Pause/Decision

Advice I have received from other women here concerning living on base vs. off base has included something that gives me pause.

When discussing the best choice of housing offered, I was told in one of them I would be required to "share space with enlisted families." This was said as a warning to me as if it were something wrong.

I understand the necessity of separation between Lt and enlisted sailors. It is difficult to command when those you command are friends. One can be prone to favoritism while another may fail to command fearing damage to the friendship. Given this is the military, how difficult would it be to order your friend to risk their life? The Navy calls this separation "maintaining good order and discipline."

Now I ask, what has that to do with me? I am not an officer nor am I in a position to command. I pass other spouses daily. None of us wear anything that identifies our spouses rank (There are some who behave as though they have power because of their spouses rank. I have noticed most tend to avoid them for it). We smile and chat with each other never asking of spousal rank.

Admittedly, some conclusions may be made based upon appearance or manners. If I see a woman dressed in expensive clothes one could be inclined to believe she is an officer's spouse just as seeing a woman covered in tattoos is an enlisted's spouse. The problem is they could be wrong.

One of the best dressed women I have met is married to a Petty Officer. She orders most of her clothes because the NEX clothing is not to her taste. Armani is not uncommon for her. She is not snobbish. She only prefers finer clothing than is available here and will not think less of someone who buys here.

I also know of a woman who has many tattoos. Her husband is a Commander. She is a kind and gracious woman and is first in line when help is called for.

I do not care what you are. When choosing whom I will live among, only character matters. For much of my life I have been judged for my appearance, nationality, or gender. I have felt the pain of being seen for less because of what you are. I refuse to do this to another.

For this reason I have decided. I will leave my pretty house (*sigh*) and I will choose the tower. I will tell myself this house is not truly MY house. MY house remains in Oregon. I will make the inside of my new home pretty. It will reflect me.

I will move in spite of their "warnings" if for no other reason than to keep judgmental people away. If another officer's wife wishes to visit my home she will find it necessary to pass through all those enlisted families.

Who can tell? I may have an enlisted wife as a guest when they come.