My Year Past

Here we are in a new year that has nothing written in it. I wonder of what it will be. The future can be an exciting prospect but what would it be without the past to compare it to?

It has been a year of adjustments for me. At the beginning of the year I was still adjusting to relocating to Japan and to the Navy. This, to me at the least, is not such an easy task. Changing from a person who makes her own decisions based on what benefits her to one who must now consider another and how my decisions could adversely affect them. I was not so good at it in the beginning. I believe I have improved.

It is also not very easy adjusting to the Navy deciding when I will see Lt and for how long. I understand this is all necessary since there is a mission to accomplish and his presence is required. Without these who voluntarily forfeit a portion of their lives there would be no Navy and there would be no balance to those who wish to dominate other nations. My intellect understands and accepts this reality.

My heart, on the other hand, does not. I wish for Lt to be with me every day. I wish for him to leave for his work and return at the same time each day. I wish to be with him at every holiday and every event. I love falling asleep in his arms and I love waking with him next to me. I love talking about unimportant things with him and I love sitting in silence with him.

My intellect is becoming better able to convince my heart of the necessity of how we must live. I tell myself it only makes our time together better. Without his leaving, there would be no homecomings. Anyone who has been to a homecoming knows how special they are. I am becoming better at telling myself it is ok.

A major change came on February 21st when our son, Chao lei, was born. Unfortunately, Lt was not present. And when he did return, I was nearly ignored. I do not blame Lt for it though since I had been with Little One since his birth and Lt had not.

Since then, I have been thrilled as Chao lei reached milestones in his growth and frightened by his bumps and bruises caused by exploring and learning. I have also sat terrified by his bed when he had a cold thinking his breathing would stop.

It is surprising that our minimum tour here in Japan is half gone. I find myself beginning to wonder if we will remain in this place or if Lt be moved elsewhere. If we were to change I would hope for a return to the US. Where in the US is not important. Japan has been a beautiful place to live but I have grown up in Asia. I want to experience more of my new country.

I have been learning, researching, and teaching. Learning and researching has been the easiest for me. Teach has been difficult. It is not giving of information that is difficult. It is interacting with students. Sometimes it is easy to forget what is simple for me may not be for them since they are only beginning to learn. I am pursuing a doctorate while they are pursuing their associate or bachelor degrees. I have experience working in my field of study while they have experience only in studying the field. I believe I am becoming a better teacher but there are still those moments of impatience I still require more work to eliminate.

This past year has been a busy one. You need only see the few posts to confirm my time has been limited. I hope to do better in this new year.