always thought there should be a class for potential spouses BEFORE they marry their sailor. It would put an end to much anxiety. Since there is not, it is left to current spouses to prepare and support them for what lies ahead.

There are many pro’s to Navy life to be sure.. Unlike many in the civilian world, our family has not had to worry about healthcare. I visited friends before returning to Japan and injured mt leg. I was taken to the nearest hospital was treated for a severe sprain. It cost us nothing. I am grateful for the housing allowance we receive. Unlike many that I know, I nor my husband will not have the burden of paying off student loans. And we have lived in some beautiful cities.

Some may have the notion that it is romantic. All those lengthy love letters and sweet homecomings. Maybe. But as with anything and everything, there are always a few cons. Okay, there are several cons. I have met many a seasoned spouse who have said that one simply adapts to the separation from our spouse. They also say that hobbies help during TADs and deployments. To an extent, they are correct. I am our FRG treasurer. I also enjoy a weekly bible study. Knitting is nice, as is teaching violin. Hobbies, I have. What I do not have is my best friend. If I could “get used to it” I would. I do not desire to “get used to it.” Ever.

It is heartbreaking to watch your children say goodbye to their fathers. When I dropped my husband off at the pier, our youngest was under the impression that he would only be a minute, like so many days before. As I drove away, June begged me to stop the car. Her voice from my backseat yelled “Wait for daddy, mommy! Please stop. Don’t leave daddy!” Right then, with all of my might, I had to keep myself from breaking down. Chao lei is well seasoned. Yet I still see in his eyes the upset of being separated from his father… again. As their mother, I am supposed to be their guide and who they look to for strength. So my tears must wait until much later in the day, after they fall asleep.

Our spouses perform a dangerous service. In the world today, one may not guarantee their spouse will come home today, or possibly ever. Given our next assignment, my mind is locked on the eastern Mediterranean. The events concerning the USS Carney (which is homeported in NAVSTA Rota) are at the forefront of my mind. I can only hope the tensions return to normal before our arrival so I only experience “normal” anxiety. How selfish a thought to have.

This is one of the most vital careers possible and someone has to do it. I love that my husband has chosen to be one of those that do it. I love the life the Navy has given us. I remember the pros and cons I previously mentioned but cliché or not, I would not change a thing. I would marry my husband again and again. I would do it all over again and again.

I believe the most important piece of advice I can give is to be close to your ship’s FRG. Nobody experiences what they experience. Yes, there are many ships, but my husband’s current destroyer did not just launch missiles in the Med. I cannot imagine the anxiety of the spouses of that ship waiting for a word from their sailor saying they are ok instead of a visit from a chaplain. They will need each other because no other will really understand. It is not my sailor that was involved in missiles fired in a real world event. It is not my sailor being directly threatened by those wishing him harm. And since I have not faced that personally, I cannot say how I would feel.

But that is why we all do not experience the same things at the same time. Those of us in the good time are better able to help those in the bad time. We will have a clearer mind and will better remember what all of us already know. I certainly hope there is a calm, level headed woman next to me should I ever face the same thing.