Humbled and Remorseful

 The other day, there was friction between Jared and me. It was all about a greeting missed. I will admit that I may have been overly sensitive that day. Still, one cannot help but notice those things.

I was able to Skype Jared the next day. It seems I was correct that he did not greet me. He recorded the chat so he could hear it again at his convenience. He did not hear a greeting for me. Jared apologized profusely. I was offered no excuses but promised that he will make it up to me. I am sure he will and will do so amazingly well.

For my part, I apologized for my reaction. I cannot explain why I did react as I did. it just suddenly came on me. I believe I am a little crazy; from happy and eagerly awaiting a conversation to angry and no desire to even acknowledge his existence in a flash. 

My poor husband must deal with a wife that remains too much Chinese. I must break from the Chinese way of thinking in most things and adopt a more even American way since I am, after all, an American wife. There are some aspects of my life Jared prefers to remain Chinese though. ‘If I wanted an all American wife, I would have married one.” He has always championed me in my struggles to adapt. He was there when my life was described as “Chinese Living in English.” It was a difficult time for me. Yet, he was, and remains, patient through it all.

The other day is not the first time I have treated him so. And against my wishes, it will probably not be the last time. I am blessed that he continues to come back each time. It is not an easy life for him being married to a Chinese girl that is trying to be not so rigid in her Chinese thinking but not being as successful as she wishes. The Navy does not help this but that is another post.

Eleven years of marriage and still I struggle. I believe he is worth it. I pray he continues to believe I am worth it.

A side note: It seems strange to me that some wives measure their marriage by mileposts. I have been told of a milepost I have achieved. It would seem I have been married to Jared for over 10 years of his career therefore  I am able to claim half of his retirement. Why do some believe this is information worth marking. I do not intend to divorce Jared so this information is useless. Besides, why would I settle for half when I have it all now? :^D