We Have Spoken

Jared is approaching eligibility to retire. He has asked me of my thoughts of it.

My thoughts of it are: It is not my decision to make. It is Jared’s alone and I will support whatever that decision is.

That did not work with him either. According to him, it affects me also. Very well. I will render my opinion of retirement.

First. Should he retire soon, he will be miserable. He is navy. Cut him and he will bleed Navy gray. In our many chats, he revealed to me that it was always a lifelong dream to be Navy. Marriage and family were not considered. I was an unplanned event. He had not thought to consider others in his plans. I reminded him that he is obviously adaptable. After all, he did spend five years as a Coastie before joining the big Navy. I would feel terrible as his wife if I were to press him to retire before he is ready.

Second. I am accustomed to the Navy way of life. I would be lost as to what to do with myself. I have a routine that is comfortable for me. Do I wish for my husband to be home? Of course I do. It is difficult for civilian spouses to understand this, but I am also accustomed to time apart and do not wish to surrender it… completely. Our times apart are terrible... at the time. Our reunions make the separation worth it. I have something civilian spouses do not, a scheduled refreshing of our marriage. It is new each time he returns. We again embrace each other as we did on the docks of Depoe Bay. In other words, my marriage has no opportunity to become old and stale.

Some complain of the frequent loss of friends. Yes, frequent friend changes can be difficult at times. You invest time and effort to develop friends only to lose them in a short time. But strong relationships are not often developed. That is part of how we do it so often. I do not see it any differently than “civilian” friendships. Before I married Jared, I had several what I called friends. These many years later, I count only one remaining. I have not forgotten the others. We have moved on from each other while keeping fond memories of our time. I see military friendships the same way. Other spouses are good friends until we part and I will fondly remember them, but we will go our ways forming new friendships at the next place. All we usually had in common was the place we lived and the mutual isolation from friends we knew.

I am accustomed to living in exotic places. Well, exotic to some. Eleven of 14 years of my Navy life have been lived overseas. I am ready to return home. Still, there is a place in me that craves the adventure of another exotic base in a foreign land. I am able to do what many only dream of doing; see what many only see in books and pictures.

It is all our children have known. Some say it is not fair they are held to this military service. They did not volunteer for it. Who said life was fair. It is best they learn now that life will deal them a hand and they must learn to play it well. Their education will be far richer for this life they live. Their learning of the foreign world will be through experience rather than just facts from a book. I do hope we return stateside this time. Our children are more foreign than American. Their only exposure to what being American is, is what they receive on base and even that is heavily influenced by Japanese culture. Wherever we end up, they will flourish, learning a new culture. They will also learn that family remains family regardless of where they are.

I do not wish Jared to retire. I am not tired of it yet. I know he is not. There is more to learn and live. Jared pretends to be objective in the matter, but I know him too well. Retirement is a nasty word for him. He would rather die Navy and be buried at sea before he would retire. I married this life willingly, not completely understanding it, but understanding enough to know what it meant.

The Navy is not only Jared’s home. It is mine. We will leave when it is the right time. Now, nor the immediate future, is not the right time.