Happily Draining

Being a ship captain’s wife is a wonderful experience but having said that, it can be draining. I become attached to the crew and worry of their wellbeing. I have lost sleep over one of the crew getting a DUI. The sailor and their family are on my mind and I pray they survive it. I see the good, the bad and the ugly. Sometimes, all on the same day.

I watched Jared work many late hours because his captain was still at work. Now I try to remind him, usually unsuccessfully, that he is the captain now. Now when he does leave work, it follows him home. Phones ring, emails never stop, texts are plentiful and non-stop. There is no such thing as a quiet family night. The song of our house is "DING." The ship is always first. I admire him for that, but it can be frustrating. Sometimes it seems easier when he is underway.

I can see the weight he carries. I see it on his face when he comes home, before he sleeps and when he gets up. The ship is always on his mind. When he is home, the night before he has to issue a letter of reprimand or conduct a Captain’s Mast, I see the anguish on his face. It is obvious he does not want to do it but he must. I cannot imagine it is any different when he is at sea.

I feel through him his pride of his sailors. I love being able to attend graduations and being a part of awards and promotions. I can see his heart almost bursting with pride when one of his sailors excels in the Navy.

I think many do not realize just how hard our spouses work. He lets others go home knowing it creates work for him so they may have time with their families. I complained of Jared’s long hours before he assumed command. I wish I had known then what I know now. Jared takes on so much so that younger sailors can have the life the recruiters promised them.

Jared misses so much. He misses birthdays, date night, putting his children to bed, anniversaries, etc. because of little “fire” in the office or sailors behaving badly. Scheduling a family activity is a gamble so I take advantage of his presence as often as I can. I just wrap my arms around him and hold on as long as I can, usually until the next "DING.".

Something I was not prepared for is, being the captain’s wife can often be lonely. Peers are few. I had Dorothy as a friend, but this is the Navy. Nothing lasts long. When I do meet new people, I dread the question, “What does your husband do?” I wonder if they will see me for me or if they will see the captain’s wife and treat me differently. I want them to feel comfortable enough with me so that I can help but I do not think I accomplish that well. Sometimes, it seems as if I am the last to know but am the one that could help the soonest.

Do not misunderstand. I love this life the Navy has given me. I am beyond proud of what Jared chooses to do. This post is not so much of a complaint as it is an acknowledgement what my husband sacrifices for us and that not all is as smooth as I sometimes wish.