My Heart!

 

I do my best to be a good mother. I also realize I will not always be a child's favorite parent all the time. I accept these things as inevitable. Sometimes though, a child can inflict more pain than they know they know they are capable of.

 Yesterday, walking to school, June stunned me with a comment that, I assume, was the result of our having walked to school in the first place. She was bending to pick flowers as we walked, grunting each time. At least, I thought they were grunts. I wondered what discomfort my baby was suffering and was about to ask her but Jared asked her what she was growling at. “Every time I get a flower, I wish for her to be a better mom.” The look she directed at me… I must have physically reacted to what she said since Jared's grip around my shoulders shifted to my waist and tightened.

 I was shattered. What do you reply to that? Where did that come from? Apparently, a tear welled up and Chao lei noticed it and began yelling at his sister. It was fortunate that Jared was with us since he was able to get Chao lei under control. He then knelt next to an upset June and talked with her. I did not hear what they said as my ears were still ringing from her comment. My emotions were in turmoil. I was confused. I was hurt. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to breathe, cry, scream.

We arrived at the children’s school and left them in their appropriate rooms. Well, Jared did. I was still too dumbfounded to communicate with others well, so I sat on a bench outside while he dropped them off. Then we continued the walk to my school. Jared kept reassuring me June did not mean what she said and she was sorry. As we arrived at the high school parking lot, Jared gave me a hug and kiss. Then he said something that brightened the morning a little bit. “Wipe your eyes, fix your hair, and take a deep breath. You cannot afford to let them see any weakness.” Only Jared would say that to me. 😊 It helped.

That evening, June was back to her normal self. I got an apology from her that made it clear she did not really understand what she was apologizing for, but I got a big hug that made it all ok. I was a good mother again and she was my little angel.